Shattered Pieces
by aBeautifulLiar
Summary: It's been five years since she last found herself in Rosewood, and two years since she had watched the man she loved walk out on her. Now, with both of them back in Rosewood and a new A on their tails, will Hanna forgive Caleb for thinking the worst of her? And will Caleb forgive himself?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi, inspiration for stories seems to have hit at the moment! I have to warn readers that this may contain some triggers with themes of rape and violence but I will not be graphically describing anything I deem to be too triggering to anyone and I will ensure I put a warning before each chapter if there is anything within them I feel will be of a triggering nature to any reader.**

 **I don't have a ship in mind for this story at the moment, but it'll be either Haleb, Spanna or Hannily and I've decided to leave this up to the readers as I love all three equally and I'd love to be able to just see where the story ends up.**

 **This chapter is going to begin when Caleb and Hanna broke up pre season seven and will continue through season seven if you guys like it.**

 **Reviews are always appreciated and I thank anyone in advance who takes the time to read and review this story as it means so much to me.**

" _You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying would could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." - Tupac Shakur_

Their relationship had been on the edge already. Hanna had been working too much, Caleb had been waiting around too much and she could feel him slipping away. And now, as she looked at him, she knew it was over before he even had to say anything. She could see it in his eyes, she could see the pain that she had caused him and still, she couldn't open her mouth to explain that she hadn't caused his heart to break on purpose. She hadn't planned, or expected them to come to this. They were Caleb and Hanna, they were never meant to end. At least, not like this.

The blonde opened her mouth to say something, _anything,_ but the words didn't come. They were stuck in her throat and she knew he needed to hear the truth. He deserved to know the truth and still, she couldn't tell him, so instead, she had to stand there in complete silence with tears falling down her face as she watched the person she loved so much, fall apart.

"You slept with someone else." He finally said, and Hanna could only shake her head as she sobbed, but he repeated the words, the shock settling in. Her back was pressed against the door, her hair soaked from running home whilst it rained – it would have been a happy ending if the reason she had been running home to the man she loved had been for anything other than the reality of the situation. They hadn't slept together in almost six months for various reasons - Hanna was too tired, Hanna worked way too much, when she was home she usually fell asleep on the couch and he had to carry her to bed and then they just became one of those couples who stayed because they loved each other but both knew they couldn't go on like this much longer.

It was why Caleb had made the decision that they would go travelling together, even though Hanna was terrified. She was still a college student, she was an intern and she knew she could be so easily replaced but she was about to go into her final year of college and she wanted to experience everything life had to offer before she graduated and started the career of her dreams. Now that plan seemed long forgotten as he looked down at the discarded pregnancy test. She had been stupid enough to hide it in a box under her bed but by coincidence, he had been looking for something and had found it.

When she gotten the text asking her to explain, she had felt her heart drop and her entire body shook because she knew she had lost him. She had ran all the way home, in the hope that she could fix what she had done but she knew it would be impossible. She had seen his face when she had walked into that apartment and the only thing stopping him from leaving right then was her body pressed up against the door in an attempt to stop him.

She was pregnant with another man's baby. Of course he would leave but she wanted to explain that it wasn't what he thought it was but she couldn't say the words. They were stuck in her throat, floating around in her head, forever a thought she would keep inside of her. "Who was he?" Caleb finally asked, as he grabbed some of his clothes from the closet and threw them into a bag he had started packing before she even entered through that door. He wasn't stupid, he knew she couldn't have gone six months without knowing she was pregnant, and if she had, then she wouldn't have hidden the test from him. They had talked about being parents after a scare she had over a year ago and he had promised her that whether it happened in a few months or a few years, he'd be there for her because he couldn't wait to have kids with her. So, why would she hide it from him if he was the father?

She wouldn't have. He knew that much and so did she, she couldn't even pretend as though there was a chance he could be the father of the life growing inside of her. She _didn't_ even know who the father was, so she couldn't even answer the question as she just watched Caleb packing everything, getting ready to walk out of her life. They were meant to start their trip in the early hours of the morning, they were supposed to leave for the airport in just a few hours and now what? Would he go without her all because she couldn't say what she needed to say?

"Answer me!" He finally screamed, the tears falling down his own face as Hanna wrapped her arms around herself and sobbed, "I-I don't know," She whispered, "I don't know, I don't know..." He let out a bitter laugh and shook his head, throwing his phone down on the bed as he grabbed what he needed and put them into his bag before eventually, he took the plane tickets from the side.

 _Don't go, please don't leave me._

She couldn't say anything as she just watched him, flinching when he approached her, "Stop playing the victim, you did this. I was here, every single night, waiting for you to come home and you were with someone else. You're not the victim here, Hanna." His words were filled with anger, a bitterness that broke her heart because she had done this to him. But the word 'victim' echoed through her head as she slowly moved away from the door so he could escape the mess that was their relationship. She was broken, and he deserved better.

The way he looked at her; with pure disgust, the hatred that filled his eyes alongside the pure pain that she had caused. She couldn't blame him for thinking the worst of her because she had been the worst version of herself since she started the internship of her dreams. Caleb had been forgotten because he was always there, and she had taken that for granted because Caleb wasn't meant to leave her. He had promised that he would never leave her and she thought that over-working herself, barely seeing him, spending a few nights away from him, all of that would be nothing compared to the drama that they had gone through with A back in Rosewood.

When the door slammed, she slid down onto the floor and wrapped her arms around her legs as the sound of her sobs filled their studio apartment. "I didn't want him to..." She finally whispered, the words falling from her lips too late. Caleb was gone, and she was stuck carrying the baby of a man who had gripped onto her a little too tightly, slammed her against the wall with such force, she thought she would never see Caleb again. And now she never would because she couldn't say the words she should have said weeks before.

"Come back..." She sobbed into the empty room, wishing she had told him the truth as she slammed her head back against the wall. "Come back..."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! They are greatly appreciated, so much so that I decided to upload the second part tonight! As always, reviews are greatly received, and thank you in advance!**

 **Also, this is a warning that there will be season six spoilers throughout this chapter (aforementioned season seven because I may have forgotten that we've had this five years later for a lot longer than I thought!)**

 **To all Haleb shippers – Caleb will be in the next chapter, I promise but I wanted to go through everything beforehand to try and get as much background to the story as possible.**

" _And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on."_

Hanna's eyes scanned over the words on the paper once again, although she had read it a thousand times over, but for a moment, she was distracted by the babbling baby sitting next to her. Her blue eyes met with eyes that perfectly matched her own and she smiled, her hand smoothing out the blonde hair before she took a deep breath. This would her first time back to Rosewood in over three years, and it would be her son's very first trip to the place where his mother had grown up.

It had taken more than she thought when she had first received the letter, her first instinct was to run as far away as she possibly could have so she would never have to take her son to the place where so many bad things had happened. But then she reminded herself, bad things happened everywhere and she could try and hide him away from the world all she wanted, but she wouldn't be able to protect him from the terrible things that happened every single day.

Hanna had somehow managed to keep her best friends in the dark about most of her life; of course they had come to visit Henry when he was first born and on his first birthday but Hanna had managed to avoid them for much of the past two years. She was ashamed because she could see the judgement in their eyes, she could hear it in their voices when they realised that Hanna, the one who wanted to move to New York with the love of her life, who wanted to study Fashion in college and go on to become this huge Designer that raked in the millions, she was gone. All that was left was a twenty-three year old with a child, living in a large city where no one knew her name and for once, Hanna was okay with that.

Her apartment was small, her job allowed her to work from home, and her neighbour had barely spoken two words to her since she had moved in. That was just the way she liked it, but Hanna knew she wasn't able to ignore her best friends for much longer. Not when they had all been summoned to Rosewood to either help or hinder the release of their stalker, kidnapper and torturer.

The flight seemed to take longer than she had remembered it, but soon she was holding her son close to her chest and grabbing their luggage as her heart thumped uncomfortably against her chest. She was home, she was supposed to be happy but all she felt was this crushing feeling that something awful was going to happen in the short time she planned on spending there. "It's going to be okay," She whispered, pressing her lips to Henry's forehead as she closed her eyes, repeating the words to herself. It had to be okay, it was only two days, two days and then she would be back to her quiet, drama free life.

It was set to be the first time all four of them were back in Rosewood together since they had all left for college five years before, so Hanna hadn't been surprised when they had all decided to meet in The Brew just an hour after she and the other three had landed. They may have been in a rush to get back to their lives afterwards, but they still missed each other and she knew they needed to discuss what they were going to say about Charlotte and her impending release.

Hanna had already arranged for Henry to spend a few hours with a local babysitter she had only read good things about, because she wanted to keep him out of the Rosewood and the A drama as much as possible. When he was first born, Hanna had found it harder than she ever could have imagined – not the night feeds, or the constant crying, or the diaper changes but the fact that for those first few weeks, perhaps even months, she felt nothing. She had watched so many documentaries and television shows about pregnant women and then they had their babies and they described this overwhelming love they felt as they held the tiny baby in their arms for the first time. Hanna had just felt numb when she was given a screaming baby to hold, she had just stared down at him and wondered what the hell she had done. Caleb was gone, people looked at her as though she was this awful person but no one would ever admit it, and Hanna was there, with a baby when she had no idea how to be a mother.

That was the hardest part. She'd have to force a smile and pretend as though she thought the world revolved around him and he was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her. And she felt awful because he should have been, he should have been her entire world and even then, as she held him in her arms, she wondered if the way she treated him in the beginning was going to ruin his entire future.

It was because of their beginning together that she was a little selfish, and too over-protective. She didn't want him in Rosewood but she also didn't want to leave him with anyone. She didn't want him to be seen out with her in that place because she didn't know who was watching, but she also didn't want him too far from her. She didn't want her best friends, or even her mother to be fussing around him because she just wanted it to be the two of them again. It was safe – Hanna and Henry in their own little world where neither of them were going to hurt each other and nothing bad could happen in their tiny New York apartment.

It was those thoughts that consumed her after she had dropped him off and tried to ignore the overwhelming desire to run back to the house and tell the young woman she had changed her mind. But she had to see her friends and she had to decipher what they were going to say before she walked into the court room and blurted out something that no one else agreed with. She was there for that, and then she was free to go.

Walking into The Brew brought back so many memories – good and bad – and Hanna knew she could just get lost in them if she spent her entire day just wandering around Rosewood. So much had happened, and whilst she kept the great things close to her heart, it was all those awful things that kept her as far away from Rosewood as she could be.

With a smile, she recognised the woman sitting on the couch and quietly moved behind her, covering her eyes with her hands, "Guess who?" She spoke, laughing when Emily quickly got up and wrapped her arms around her, their smiles only growing when they heard a very familiar voice behind them and turned to see the two other members of their little group. Hanna had forgotten how being around them had felt – true happiness and for a few moments, she could forget all her responsibilities and all the pain.

It didn't take too long to settle back into their usual selves – teasing each other, laughing loudly, drawing attention to their little corner of the coffee shop as they spoke about their lives since graduating college. Spencer was kicking ass in Washington, as Hanna always knew she would, Emily had some fancy job that Hanna didn't really understand but she could see the slight hint of jealousy in Spencer's eyes and she knew it must have been something amazing and Aria had a cute boyfriend and was in a job she loved. "So, how is Henry?" Spencer finally asked, causing Hanna to look up and grin at the brunette across from her, "He's great, he's just started walking so I've got to keep an eye on him more than usual at the moment and he's picking up more words every single day..."

Hanna had spoken to mothers who could talk for hours and hours about their child, but she liked to keep him to herself. It was selfish and completely irrational, but when they were in New York, it was just the two of them and it was safer that way. The four of them spoke a little while longer, none of them really mentioning the real reason they were there; it could wait for a little while, at least. She supposed they all had to think about it as being in Rosewood could change how they felt before they had stepped off the plane.

Saying goodbye to the girls though, meant saying hello to her mother – another person she had managed to let down over the past two years. Ashley had been working so hard on her new business, and every attempt she had made to get Hanna to Rosewood had been met with poor excuses which meant that, despite the Radley being open for a few months, Hanna had yet to step foot inside the place she was now meant to be spending the night in. And because the hotel had taken so much of her time, her mother had barely had the chance to be in her grandson's life and Hanna knew that Ashley hated seeing Henry grow up through the odd photograph and video that Hanna decided to send her.

There was still that bitter resentment though, hidden deep inside of Hanna every single time she spoke to the older Marin on the phone or via Skype. She loved her grandson, and Hanna knew she did but if she were to find out how he was conceived, would she still feel the same? Hanna knew it was completely irrational to hold a bitterness towards someone who hadn't even expressed any sort of feelings towards the concept of Hanna cheating on the person she was supposed to marry one day. But Hanna seemed to live on 'what ifs' since that fateful night and unfortunately, she thought the worst of every single person she was surrounded by.

"This place looks amazing," She commented, as she looked around, finally tearing herself from her thoughts after she had found herself sitting outside the beautiful building that Radley had been turned into, "Seriously, you would never know that this used to be a nut house." She tried to make light of the situation, holding onto the glass of champagne her mother had brought out to her upon her arrival.

Ashley couldn't help but playfully roll her eyes at her daughter as she set her own glass down, a smile on her face as she observed the blonde, "Okay, we prefer the European definition of 'santitarium' when talking about this historic structure."

Hanna only shrugged, keeping the smile plastered on her face as she kept looking around, not able to believe what this place used to be. How terrified it had once seemed but how beautiful it now looked, "Well it looks beautiful, you did a really good job... Didn't it sort of creep you out though?"

"We evicted all the ghosts, Hanna. Soon people will forget what this place was and soon we'll only be remembered for our exquisite brunch." Hanna nodded her head a little, knowing exactly what ghosts her mother was referring to, "My mother, the exorcist." Was all she said in reply, with a slight raised eyebrow as she tipped her glass before the very subject she was dreading was brought up.

"I was hoping you would bring Henry with you."

"Yeah, uh, I wanted to see you on my own first... he's here, I promise, I just- you can see him later, I promise."

Ashley continued, seemingly not impressed by Hanna's answer, "I've been trying to get you back here to see the place since we opened."

"I know but I've been busy." Hanna replied quickly, "I have a son to raise on my own, I have a job, I have my own life and you-" She was cut off, and she quickly downed the rest of her drink before her frown deepened and she just stared at the woman who had once known her so well. Sometimes, Hanna could look at her son and know before he was going to cry, had Ashley felt the same about her once? Did she know that something was wrong? Hanna doubted it, thanks to Charlotte, she had mastered the key skills of lying to everyone and pretending everything was okay when it wasn't. Even her mother couldn't see through the huge wall Hanna had built around her life.

"But when Alison calls."

"It isn't Alison, mom, it's the court."

"It's still Alison, she's been petitioning the court to get Charlotte out of the hospital since the day she was locked up. You don't owe Alison a thing, after what that person did to you -" The blonde flinched, although she knew who Ashley was referring to and it wasn't the person who now haunted Hanna's dreams, she quickly cut the woman off and shook her head before the conversation could go any further, "Mom, I know what she did to me and I know exactly what I'm going to say to the judge."

That was another lie. Hanna had no idea what she was supposed to say to the judge, was she meant to be okay with the thought of the woman being released back into the world to unleash her mental instability onto the girls once again? Was she meant to fight it and tell them that five years was not long enough even though Charlotte had spent most of her life locked in an institute? Ironically, the building Hanna was sitting outside of right then, had been where Charlotte had spent so long. Had it been long enough?

Alison thought so. Well, Hanna supposed Alison thought her sister had served long enough four years and eleven months ago from the way she was talking. As Hanna stood there, just a few hours after her talk with her mom, she could feel the anger bubbling inside of her that hadn't been there before. Supervised visits, a chance to go home, to lead a normal life – if a bad person was crazy, does that make the bad things they did any better? Hanna wished it was so black and white – a bad person was a bad person and a good person was a good person. That would make life so much easier, it would make every situation so much easier to understand. If she found out Henry's father was a certifiably crazy person, would that make the situation better? She doubted it. So why did it make the person who stalked and kidnapped her any better a person?

She left her thoughts unspoken, and instead, let her friends speak as she stood there with folded arms and a glare on her face that showed just how disapproving of the entire thing she truly was. Charlotte being locked away had made her feel safer five years ago, but it hadn't stopped the nightmares, they had only stopped because something even worse had happened to her. But had they stopped for the three people standing next to her right then?

"All we have to say is that we're nor afraid of her. That's all Ali wants. Then we get the hell out of here." Spencer whispered and Hanna gave a small nod of her head; there were more terrifying things in the world to be terrified of than Charlotte Dilaurentis. Maybe she wasn't afraid anymore, because she had seen true darkness and maybe the crazy, mixed up girl who thought they were nothing more than her dolls, just wasn't it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you once again for the reviews, it's greatly appreciated. After this chapter, I'm very much at the stage where I will be making the decision on which ship this story will end up being, so to those asking, I promise that I will have a very clear view after I've done a little more interaction between the three possibles. My only question is now – Spaleb or no Spaleb? I'm not sure how close to canon I want to take this, so I was thinking of Hanna shutting it down when Spencer asks her if it's okay and then there's the drama that comes from that, of course. Let me know what you guys think in the reviews!**

 **Guest No problem! And yes, Hanna was raped but from the perception of everyone around her, she cheated on Caleb as she has kept the secret completely to herself, for now. Thank you very much for taking the time to tally the reviews, I really appreciate it!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing other than the plot line and Henry; the characters belong to the creators of Pretty Little Liars along with the canon lines in the season six episode described below!**

" _You tell me hold your head up, hold your head up and be strong. 'Cause when you fall you gotta get up, you gotta get up and move on. Tell me how the hell could you talk, how can you talk? 'Cause until you walk where I walk, this is all talk. Till it happens to you, you don't know how it feels..." - Lady Gaga_

Hanna sat there as Alison spoke, and then Spencer, her nails digging into her thigh as she bit down on her lip and tried not to run out of that impossibly small room. "One thing that I've learned from all this is that people are not always the things that they do." Her eyes glanced down at those words, and she wondered if the man who had raped her considered himself to be a rapist, if that was what defined him as a person or if he had another life. A life where he was a better man, who regretted the things he had done but told people he was not that person. For the first time in such a long time, she felt herself disagreeing with the ever intelligent Spencer Hastings – maybe Charlotte was the things that she did, she had done them so well and for so long, she had perfected the art of making their lives hell and now they were there, giving her a second chance. Would she have given them one had they not escaped?

When it was her turn, she had to remind herself where she was, her fingers pinching at the skin on her arm as she took a deep breath and stood up, slowly walking towards the chair Spencer had been sat in just moments before. All eyes were on her, and it was exactly the situation she tried to avoid, the kind of situation that would make her stomach twist and her heart thump. It took her a moment, before she cleared her throat and did her best to be the confident Hanna everyone expected her to be, "I was angry for a long time... but now every morning I wake up, I hold my son and we walk outside. It's either sunny or it's raining but... I'm free." It was ironic, Hanna felt a lot of things but she had never truly felt free. There were three peaceful years when she had first left Rosewood but even those had been coated by dealing with the trauma that Charlotte had caused her.

She shook the thoughts off and forced a small smile as she continued, "I don't see why Charlotte shouldn't have the same chance to get caught in the rain as I do." And after a moments pause, she reached her conclusion, "No, I'm not afraid of her." _Because there's so much more I'm afraid of now._

It was over. At least her part was, and she had to sit there as Emily took the same steps she had, just watching her best friends back as she spoke, each of them in turn pretending as though Charlotte was their past. Emily spoke, and Hanna listened until the words, "He also said you can decide what you're going to be afraid of..." It was those words that echoed through her head, and the room was suddenly smaller, hotter, and she wanted to be anywhere other than there. She wiped her sweating palms on her legs, trying not to draw attention to the fact that she was close to breaking down right there and then, with everyone watching.

It was Aria that pulled her from her impending panic attack, "I was on the Redline going to Braintree and the train stopped in the tunnel between the stations. The power went out and it was dark. No, not dark, it was black and I was back in every box, in every dark, tight place that A ever put me in and I couldn't breathe. " The blonde knew how that felt; every unexpected touch, every dark room, every single time she had to pass an alleyway, she was right back to that night. "Then I heard a girl crying. Good, I thought, somebody else is scared out of their mind. Then... the power came back on and every single person on that train was staring at me because I was the girl that was crying." Hanna fought the tears that were threatening to fall, trying to focus on her breathing by spending every last bit of her energy focusing on Aria and how Aria felt and how right her best friend was. She shouldn't have lied, she shouldn't have thought it would be okay to lie about the one thing that had been so important to them five years prior. "I don't want Charlotte released, ever."

And there it was. One person had spoken the truth and the other three sat there, the guilt coating all their features as each of them realised they had made a huge mistake. And Hanna knew that despite what had happened, she was still terrified of her first real tormentor. After that, she remained caught up in her own thoughts; since she had made the decision not to tell Caleb what had really happened that night, Hanna had found herself obsessing over things she should have and could have done. Even the smallest situations led to the self-torture later that day, as she went over and over what she should have done instead. And she was already going through what she should have said to the judge that would have bee honest, perhaps painful for Alison to hear but no one liked hearing the truth. "That's all any of us want. To have a home."

She watched Mona leave, blue eyes settling on the shut door as she pondered over the words of the woman they had all expected to come in there and be completely and utterly ruthless about Charlotte. Maybe she was right, maybe Charlotte did deserve to have a home – but Hanna hadn't even found her own, so why did 'A' get to have it before her?

The news she never expected seemed to be an easy decision for the judge to make, because just a few hours later, she was standing next to Aria, with her phone in her hand, just staring down at the words in front of her. Aria had been the only person who was completely and utterly truthful about her feelings and it hadn't even mattered because Charlotte was going home. The twenty-three year old woman just let out a small, bitter laugh as she shook her head – A was going to get a happy ending and Hanna was still struggling to find a happy middle.

Hanna held her sleeping son on her lap as she sat with her three (drunk) best friends, a smile on her face as she just listened to them. It had been a long day but it was set to be their last night in Rosewood and she couldn't think of a better way to spend it other than with the three people she had been through hell and back with, and still come out the other end fighting. She had no idea when they would see each other again, or how old Henry would be, but she had tonight and that was enough. She sipped on her mocktail when Spencer drunkenly blurted out, "I thought it wouldn't matter what we said to the judge... because I thought they would never let her out. I thought that we could just lie for Ali one more time and it wouldn't matter. But it did. They let A out."

The tears were in her dark eyes and Hanna bit down on her lip as she frowned, and gave a small nod in understanding. They let A out and none of them really knew what was going to happen next; there were really only two options, she supposed, either Charlotte was going to move on with her life and let them continue to move on with theirs or she was going to pick up right where she had left off. And Hanna had Henry to think about, so she was starting to regret the decision to tell one more lie for Alison as though it would be the last time. It didn't take long for the four of them to fall into old habits at twenty-three, so she doubted it would be any different if they added a few more years on.

"Wouldn't it be the biggest cosmic joke ever if Charlotte gets to live happily ever after?"

"If she can do it, so can we. A toast to Charlotte." The four girls raised their glasses, each saying the name of the person they had once only known as A – the anonymous person who had made their lives a living hell from the moment they had taken over the 'game'. It felt good to just be able to put a face to the years of pain, to be able to say the name of the person who put them through so much for nothing.

That night, as she went to sleep, Hanna could remember the relief she felt, listening to the sounds of Henry's light snoring, knowing it would be her last night in Rosewood. She could go back to the life she had created, and her best friends could go back to their seemingly perfect lives, each of them blissfully unaware of the mess Hanna truly was. It was easier when she didn't have to pretend, or lie, or act like someone she wasn't even sure she was anymore.

Nothing was ever that easy in Rosewood.

With each passing moment she was stuck in the town, Hanna could feel her entire world come crashing down on her. Henry was completely unaware of the drama that surrounded him, and she wanted it to stay that way but Rosewood had a way of tainting everyone, even the most innocent of people. She needed, more than anything, to get him out of there but instead, she was stuck; the memories of waking up that morning to the phone call she hadn't expected from Ali replayed through her mind as her hand shook, almost dropping the pill she held in her hand. Her eyes glanced at the bathroom cabinet that was temporarily home to the various medications that managed to get her through every day. Was there a pill that could make the past few days disappear?

Quickly, she swallowed the pill when she heard the door knock, rubbing her reddened eyes before she took a deep breath and moved to open the door, only to hesitate when she saw who it was on the other side. "Hey." The first word he had spoken to her in two years somehow seemed... almost disappointing, she supposed. He had left his phone behind, he had gone travelling around Europe without her and there he was, as though two years hadn't passed.

She shook it off, as far as Caleb was concerned, she had cheated on him, so he could be as casual as he wanted when it came to seeing the person who had broken his heart. "Hi. Sorry, um, I thought that you were room service." She finally managed to get out, trying not to let her discomfort show as her grip tightened on the door and her eyes met with the dark brown ones she had missed so much. Caleb only gave her a small smile, his eyes moving from hers, awkwardly refusing to make eye contact as he scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders, a nervous smile plastered on his face as he was faced with the person he had last seen sobbing on the floor of their New York apartment, "I'm afraid not. Spencer called me. Told me what happened."

They could both remember a time when conversation seemed to flow so easily for them, when they could talk about everything and nothing all at the same time and nothing seemed forced. It seemed as though, considering what had happened between them and then the years that had passed since, created an awkward tension that neither had thought would ever exist between them. "Spencer called you?" Hanna didn't know why it felt as though her best friend had just stabbed her in the heart, she had known Spencer and Caleb had been friends but somehow, the thought of her reaching out to Caleb almost seemed like a betrayal of some sort. When he explained, it only felt as though the knife was twisting further and further, Spencer hadn't even mentioned she had seen her ex-boyfriend in Washington, Hanna hadn't even known where he had been for so long and it seemed as though, at least from what she could tell, Caleb and Spencer had kept in contact. "Can I come in?" He finally asked, and Hanna looked behind her, unsure what her answer should be. She hadn't been alone with him since he had left her and then there was the reason he had left her, happily sitting on the floor of the hotel living room, playing quietly with his toys. Still, she found herself nodding her head and stepping out of the way to let him in, slowly shutting the door behind him as she tried to steady her breathing.

"Why are you here?" Her question was accusing, filled with bitter confusion because when he had walked out on her, she had assumed that would be it. Still, she tried to reconcile the words as she shook her head, letting out a small, nervous laugh, "Sorry, um... it's been a very long day and I didn't expect you to turn up on my doorstep or anywhere else." She spoke to his back, knowing his eyes were very much on the toddler who was staring up at the new stranger, a huge smile on his face, completely unaware that, in another life, he could have been Caleb's.

Eventually, Caleb tried to shake off the overwhelming pain that rushed over him as he turned back to Hanna, "Yeah, uh, Spencer told me about Charlotte and um, I don't know... maybe it was a conditioned reflex. Thought I could help." There was her name again, Hanna had no idea why it caused the reaction it did, there was just something about the way he said Spencer's name that didn't sit right with her. She pushed it back though, because no matter what, it was none of her business, nothing that happened in Caleb's life had anything to do with her. "Well, I'm glad to know your reflexes still work." She attempted to joke, trying to make light of the terrible, awkward situation they had found themselves in.

Despite everything that had happened, and the time that had passed, there was a familiar look in Caleb's eyes. No one else had ever looked at her in the way he did – it was concern, complete concern but the kind that didn't make her feel as though she was been patronised or pushed into a corner, "You okay?" He asked, and Hanna decided to be honest for the first time since she had arrived in Rosewood, "Well, we came here to help Ali and Charlotte killed herself. We could've just kept our mouths shut and she would still be in a nice, safe hospital. Instead, we have another funeral to get through." Was he expecting her honesty? Hanna doubted it, considering she had spent the latter part of their relationship just lying to him, no amount of honesty could make up for the betrayal she knew he felt.

"Yeah. I thought I might stick around for that." Caleb replied, standing there awkwardly, glancing behind him at the child he knew to be Hanna's. He and Spencer had a pact, she wouldn't mention Hanna and he didn't mention Toby, they both just spoke about their own lives and tried to make new memories instead of dwelling on the ones they had left behind. So, whilst he had known Hanna had decided to keep the baby, thanks to a text he had seen on Spencer's unattended phone one day, he had known nothing about him or even seen him up until that point. He was the spitting image of Hanna, and he was glad he didn't have to look at the child and wonder what features he shared with the man who had ripped his world from him.

Hope. That was what she felt for a fleeting moment; was he staying for the funeral to be there for her? "Well my mom can set you up with a room here if you want." That hope was quickly crushed by his words, and the name of her best friend was once again repeated and Hanna knew she couldn't ignore her instincts. Maybe he wasn't staying for the funeral for her at all, why would he after what he thought she had done to him? "Uh, no, that's okay actually, um, I'm staying in Spencer's barn. Uh... so how've you been?"

It was a loaded question, more so than Caleb could have imagined but Hanna smiled through it, as Henry called out for her attention, letting out a loud squeal as he shook his toy in an attempt to get the attention of his mother, and the stranger who didn't seem to want to look at him. It was unusual, the toddler was used to people fussing over him at any given chance, and instead, Caleb had trouble even acknowledging the boy's existence. "I've been okay." She replied, moving over to pick Henry up, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she gently shushed him. Caleb was forced to look at him now, and Hanna wondered how it made him feel, to know what could have been and what should have been. They probably would have been married, trying for their first child together at this point, and instead, they had no idea what the other was doing with their lives. Not only had they broken up, but they had completely removed the other from their lives, thinking it was the best thing. "Are you still in New York?"

Caleb tried to look at Hanna, but his eyes were drawn to the blue eyed toddler who was trying to show him the cuddly monkey he held in his hands. Caleb recognised it as one he had given to Hanna as a silly gift that he had managed to win at a funfair they had gone to. The monkey had been left in Hanna's memory box, but she must have pulled it out to give to the boy because it looked well-used. Hanna nodded her head at his question, "Yeah, I finished college and now I work for a magazine from home." Caleb nodded her head and took a step back, tearing his eyes from the boy as he ran his fingers through his hair and tried to think of something he could say to get out of there. "Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me."

Before he could just leave, Hanna stopped him, "Why didn't you call me before you came over?" The brunette just shrugged his shoulders and bit back a frown, "I wasn't sure if you'd let me in." His answer caused Hanna's brow to raise in confusion, and she voiced it, "Why wouldn't I let you in, we're still friends aren't we?" That slight tone of desperation didn't go missed by either party as she looked at the man in front of her, hoping that one day, he would forgive her for everything she had put him through. It may have been unwittingly but Hanna knew she had hurt him more than he would ever be able to tell her. "Yeah, of course we are." Came his reply, and it was enough for Hanna right then. Two years of nothing and then a small glimmer of hope, it was all she could ask for from the man as he opened the door to her room service.

She watched his eyes glance over at Henry once again before he stumbled out backwards; they weren't there yet but she hoped, more than anything, that they could at least be friends. That was much more than she thought she deserved.

It wasn't until the funeral that she saw him again, his eyes only met with hers briefly before he realised there was a child attached to her hip. Hanna had never seen someone look away from her so quickly before, his cheeks a slight shade of red as he sat down behind them and looked everywhere other than at his ex and her son. The blonde hadn't wanted to bring him, but at the same time, she hadn't wanted to let him out of her sight. She had been right when she had known that nothing good seemed to happen in Rosewood, there was always one awful thing after the other and whilst she had wanted to avoid her son having to go through any of the pain she had been dragged through when she lived there, she knew he was safer in her arms than he was anywhere else.

For the most part, she managed to keep calm, just absent-mindedly rubbing his back as he slept, snuggled up to her, completely unaware of what was going on around him. And she managed to keep it that way until Sara Harvey walked through the doors and her instinct took over, bringing him closer to her chest – was the nightmare ever going to be over? Charlotte was gone, but there was Sara Harvey, smirking at them like she was plotting something and Hanna wouldn't put anything past the girl who appeared to be an extremely talented actress.

For the rest of the funeral, Hanna's attention was purely divided between what was going on in front of her, and the boy who remained asleep throughout the entire thing. As she stood outside, watching Alison get into the back of a car, followed by Sara getting into another, she tried to count how many funerals she had been to. It was far too many, and two of those funerals had been for two people who were in the church that day, it just proved how crazy Rosewood was and only made the craving to get out of there build up. She couldn't ignore the way Caleb's hand seemed to linger on Spencer's arm for longer than necessary, or the way he spoke to her like she was the only person in the room, or even the way her eyes followed him as he walked away. She wanted to pretend like she hadn't noticed, because once she was back in New York, it wouldn't matter. She could run back to the safety of her apartment and try to forget about the fact she was still in love with the person she had pushed away.

She had been planning the moment in her head before Lorenzo walked over to them, and as it always did in Rosewood, her world came crashing around her. The plans she had to get out of there once again quashed by another twist – she was meant to leave but then Charlotte killed herself, and then she was meant to leave again but it turned out Charlotte had been murdered. What would be the next twist in the story? What else was going to keep her anchored to the place she hated so much? After the Detective had walked away, she was quick to jump on Spencer's words and she wasn't sure if it was because Spencer truly was wrong or if it was because of the anger that seemed to be building inside of her at the thought of something happening between her best friend and her ex-boyfriend, but she didn't have long to think about it before the girls spoke again, Spencer's words running through her mind as she looked up at the church; _We are home._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! And apologies for the seriously long chapter, I forgot just how much Pretty Little Liars packs into one episode and I wanted to intertwine canon with this story as much as I possibly could.**

 **As an update, I have decided that the ship for this story will be romantic Haleb, but with very strong mentions of friendship between Spencer and Hanna that I will continue to explore throughout this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing other than the plot line and Henry; the characters belong to the creators of Pretty Little Liars along with the canon lines in the season six episode described below!**

" _She's imperfect, but she tries. She is good, but she lies. She is hard on herself, she is broken and won't ask for help. She is messy, but she's kind. She is lonely, most of the time. She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. She is gone, but she used to be mine." - Sara Bareilles_

With everything that had happened, the last place in the world Hanna wanted to be right then was in Alison's house, with Spencer, Caleb and Emily. Even walking into the house, there was a sense of discomfort that she just couldn't shake – Charlotte was meant to be in the first few days of being home and instead, they had attended her funeral and were at the centre of a murder investigation. And, whilst most people would maintain the fact that if they were innocent, they had nothing to worry about but with the Rosewood Police, she had no idea what could happen. She had already been to jail once because of their inability to do their jobs, she wouldn't be surprised if she ended up back there again for another crime she didn't commit.

If the obvious tension in the air caused by the death of Ali's sister wasn't enough to make Hanna want to run, then being in the same room as Caleb and Spencer was enough to almost tip her over the edge. She was already dealing with being the only person who knew Aria had left the hotel room that night, the feeling that her best friend was falling or had fallen for her ex-boyfriend, and the thoughts that she was going to end up in prison for something she didn't do, so being in a house trying to make completely awkward conversation, was the last thing she wanted. If anything, she wanted to go back to New York and curl up with a good movie, on her own, just as she had gotten used to.

Still, she did her best to avoid the two of them, keeping her eyes mostly on Emily, or Ali, distracting herself with setting up the table before she focused a little too much on trying to find the bottle opener. She didn't even drink, but she needed something to do, something that would keep her mind off the way Spencer's shoulder brushed against Caleb's, or the way his eyes followed the brunette across the room. She shouldn't have felt replaced, but she truly did because all she could remember was how he used to only have eyes for her, how she would be the only person who could make him smile like that. She had taken advantage of it all and now he had found someone else, or at least she assumed he had, because it was how it looked from her perspective. Why wouldn't he fall for Spencer? She was so together, so confident, so much of everything Hanna used to be but wasn't anymore. She couldn't blame him for moving on with someone who was probably much better suited to his intellect than she ever was.

With a sigh, Hanna searched through the boxes in the pantry, frowning when she was coming up empty, before she heard a voice behind her. She was quick to force a smile as she turned to face him, "Hi," She replied, before he told her what his task was, "Ali got rid of all the alcohol when she thought Charlotte was coming home but I'll help you find the wine glasses if you help me find an opener." She told him, as she shrugged her shoulders and turned back to look through the box she still had open, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath, wishing things didn't have to be so awkward between them.

"Henry is beautiful, I-I meant to say that yesterday but..." He broke the silence between them as he searched for the wine glasses Spencer had told him to get, making slow work of doing so, just so he could attempt to make any sort of conversation with the blonde. "Thank you." Her reply was genuine, as she smiled, pure pride rushing through her body as it did every single time someone said something about Henry. Before eventually, she turned back to him and took the few steps over, trying to steady her breathing – she hadn't been so close to him in so long, just one more step and she could actually touch him.

"Look, when you left for Europe..." She trailed off, forgetting what she was going to say as she gulped and ran her fingers through her hair, her hands shaking, "I-I don't know, I just... I never moved on, I don't want you to think that you left and I started playing happy families with someone else... it wasn't like that and I didn't want you to think that we meant nothing, you know? I never got the chance to tell you that we were everything I ever wanted and so much more, and I'm really sorry that I messed up. More than messed up. I completely ruined the one good thing I had in my life and for no reason at all. I never got the chance to tell you I was sorry..." The tears were about to fall and her hand quickly fell to her arm, digging her nails into the skin there in an attempt to focus on the present and not the overwhelming past that never seemed to disappear.

She hadn't expected him to say anything back, or even accept her apology but she had hoped for more than the three words he finally spoke, "You seem happy." She almost laughed, Caleb was the one person in the world who knew her better than anyone and if she seemed happy to him, then she was succeeding in her mission to push everyone away. The wall was working, and she was happy to keep up the lie, "I am."

Caleb forced his own smile, watching Hanna carefully before he gave her a small smile, "I'm glad." He went back to the search, making quicker work of it this time as he ran over the conversation in his head – when he had spoken, he half wanted and half expected Hanna to tell him the truth. She didn't seem happy at all, he could see it in her eyes, and anyone who knew the blonde well enough would be able to tell just from the way she looked, even the way she dressed. Long gone were the short skirts and revealing tops; he had only seen, and had confirmed with Spencer, the previously Fashion obsessed woman was only seen in jeans or trousers, buttoned up tops with long sleeves and jackets that seemed a little too big for her tiny frame. She had always been perfect in his eyes, but now, all he saw was a withdrawn, thinner, paler, more exhausted looking version of the person he had fallen in love with so many years ago.

He tried to push those thoughts back though, because he could only imagine how exhausting being a single mother must be. Especially when she was working, too. He didn't want to judge the life Hanna had, although he wanted it to be a good one, even if he had walked out of it.

"Found it." They both called out in unison, relief coating both their features as Hanna smiled at him, "Looks like we both have what we need." She said, giving him a sad smile before she walked out of there, and back towards the room where the awkward tension seemed to be ten times worse.

It was moments later that they were all sat around the table, her and Alison at the respective head, Emily on one side of her and Caleb and Spencer on the other. She wondered how her mother was getting on with Henry right then, what they were up to and how she would much rather be there than sat at that table right then. The blonde looked up when Alison sat down, and Spencer spoke, "What was it? The update?" With a sigh, Alison responded, although Hanna could hear a bit of bitterness lacing the tone of her voice, "Time of death. Charlotte was killed around four am... Lorenzo says this is good news, they're one step closer to finding her killer." And then she paused, looking around the table, "Let's say grace."

Hanna kept her eyes focused on the table before Emily cleared her throat, gently tapping her arm, causing Hanna to look up and frown. Now Ali wanted her to hold hands with her ex-boyfriend, as though the entire night wasn't awkward enough. With an apologetic smile directed at Caleb, terrified that the last thing he wanted to do in the world was touch her, she gently placed her hand in his and then Emily's, focusing on Ali's words and not the need she had to wrap her fingers around Caleb's hand tightly and never let go. _He raped me._ It screamed in her head but she could never say those words, not to him and not in front of everyone.

"Thank you Heavenly Father for this healing food and these dear friends and thank you to all those who are working tirelessly to seek justice for Charlotte and thank you for helping the police find Charlotte's killer and anyone who could be protecting him... or her. Thank you always for your guidance and love. Amen." Hanna had opened her eyes, getting too lost in her own thoughts, relieved to find Spencer's and Emily's eyes open as well, each of them looking from Ali to Hanna, confused expressions on their face until the other blonde's eyes opened and she glared at them. Hanna's heart thumped against her chest, because despite the fact she didn't know anything for certain and she wasn't the one who murdered Charlotte, Alison somehow managed to make the guilt creep in. Her eyes met with her two best friends, biting down on her lip as they all silently agreed on just how awkward the entire night was, and now it could only get worse.

And just as they had come to Rosewood to lie for Ali one more time, somehow, they managed to fall right back into high school habits with each passing moment they spent in Rosewood.

It was how Hanna found herself standing in front of her mother, her arms folded and her body tensed as she lied. Her mother knew her too well, she knew what Hanna and her friends had to do during high school just to survive, and Hanna knew that despite how much she protested, Ashley would never believe she, or her friends, had nothing to do with the erasing of the tape that could have been used against Aria and Ezra. "I had a daughter who was staying here who was once tortured by the victim. Don't look so surprised." Were the last words the red head spoke to her daughter before she stormed off and Hanna just watched her leave.

She could almost laugh out loud as she thought about how she had managed to turn back five years despite the fact she had already been through worse, and she had a son that she was meant to be focusing on. She had to resist the urge to Google just how long in prison she could get for covering for a potential murder suspect, before the panic finally began to settle in. Her mother was going to be taken in for questioning, and the Rosewood Police always seemed to get everything so wrong. There was one link between anyone who worked at that hotel and Charlotte and that single link was her mother – she had unwittingly put her in the firing line. Just one more thing she had to feel guilty about, another thing that would repeat in her head over and over again until she could fix it.

That was how she found herself talking to Spencer, despite the fact it was the last thing she wanted to do. Jealousy was a powerful emotion, but never as prominent as the pure guilt she felt – maybe if she had told Caleb two years ago, they would still be together and maybe, just maybe, she would have been okay. Her life was full of maybe's and one of those was standing right in front of her – maybe this would be the girl who got the man of Hanna's dreams. Her blue eyes watered and she looked at her friend with complete desperation, "You have to ask your mom-"

"No. My mom's not an attorney right now, she's a candidate. I cannot ask her anything and I can't talk to you right now I'm in the middle of an interview. " Hanna shook her head in disbelief, the first person she had thought of who could help her, wasn't going to. And she knew she couldn't waste any more time trying to convince Spencer otherwise, "Spencer, the police have a list of everyone who stayed at the hotel that night. Someone was murdered and you're going to get questioned. We all are."

She didn't stick around to get a response. She knew there was no point, and instead, she had to focus her attention on finding someone who might actually help Ashley Marin out when she needed it. The woman would stop the world for her daughter if she could, and Hanna needed to do the same for her, especially after two years of being an awful daughter. It was how she ended up at the loft Lucas had mentioned to her earlier in the day; Hanna stood outside for just a moment, the prospect of being alone with any man was something she had to build up the courage to do, but she knew she had to do something. Lucas could help her, he would actually be willing, if he was still the same person he had been five years ago, at least.

A deep breath later, she quickly raised her hand to knock on the door, not bothering to force a smile when it opened, and she was greeted by the person she hadn't seen in so long before that day. "I need your help." Was all she had to say before he invited her in, so quick to rush to her aid – how she ended up with someone as sweet of a friend as Lucas, she would never know but right then, she needed him to help her. There was no time for small talk, she could feel her stomach twisting, and her heart thumping, her palms were sweating and she tried to convince herself that it was just Lucas. She hadn't been truly alone with a man in so long, it was a situation she had always managed to avoid and now, it made the huge apartment seem smaller, the walls tightening around her before her eyes finally settled on him and instead, she rushed to get her words out. She explained everything to him, how she thought the police were thinking, how she feared she and her friends were about to be framed for the murder of Charlotte DiLaurentis. And then she reached her conclusion, the real reason she was there, "Well, I was thinking that maybe... maybe you could say that you came to my room and you met Henry and we talked until the sun came up..."

She saw the look on his face, and she realised how ridiculous the entire thing was, he was a successful man now, why an earth would he risk his own life to protect her? Why would anyone want to do that? _You're worthless,_ she reminded herself as she shook her head, running her fingers through her hair, "You know what? Forget that, I'm I'm sorry I even asked." She moved quickly past him, embarrassed that she had even asked in the first place.

And then he spoke, his words laced with confusion, "You want me to be your alibi?" That was exactly what she had asked him, only he left out the key word – fake. Her fake alibi, and if she needed one of those, how guilty did he think she was? "No. No, I don't. I really didn't think this through. Let's just pretend I never asked. Hey, when you're in New York, let's get dinner." Her words were panicked, rushed, and she needed to get out of there, away from him and away from the embarrassment she had probably caused the both of them.

"Um, Hanna. You need me, I'm there for you." For the first time in so long, Hanna's smile was a genuine one, the tears falling out of pure relief as she looked at the person in front of her. So many bad things had happened to her, she had almost forgotten how true, loyal friendship felt. Lucas was just living proof that good people, good men, still existed, and it was all she needed from him right then.

Relief was all she felt that night – she had finally sorted something out, even though the mess she had created was purely her own. If she hadn't erased that tape, Aria and Ezra would have had the chance to explain themselves and maybe they should have trusted that the Police would know what they were doing this time. Maybe they had learned from their mistakes, unlike the girls, she supposed.

She was in a world of her own, staring down at some old photographs of Henry in her mother's house, frowning as she realised she should send her more. She should include her more, it wasn't Ashley's fault what had happened. A knock on the door took her from her thoughts and she looked up, giving the brunette a smile smile when she sheepishly walked into her kitchen, "Look, I'm really sorry about the way that I talked to you today. I was just so focused on trying to be my mom's saviour that I..."

Hanna cut her off, not sure she wanted to hear her apologies, "No, it's fine, Lucas is going to help us. He's gonna be our alibi." She shrugged, as though it was no big deal but the two of them knew it was, Lucas was going to lie for them and either it would get them out of the trouble they had once again found themselves in or it would land them all in even more trouble than they were before. Only, Hanna had managed to drag one additional person into the mess that was officially known as A drama. Spencer's eyes glanced down at the photographs Hanna had laid out on the table, a small smile on her face as she stared at the huge smile of the boy who looked so much like her best friend, "You seem happy." She finally said, looking back up at Hanna, searching her face for any clues that she was anything other than content with her life.

For a moment, Hanna wondered if she could win an award for her obvious talent as an actress, for Spencer was the second person to tell her she seemed happy when Hanna always thought she was anything but. It almost made her want to call her doctor up and inform her that the happy pills seemed to be working – it almost made her laugh, if only Spencer and Caleb could look at the medication Hanna had to take just to get through every day. If only they could spend one moment inside her head to see what was truly going on, would they still think she was happy? When her best friend spoke again, Hanna wondered if she actually seemed happy or if Caleb and Spencer only said it to ease their own guilt about the way they felt for each other. The second option seemed more viable with each passing second, "So, um, is it weird now for you to see Caleb?"

"No, why does everyone keep asking me about Caleb?"

"I, I didn't realise anybody else had."

"Oh." Was all Hanna could say, before that moment, everything in her head had been just that – in her head. Suspicions, her own paranoia, her jealousy that Caleb had moved on when they should have been together. She knew that look, and she knew Spencer better than either of them truly realised up until that point, and she knew that her best friend had done what most would consider forbidden in the world of 'girl code'. She stepped closer, "So... do you have feelings for..."

Spencer didn't say anything, she didn't have to, so instead, Hanna continued, "So, um, when you, um... when you guys, uh... met up in Spain..." She trailed off, the thought being enough to break her heart even more than it already was. Whilst she was sitting in their empty apartment, mourning the loss of the person she loved, along with the confidence and the safety she had once felt, whilst also trying to come to terms with the fact she was carrying the child of her rapist, Caleb had been hooking up with Spencer.

The thoughts quickly disappeared, "No, no, I would never do that to you. No." Spencer was adamant, her words were confident and Hanna knew they were true but it didn't matter. The feelings were there, it was enough to feel that crushing betrayal, even if nothing had happened just yet. "I don't even know if he feels the same way."

This was it, Hanna thought, this was the moment she could either make Caleb hate her more than he probably already did, or just let him go once and for all. She knew that the moment anything happened with him and Spencer, that would be it, there would be no future for them. She could stop imagining a world where he would realise something just wasn't right, because he would be focused on someone who could give him everything he deserved. She was shaking, her breathing unsteady, her eyes stinging with unshed tears as she looked at Spencer, "I.." She trailed off, she didn't know what to say, and Spencer's eyes seemed to fill with desperation increasingly as every second passed. "You can't," She finally whispered, "Please..."

There it was. Begging for her best friend not to make a move on her ex, if he found out, would he hate her forever? "I know I'm supposed to just say... go for it because I'm the one who messed up, I'm the one who let him leave and I didn't fight, I didn't... I just let him walk out that door and I know he probably thinks that he means nothing to me but... I'm not over him, Spencer. It's been two years and I, just the thought of seeing you with him..."

The desperate look on Spencer's face was replaced with one of confusion as she bit down on her lip and folded her arms, "You cheated on him though, Hanna." She pointed out the obvious, and Hanna just shook her head, _it's not cheating if you didn't want it._ She opened her mouth to say the words that ran through her head, but as always, they got caught in her throat, and the self-doubt began to creep in. Would it mean anything after two years of complete silence? Would anyone believe her? Would Spencer think it was a pathetic attempt to snatch Caleb from her? Each question that Hanna asked herself caused her chest to tighten, before the tears finally fell, and her arm swung out to grip onto the counter. Counting was meant to work, her therapist had tried to go through multiple exercises with Hanna to keep the panic attacks at bay but nothing would make any of it seem normal, not in front of Spencer.

"Hanna, I won't do anything without your approval but I don't understand why..." She didn't understand why either; in front of her, was the perfect woman for Caleb. She was intelligent, beautiful, she had her life together, she wasn't broken, she was just... Spencer Hastings and Caleb deserved a chance at being with someone who wasn't going to ruin his life at any given moment. Hanna was never going to be that person for him, she had a son, and she took anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medication, sleeping tablets, her life was a complete and utter mess and she could let Caleb be free to be with someone who would give him normality.

"I didn't want this, I didn't want any of it..." Was all she managed to get out, repeating it over and over until Spencer's arms wrapped around her and her lips pressed to her forehead, "It's okay," She whispered, "I won't tell him, nothing is going to happen, just talk to me Hanna, please."

With her eyes closed, and her grip tightening on Spencer's arm, she let out a broken sob, "I didn't want to lose him, Spence, I really didn't want to lose him but we were fighting all the time, we weren't having sex, it was just like we existed and we stayed because we loved each other and neither of us wanted to end it but we both knew it couldn't carry on." She took a breath, not really paying attention to the words that fell from her lips, "I kind of thought he would be there forever, I just... I forgot that people leave. People leave all the time and things happen and then they're gone and I should have tried harder, I should have done more but then everything was so much worse than it ever had been before. I was going to try and fix things, I was going to make things better, I was going to try, I promise I was going to try but then I-I, then I was raped and everything was fucked up. More than it was before. And then he left, he left before I could tell him and then-"

Spencer pulled back, grabbing her friends face gently as she frowned, but Hanna continued to ramble on, trying to gloss over what she had just said but it was just those words that rang through Spencer's mind over and over again, on repeat. Suddenly, everything made sense – she hadn't seen Hanna until after Henry was born because she had been in Europe, and her best friend seemed so different. Withdrawn, thinner, quieter, she flinched every time someone touched her, or someone spoke too loudly, or the door slammed, she had a look of panic etched into her features that she would quickly try and cover with a forced smile. They assumed she was just exhausted, motherhood was something none of them had ever experienced before. She should have known better, she should have known.

"Hanna, stop, stop... stop." She wiped the tears away, and shook her head, "You didn't cheat on Caleb," She tried to wrap her head around it as Hanna's sob worsened, "Don't tell anyone, don't tell Caleb, please.. promise me, Spencer..."

The brunette took a deep breath and rubbed Hanna's back, before she nodded her head a little, even if she didn't agree. "Tell me everything," She finally settled on, her feelings for Caleb long forgotten as she stared into the eyes of her broken friend. She had the same look in her eyes as she had when she was in the doll house, but none of them had noticed, for two years, no one had seen just how broken Hanna was.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: As always, a gracious thank you for all the amazing reviews. It's the weekend, and I officially have no work so I shall be updating as much as I possibly can. I hope you enjoy this chapter, which finally has a little Hanna and Emily time!**

 **It's always great to hear people's views on the story, and I absolutely love people giving me ideas for where they would like to see the story go further. I will be sticking to canon as much as realistically possible given the particular plot of this story but if you have a particular scene you would love to see for example, or anything at all, I shall always do my best to show every reader how much I appreciate the fact you have taken the time to read this story that has been in my head for far too long.**

" _If people could see me the way I see myself – if they could live in my memories – would anyone love me?" - John Green_

Hanna wrapped her arms around herself as she paced the floor of Aria's room, that burning feeling in her chest increasing with each second. "When do you have to go in?" Emily asked her, as she looked up at the blonde who couldn't stay still, "Five... He already grilled my mom." Hanna shook her head in disbelief, not able to believe this was happening to her again – another murder, another time she was in the frame. How did it keep happening? "Don't forget this is Lorenzo not Wilden, he's not hell bent on making Ali's friends look like-"

Hanna cut the other woman off quickly, letting out a bitter laugh, "Friends? Have you heard from Ali since that dinner?" Her eyes moved over to Aria, pointing at her, "Have you?" At their silence, she had her answer and she just shrugged her shoulders, yanking on her baggy hooded sweatshirt as her hands shook. "Alison is not looking to make anymore friendship bracelets."

"I thought you said Lucas was going to help, are you worried he's not going to come through?"

"I'm worried about everything, Emily - my mom losing her job, my boss firing me, my son getting caught up in this entire fucking mess, Spencer hating me, Caleb hating me even more than he already is, going to jail! Everything!" She pressed her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes, considering her previously diagnosed anxiety, being back in Rosewood was making it a thousand times worse. Everything ran through her brain at a million miles an hour, as she thought about what was going to happen in the worst case scenarios – only, every moment was a worst case scenario when it came to Rosewood. The entire place was cursed.

"God, I hate that I'm in this place and being forced to lie like I'm in eleventh grade all over again." With that, she finally sat down, ignoring the look Emily and Aria gave each other as she shook her leg, and bit down on her lip. Luckily, Aria was soon distracted by a Skype call from her boyfriend, but she could feel Emily's eyes on her, and it was only serving to make her feel even more uncomfortable than she previously had.

Hanna didn't have time to focus on that though, her head snapping up as Aria spoke, waiting until she hung up as she raised a brow, "Why are you worried about his book? Those are words, who cares about the stuff he makes up? Why don't you ask him for the truth about the night Charlotte was killed?" It was the only explanation; Ezra must have done it, because Hanna didn't know anyone else who would be in any frame of mind to actually go out of their way to murder someone else. All she knew was that she didn't do it, and neither did any of her best friends. It was Rosewood, there was an extremely limited suspect list but, as seemed to be the way everything went in Rosewood, there were always four people at the top of every single suspect list – Hanna, Spencer, Emily and Aria.

Aria didn't reply, distracted by the sound of a phone going off as Hanna frowned, "What was that?" Emily's body tensed and she quickly stood up as she grabbed her phone, "Timer... on my phone. My mom asked me to meet her." Hanna's brow raised and she looked Emily up and down, wondering why an earth she would need to put a timer on her phone for something so menial. Her eyes followed Emily suspiciously as she rushed out of the room, but she shook it off so she could look at the other big problem in her life right then.

"What are you going to say to the police if they call you in? Are you going to tell them that you met up with Fitz?"

"No, I was asleep the whole time, remember?" The blonde just shook her head and rolled her eyes, making her excuses to leave before she ended up saying or doing something she would end up regretting. Maybe they had all gotten so used to lying, it was just something they did. Sometimes though, Hanna just wished the lying would stop, and they wouldn't keep going around in the circle that was Rosewood.

She was so caught up in her own thoughts, she almost missed the open bathroom door, and the reflection of her best friend doing something Hanna was entirely certain she was never supposed to see. Her eyes watered, and slowly, she looked away, flinching when she heard the door slam shut the moment she did. At least one of her best friends didn't have the perfect life Hanna had thought she did, and it hurt her to even think about because it was one good thing she had clung onto – the fact that, despite everything, there was some happiness in the world for the three people who needed and deserved it the most. Hanna never got to find her own happiness, she wasn't sure if she ever would but she had wanted them to be able to.

Her blue eyes met with Emily's the moment she walked into the living room where Hanna had been waiting for her, mentally preparing herself to confront Emily over what she had seen. Would she appreciate it if Emily had seen her popping pills and brought it up with her? "Emily, I saw you in the bathroom." She blurted out, before she had time to talk herself out of it, her eyes filled with desperation and fear for whatever her best friend was doing to herself.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Em, it's me.." Her voice was soft, and a stray tear fell down her cheek as she reached out to take Emily's hand, "A-are you sick?" She was almost scared of the answer, but the question was one of the easiest to ask out of the ones she had turning through her head; was Emily on drugs? Was this how she was coping with her father's death? There were so many options but Hanna wasn't quite ready for the answer she got as Emily slumped down onto the couch with a defeated sigh, "No, I'm broke."

With a frown, she sat down next to her, a look of confusion on her face, "I don't understand, what about the Salk Institute?"

"It's not real, I mean... the place is but I don't have a job there." Hanna wondered how she didn't notice what a mess Emily's life was, because she had been so caught up in her own mess. It was almost ironic how she expected her best friend to spill to her when, if it was the other way around, she was certain to have a panic attack at just the thought of telling Emily about what a mess she had made of her own life, "What's going on?"

Emily's words caused her eyes to cast down, staring at her lap, realising that she wasn't the only one who had it rough since they had put Rosewood behind them. She had been blaming the town for everything that went wrong in her life, but maybe she was wrong, maybe it wasn't Rosewood that was cursed – maybe it was them, "The last couple of years have been a lot harder than I made things sound. I left school and I blew through all of the money my dad left with me. That's why when one of the girls that I bartend with told me about it..."

"Told you about what?"

Emily paused, observing Hanna when she realised who she was talking to – the only one of them who actually had a baby, "Donating my eggs.." She whispered, causing Hanna's nose to scrunch up in her confusion but at least the tears had stopped – Emily wasn't sick, she wasn't on drugs, she wasn't dying, she was just donating eggs. "Wait, that's what the injections are for?"

"You have to take a lot of hormones before the procedure, that's why I'm having it done here." The other woman shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal but Hanna knew otherwise, she could see through the lies now that she knew she was looking at the shadow of the person Emily once was. "Em, you don't have to do this, I'll lend you the money." She was lucky, she was paid a good wage and she barely spent anything – not like she used to, anyway. Long gone were the designer clothes, and the days she had spent hundreds and hundreds on dollars just to look good – Hanna found herself more comfortable in baggy shirts and natural make-up, designed to make sure nobody looked at her twice. She could disappear into a crowd and no one would notice, and that was perfect just the way it was.

"No, no.. it's okay, I want to. I mean... for the first time in forever, I actually feel good about a choice that I've made. I'm going to help two people start a family." Hanna sighed, but nodded her head in understanding, a small smile on her face, "I just wish you had told me sooner." She could have laughed at herself, because she knew if Emily ever found out what had happened to her, this was going to make things ten times worse. Emily would probably wonder why she had confessed her darkest secret right then to Hanna, whilst Hanna kept completely quiet about her own.

Emily smiled at the woman, a small, sad one that never reached her eyes, "I didn't know how," She admitted, and Hanna quickly moved to wrap her arms around her, hiding her face in her shoulder, "I understand." She whispered, knowing it would be the same answer she would give Caleb if he found out and he asked her why she didn't tell him sooner. Now that Spencer knew, Hanna knew it would only be a matter of time before the other people in her life found out. But until then, she wanted them to believe she was happy, she wanted them to think that her only concern was getting the hell out of Rosewood and not doing so in handcuffs.

She held onto Emily a little while longer, picturing what any child of Emily would look like and she knew, more than anything, that he or she would so beautiful – inside and out, just like her best friend was. "Whoever they are, they're the luckiest couple in the world." She finally said, pulling back, her smile watery as she looked at her, her smile only growing when she managed to get a laugh from the woman who had been so close to tears.

Saying goodbye to Emily had been hard, especially when she considered where she was going, exchanging heartfelt conversation with her best friend for the cold, hard seat of a police station interview room. She knew there were about a million and one places she would rather be and listening to the real story of Emily's life over the past five years had been just one of them. She tugged on the sleeves of her sweatshirt as Lorenzo spoke to her, his tone accusatory, pacing as he went over the story she had repeated to him three times already. "Do you mind if I invite someone else to join us?" He didn't wait for her to answer, and she knew the question was rhetorical as he walked to the door and motioned for someone to walk in – Lucas.

His voice was patronising, and Hanna had to resist the urge to roll her eyes as she dug her nails into her skin, wishing she could be as far away from there as possible. Lucas was so casual, as though lying just came easily to him, and Hanna knew that it was something that happened to all of those in Rosewood who had been through hell with Charlotte, or Ali, or Mona, or anyone else who treated high school like it was going to be their entire lives. Being a good liar seemed to be the personality trait of everyone she knew in Rosewood.

She laughed nervously when the tone of conversation changed, shaking her head quickly as her cheeks flushed a bright shade of red, "Talking. He means talking. We talked until the sun came up." Lorenzo didn't seem to be buying the story, and he spoke to Lucas instead, asking him if he had been drinking alcohol as well, and Hanna felt the panic start to settle in when she thought about how stupid she had been, risking Lucas' future now, as well as her own.

He seemed to have caught them, a smirk on his face as he looked between the two, and Hanna shook her head, not knowing what to say because she really hadn't done anything wrong. She hadn't left the hotel room, she hadn't thought about murdering Charlotte and she most definitely hadn't actually murdered her. All she had been thinking about was Henry and getting him the hell out of Rosewood, she would never have left him alone that night so she could do one thing that would ruin, not only her life, but his as well.

She hadn't done anything wrong but as Lorenzo looked at her, waiting for some sort of explanation, she sure as hell felt guilty.

When she was free to go, she could only focus on one thing – getting Ezra to confess to the crime he had committed so she could go back to the way her life had been before. At least that had been a hell of her own choosing, her isolation had been something she wanted, the walls she had built around herself were designed to protect her and her son but she wasn't able to do that from a jail cell. It was that fear that drove her towards Ezra's apartment, her hands shaking as she moved to knock the door, ignoring the way Spencer and Emily tried to get her to calm down.

"Is she already here?" There was no time for small talk, her glare settled on the man in front of her the moment the door was opened and she was on a mission. He would confess and everything would be fine, she could leave, maybe he would be in prison for the rest of his life but what did she care? Sure, she liked him, he was a good friend and a great teacher and Aria had loved him, but if he murdered someone, then he needed to just admit to it to put an end to the torture of everyone else who hadn't been involved.

"Do come in, join the party. Anybody bring torches, pitchforks, anything like that?" His voice was bitter, and it only served to anger her more as she walked inside and glared at him, "You didn't protect Aria, okay? I protected Aria."

Spencer's concern was obvious as she moved behind Hanna, gently placing a hand on her shoulder as she said her name, but Hanna was too focused on the person in front of her. "And we are not going to go down for this because you thought you had to slay the dragon."

"Hanna, please..." Spencer was desperate, she could feel Hanna's body shaking beneath her fingertips; she already knew her best friends secret, she could sense the desperation and the panic, the fear the blonde had that she was going to be arrested for something she truly didn't do. She understood why she was angry, but she was over-emotional, and Spencer felt the need to protect her as best she could. "What?! My mom may go down for this too, he needs to own up to what he did!" Hanna screamed, and the brunette just shook her head and stepped forwards, her body half in front of Hanna's in an attempt to protect her in the only way she knew how. It was Ezra, she knew he would never hurt her but sometimes, Hanna's own worst enemy was herself and the terrible thoughts that ran through her head.

"Hanna, just let me talk." She kept her hand out, keeping her behind her as she looked at her old teacher, "Look, you can sat it was self-defence, Charlotte had a very long history of throwing the first punch, no one would even think to question you." A look of confusion crossed Ezra's face, and then one of betrayal as he stared at the three women in front of them, and then the one behind him, "They can't! You already seem to have all the answers!"

It was Emily's turn, her arms folded, "Ezra,this wasn't some random car that hit her. Somebody planned this to make it look like she jumped." Spencer spoke next, glancing behind her at an emotional Hanna, before she explained about the paper, only for Ezra to quickly shoot her down, a look of disbelief on his face, "Okay, it's time for you to leave."

"Not until you're honest with us."

"Honest? Emily, you're not asking me to change your grade, you are asking me to confess to a murder!" It was a mess, it was all a mess, everyone was screaming, Ezra wasn't admitting to anything and her last hope was slowly disappearing. He had to have done it, it was the only option Hanna had left, her world was falling apart with every given second because she was going to prison for something she didn't do. And Lucas was going to have his entire life ruined, and her best friends would be in the cells right next to her own. This was it, this was how their A story ended and all because someone murdered the person who tortured them for so long.

"She will use this against us until it looks like we planned this and Ezra just carried out our wishes." Emily could sense it, too, Hanna could tell by the way she spoke – she knew something bad was going to happen, a lot worse than anything that had happened before. There was a huge dark cloud of uncertainty above their heads, as they all felt the pressure of being in the spotlight for a crime they had never committed.

"It's time to go." Spencer's grip tightened on Hanna's arm, before Ezra screamed, "Now! Get out!" Each of them flinched, shock lacing their expressions before Spencer pushed Hanna back gently, and took a step back of her own, "Okay, we're going to leave but you need to figure this out before the police do." She spoke, her eyes glancing towards the blonde, her hand moving from her arm to settle on Hanna's back as she walked with her out of the apartment. She longed to whisper some words of comfort to the obviously traumatised girl, wanting to know what was running through her mind right then but she couldn't. Emily was right there and whilst Spencer wanted to share the load with another person, she couldn't betray her like that.

Her eyes met with Emily's for just a second, wondering if she could see the way Hanna's body shook, the way her body tensed and how her eyes were only focused on the floor. Emily seemed caught up in her own thoughts, however, probably ones consumed by her fears driven by Sara Harvey seemingly following her around whilst Hanna was haunted by PTSD she had told Spencer she had been diagnosed with. Hanna had thought it silly, telling Spencer that she thought it was a diagnosis made only for people who had been through truly traumatic events such as a war, or even the dollhouse but Spencer had reassured her that trauma was trauma, whether it be a five second event or a five year event. And right then, the brunette could see just how traumatised the blonde was as she held onto her, wishing she could take the pain away.

Just a few hours later, Spencer found herself walking into the barn, tears falling down her face, exhausted and terrified at the thought of leaving Hanna. She had left the blonde snuggled up in her bed, her arms wrapped around her sleeping son, staring into space. That was how she had left her, promising her that she would be back in the morning to make sure Hanna was okay. She hadn't wanted to leave but Hanna insisted, muttering how she needed to be alone with her son.

She sniffed when she noticed Caleb sitting there, pretending to read a book he had obviously just picked up seconds before, "Hey," She murmured, biting down on her lip when he returned the greeting, his eyes following her as she sat down on the arm of the couch with a sigh, "Were you waiting up for me?"

"No, no, I was reading... The Gardeners Desk Reference..." He laughed at himself and threw the book down with a shake of his head, giving her a small smile as he noticed the drying tears, "Where have you been? Are you okay?" She appreciated the concern in his tone, and she could see why she had managed to fall for the man her best friend was still so clearly in love with. She just gave him a small smile, and shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah, I'm just... I met up with Hanna and Emily..." She trailed off there and glanced back up at him, "When you first heard that Charlotte was killed, where did your mind go?"

"You mean, as in, who did it?" He waited for her nod before he continued, "I mean, Sara Harvey was pretty high on that list, why?" Spencer frowned, "I don't think she did it but I do think that she remembers more than she's letting on." She had no idea what had brought on those thoughts right then – she supposed seeing her best friend go through so much internal torture had made her thing of the physical torture they had seen someone else go through. When he spoke, she couldn't believe Hanna hadn't actually mentioned it to him – she supposed that Hanna managed to keep more secrets than she thought she was capable of.

With a sigh, she started to explain, telling Caleb about what she had witnessed, what had happened because of a choice they had made and then the fact that they had just left Sara there. She had put them through so much, whether it was willingly or not, Spencer wasn't entirely certain but she still felt guilty. It wasn't what she had been crying about, but it was still something she thought about, even five years later. "You were given an impossible choice."

"Yeah, I know, that's what I always try and tell myself but what if it's not true? What if all of those years of being stalked and tortured, what if that hardened me? Maybe it happened so slowly that I didn't even notice it happening..." Caleb was quick to dampen those feelings, and she looked at him with such sadness, secretly mourning the loss for both herself and her best friend. They had both missed out on the chance to be with someone so sweet, so caring, so non-judgemental. "Thank you for not judging me."

She moved slowly to sit next to him on the couch, giving him a small smile, "I just wish you hadn't judged yourself." Came his response, and she just scrunched up her nose, a sigh falling from her lips when she admitted something she regretted the moment it fell from her lips, "There's, um, there's something else that I've been judging myself for."

The way she looked at him, the way she said those words, there was no way he could avoid the growing tension between them. It had started in Madrid, and for a moment, he thought it would end that night. Spencer could see him moving closer to her, his tongue darted out against his lip, his hand brushed against her own and their fingers touched, and then, just as he leaned in, and before Spencer could feel herself truly getting caught up in the moment, she yanked herself back. The tall woman stumbled up, and she shook her head, "I can't," She finally whispered, "I'm sorry, Caleb... but I can't."

Slowly, he stood up, not able to wipe the hurt from his face, having been so caught up in everything that was Spencer Hasting's seconds before. "Is it because of Hanna? We broke up, Spencer, we broke up two years ago, she has a son... the last thing on her mind is what I do with my life." She wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her, or himself but she just gave him a sad smile, and nodded her head. A push in the right direction, that was all he needed – she may have had feelings for him but it just was never meant to be. She could see in his eyes when he mentioned Hanna's name and worst of it all, she could hear it in Hanna's voice when she spoke of her past. Just one little push and maybe everything would work out, Caleb would find out what really happened and whilst it would never erase the pain it had caused the two of them, they could find a way to get through it.

"I spoke to her," She admitted, wiping at a tear that fell, "I couldn't do this without asking her first and it wasn't ever going to be okay. I can't lose my best friend, even over a guy as perfect as you. I'm so sorry..." She sighed and motioned towards her bedroom, "I really need some time alone, but please, we're still friends, please stay on the couch." With that, Spencer made her way to the bedroom, and closed her eyes – it was the right thing to do but it didn't make it hurt any less.

Hanna wrapped her hands around the warm cup of coffee, walking slowly through Rosewood as she felt the cold air hit her face. Henry had been asleep when she left, her mother promising to keep a listen out for him as Hanna explained she just needed some time on her own. First, she had gone to thank Lucas for everything he had done for her, and he was the first person to ask her if she had anything to do with Charlotte's death, and he believed her, at least she hoped he did. The sound of his keys jangling in her bag told her that he trusted her enough to let her stay in her apartment, at least. She had no idea how much longer she was going to be in Rosewood but staying somewhere she had no memories – good or bad – would be a much needed relief.

Somehow, unconsciously, she had found herself at the park, another place that held so many memories. This time, however, mostly good, perhaps even great because, as she slowly moved to sit down on the swings, she could almost smile as she looked over at the other swing. It was their place, and even if she would never be able to have him hold her in his arms ever again, or sit on the swings and talk about everything and nothing, she'd still have the best parts. She had been so caught up in her thoughts as she gently kicked at the ground, swinging gently, the blonde hadn't heard the creak of the swing next to her, or looked up in time to see she wasn't alone.

A voice broke her thoughts, her head snapping up to see who had intruded hers and Caleb's spot, only to see it was the very person she had been thinking about, "Hey," Was all he had said, and it took Hanna far too long to come up with a response, she bit down on her lip and repeated the word back to him. An awkward silence followed, and Hanna wondered what was going through his mind that had brought him out there, so late at night. She didn't have to think about it much longer, however, his voice was low as he spoke, but she could still hear the anger that coated each word, "You told Spencer that nothing could happen between me and her."

Hanna gulped, refusing to look at him, not sure what she was meant to say. He wasn't asking, he was telling and Hanna knew she couldn't deny that, in all essence, she had told Spencer that. Instead, she settled on, "You have feelings for her?" The frustrated sigh that she heard was like a knife to her heart, and her grip tightened on the swing, "Why can't you just let me move on?"

Her head snapped up, "You can move on, why does it have to be with my best friend?" Her response was quick, bitter, angry, even disgusted because it was Caleb. He could have anyone, he could have fallen for anyone but he had fallen for her best friend, and whilst she couldn't blame him, it was probably the easiest thing in the world to do, it still hurt.

"Oh please, you've barely spoken to her in years. I didn't plan this to hurt you, I didn't think I would ever see you again and I was happy with that. I was absolutely fine with never laying eyes on you again after what you did." Hanna shook her head, silent tears falling down her pale cheeks, her hair covering her face so he wouldn't see. She managed to gather herself enough to speak, but she didn't look up, she couldn't, "Please don't, please don't ruin this one good place."

That was when he stood, and Hanna hoped he would just walk away, so she could try and remember a good moment. Everything was always ruined in the end; even the things she had once thought of as perfect, it was all destroyed. "You don't get to do that, you don't get to cry and beg and try and make me feel guilty for something you've gone. We're adults, Hanna, I can choose who I want to be with and that person should have been given the choice, too. You cheated on me, you let me go the moment you jumped into bed with some loser and then had a baby with him. You don't get to tell anyone that they can or can't feel anything for me. You don't get to play the wounded ex girlfriend because you're the one who made a choice and you didn't choose me."

She still couldn't look at him, the words on the tip of her tongue, but it had been so long. He'd wonder why she hadn't told him before, after two years of having the image of her willingly kissing another guy, making love to someone she worked with, or some random person she met at a bar. Whatever had gone through his head over the past two years as he recounted their relationship and how it came to a horrific end, Hanna didn't know how the truth would make any of that better. So, slowly, she stood up and wiped her eyes, before she looked at him and took a deep breath, "It wasn't a choice. And if it had been, I would have chosen you."

She didn't wait for him to say anything before she walked away, refusing to look behind her, instead, pulling out her phone when the sound of a text rang through the otherwise silent night, _I know you know who did it and I'm going to make you talk._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you to all those who took the time to review, I love reading each and every one of them!**

 **Emilie2601 Thank you very much for reading and reviewing – I'm going to try and add some more of adorable Henry in future chapters, I especially want Caleb and the girls to get to know him better! Also, apologies, you asked me a question in your last review and I completely forgot to reply; Henry is almost eighteen months old, I'll be going a lot more into his birth and those earlier months as the story goes on.**

 **missoutontheprize Thank you; I thought it best to at least let him have some idea of what happened to Hanna early on as I didn't want it to be something dragged out over the entire length of the story! Unfortunately, Hanna has kept Henry as a close, almost secret for so long and he's just this product of what most think of as Hanna having cheated on Caleb, so no one really knows how to react. But I will be doing my very best to fix this in the future.**

 **TheFandomLounge Thank you so much for your kind review! Since hearing about the Haleb break up, I longed for it to be a real reason and I feel as though what we were actually given ruined Caleb's character for me. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

 **And to all the guests, thank you so much – I hope you all enjoy this update. And to the Guest who mentioned Spaleb; I completely agree, I felt so betrayed when the show decided to go down the route of Spaleb, ruining three ships that I love on varying levels. I would love to see how they clean up the mess in the show, if they even try to clean it up. I made the decision not to go down the same route because I honestly could not see a way back after that, there was just nothing I could think of that would realistically heal all of that damage in the future no matter how I tried to play it out in my head.**

" _Come on, save me from my rocking boat. I just wanna stay afloat. I'm all alone. I hope someone's gonna take me home, somewhere I can rest my soul. I need to know you won't let go." - Major Lazer_

Caleb watched Hanna walk away, before he moved to sit back down on the swing, her words running through his head over and over again as he tried to figure out what she meant. In the end, he could barely focus on them though, as he remembered the last time he had seen the blonde before he had arrived in Rosewood. He had left her sobbing on the floor of their apartment, and despite how much it had hurt just to see those tears falling down her cheeks, he had felt so justified in his anger and his hatred. Now, he wasn't so sure if he had done the right thing that day,even though he didn't understand why.

He had once thought of Hanna as his forever, perhaps that was why he had clung to Spencer when he had first seen her all those years ago. She was his one and last connection to the person he had left behind and she had always been such a good friend – had those feelings gotten crossed somewhere? With a sigh, his eyes closed and he gently kicked at the ground; Hanna had been his forever, of that he had been certain, otherwise he never would have found the pregnancy test in the first place.

Caleb didn't make it common practice to go through Hanna's things, but he had been looking for photographs of them together and he knew she had printed off hard copies a few years ago to put in a scrapbook she had made. There had been a few spare, ones she had put in a box for safe keeping, and that was how he had found himself crawling under the bed to grab the box that would end up ruining every plan he had ever made for the two of them.

He couldn't remember how long he had stared down at the positive pregnancy test in his hand, trying to come up with an explanation that didn't involve the fact Hanna was having a child with someone else. They hadn't had sex in so long, it couldn't be an old one because the scare they had a year before had been a negative test, he had been there when she had taken it and promised her that he would be beyond happy should they get a chance to start their family. She wouldn't have hidden a positive test from him unless the baby wasn't his. Just staring at the test, his plans were gone and it felt as though she had physically punched him in the chest as he pulled the ring box from his pocket – he was going to pack it along with the small collage he was going to make for them but now it seemed redundant.

He was going to wait for Paris, Hanna loved all the romance and the cheese and whilst he wasn't a fan of being predictable, he would never get the chance to propose to her in one of the most romantic cities in the world again. They were going to be on the love lock bridge, where they would be able to place their own on the bridge after he had asked her to one day, become Mrs Rivers. He would blush as she told the story to everyone, but she would be so happy and that was all he could have asked for. Her being pregnant would have been perfect, had it not been for the fact he knew the baby wasn't his. And just like that, their happy ending had disappeared, ending with the ring box he threw across the room, watching as it hit the wall before he fell to the floor and let out an anguished cry.

Hanna looked down at her phone again, with a frown – her friends would just assume that she was waiting for another text from their new 'friend' but instead, she was wondering why she hadn't heard from Caleb. He had an entire night to think about what she had said, and Hanna wanted to know what conclusion he had reached, if any. Instead of dwelling on it any longer, she looked back up at her friends and sighed, "I lied to Lorezno yesterday and he knows it... I don't have anytime to play anymore games." And with that, she quickly typed in a text to the mystery person, as her friends muttered that she wasn't going to hear back.

She almost felt satisfied when she saw that whoever it was, was indeed typing back, a simple 'yes' flashing up on her screen within seconds. It didn't round it down, but Rosewood was a small place and if they knew that person, then it made it even smaller. Someone who was in Rosewood, who they knew and who cared about Charlotte, that was an extremely small list, or at least she hoped it was. "Look, whoever this person is, they think that we know who killed Charlotte and they're sending us these texts because they want us to rat that person out."

Hanna shrugged her shoulders, having absolutely no problem with that if it meant they could leave, "Well, we do know who killed her, don't we?"

"Ezra said he didn't do it." Aria was quick to come to the defence of her ex-boyfriend and Hanna had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at her best friend, sometimes, she truly wanted to shake her and ask her to see what was right in front of her. The person she knew before they left for college was gone, destroyed by a trauma that none of them would ever truly be able to understand no matter how hard they tried.

"Maybe that's what you heard Aria but the rest of us heard him kick us out of his apartment." Aria opened her mouth to reply but instead, the four women were distracted by the sound of a familiar voice on the television. Hanna's heart thumped uncomfortably as she stood up to walk closer to the large screen, gulping when she saw the face of the man who had been interrogating her just the day before.

"And every member of this police department is taking this case not just seriously but personally. Without going into detail that can harm the investigation I can tell you that we are narrowing down our list of suspects. We are confident we know what the murder weapon was and we will find it. The person who killed Charlotte DiLaurentis will be brought to justice."

Hanna almost wanted to laugh, not sure if the Rosewood Police Department even knew what justice was. She had no doubt they tried to discover the truth, but in the end, they seemed to jump to the wrong conclusion and Hanna only hoped it wasn't her and her friends who paid for that misjudgement this time. She let out a sigh when she heard that too familiar noise of their phones going off at the same time; _I found what they're looking for. Tell me who it belongs to._ Each of them eyed up the photograph in confusion, having no idea who it belonged to, before Hanna just shrugged her shoulders and looked at Aria, "Does Ezra play golf?"

Honesty. That was meant to be the best policy, even if Hanna didn't always abide by it. But that day she had decided that her mother deserved to know the truth, no matter how terrifying it was. It was how she had found herself leaving the hotel, and walking to her old childhood home, gulping before she opened up the unlocked door to let herself in, just in time as her mother walked down the stairs, "Hey, honey, I didn't know you were coming today. I was just heading to the hotel to meet up with Spencer – this town hall is turning out to be quite a nice little event for us."

"I erased the security footage from the hotel the night Charlotte was murdered." She blurted it out, and her heart dropped when she saw the look of hurt on the other woman's face, "Oh, Hanna..."

The blonde, almost as though she knew what Ashley was thinking, quickly shook her head, "We had nothing to do with what happened, I promise, but now it looks like we could have." Her mother let out a sigh and set her bag down on the side, "Why couldn't you have just left it alone?" Desperation, that was all Hanna could hear right then – she didn't truly understand what Ashley had been through with everything she and her friends had done, but she could see the way it had worn her down. She almost expected bad things to happen now, and Hanna couldn't blame her because she felt the same way.

Eventually, they moved the conversation into the kitchen, Hanna moving to sit on the bar stool as her mother paced and Hanna tried to explain everything she could. Of course, she left out the texts, because she didn't want to cause her mother anymore pain and fear than she already had. She wondered if Ashley dreaded her coming back to Rosewood as much, or even more, than Hanna had dreaded the trip. She wouldn't blame her if she had, she could only imagine how nice it must have been to have five drama free, angst free years without her daughter attracting trouble.

"I screwed up, I know that but I did it for Aria."

"You're not in high school anymore, you don't owe them anything."

"But they're still my friends. And what's the big deal, no evidence, no crime, right?" She was trying to worm her way out of it but she knew that she had created a horrible mess in the short space of time since she had arrived in the the town she hated so much. "The security company we use backs up all of our tapes to a hard drive that they store at some place called 'The Farm'. If the police get ahold of that drive they'll see that Aria left the hotel and they'll know that you're the one who erased the footage."

Her eyes stung with tears and she looked down, realising she had made a decision that could potentially screw up not only her own life, but Ashley's and Henry's, too. "Can't we go there? Erase the footage?" The response only served to disappoint her further, and she let out a frustrated sigh, running her fingers through her hair as she struggled to come up with ways to get herself and her mother out of the mess she had created.

Somehow, Ashley must have figured out a way though, because it was just a few hours later she found herself standing outside the station with a confused look on her face – she was free to go, the back up drive had gone missing. No evidence, no crime, right?

Despite how much her mother had already put on the line for her, Hanna still found herself sneaking into her office the next day, determined to find out if either of their newer murder suspects were checked into the hotel. She had no idea what that was meant to prove but she needed something to distract herself from the fact Spencer had gotten Caleb involved, and he was downstairs right then. She hadn't seen or heard from him since the night she had kind of confessed what had happened without actually telling him, and she wanted to be able to keep that up for as long as she possibly could.

Luck wasn't on her side as she sat down on the computer chair and stared at the computer screen in front of her, "She's logged out and I don't know her password." She murmured in frustration, just shaking her head – there were confidential files on there, of course it was going to be locked, she knew her mother was the Queen of organisation.

With a sigh, she heard Aria hand over the phone to Caleb, "Hanna can't figure out her mom's password," Was all she said before her heart stopped when she heard his voice, "Hey," Her eyes watered but she shook it off, "Hey..." She whispered, frowning when he got straight down to business, "Um, okay, what was the name of your first pet?"

"Guppy."

She couldn't help but smile when he let out a small laugh, "You named a Guppy, Guppy?"

"I was two. And that doesn't work."

"Right, okay, just try your birthday." She did as he said and repeated her previous words, there was a momentary pause on the other end of the line before she heard him let out a small sigh, "Try Henry's birthday."

"I'm in." Hanna felt more guilt than she ever had before, and not because of the fact she had lied to Caleb for so long, but because she had successfully hurt her mother by effectively making sure she was as little involved in Henry's life as she possibly could be. The fact that the office was littered in photographs of her already small family, and then her password was the day her only grandchild was born, just made her realise that she needed to do something to change the wall between her and her own mother when all of this mess was over.

Moments later, her eyes were settled on another person she had managed to push away, before she glanced at Aria, "Neither your dad or Ezra are staying here."

"What about Sara?"

"She put up a 'do not disturb' sign on her door two days ago and instructed staff not to go into her room whilst she's gone."

"What the hell is she doing in there?" Hanna wasn't entirely certain if she wanted to know, as she gave a shrug of her shoulders, "I'll take building a lair for three hundred, Alex." She muttered, looking away towards where Spencer was talking to someone about something she imagined was important. She managed to pull off the 'nothing is wrong' stance so well, they all seemed to be after years of torture. She had wanted to protect Henry from ever feeling as though he had to be pretend to be anything other than a happy child, but the longer he was in Rosewood, the more she could feel them being sucked into the nightmare life she had managed to avoid.

She could feel Caleb's eyes on her, but he didn't say a word as they got the photograph back up of the murder weapon, before they realised the one thing they had been missing the first time they had found themselves staring at the potential murder weapon. "We were so busy looking at the murder weapon, we didn't notice..."

Spencer seemed to notice what they were on about straight away, the moment she had walked over to them, her eyes focused on Aria's phone, "The carpet." She whispered, almost to herself as Hanna nodded her head; "My mom spent weeks trying to get the uniforms to match those colours."

"So, the person who sent this is staying at The Radley." It wasn't much information to get on, but it left just one person on their suspect list – Sara Harvey. Although, Hanna wasn't too certain where that information got them considering none of them had a clue what they were meant to do with the texts if they weren't able to trust the Police.

Her thoughts were disturbed by the sound of Aria's phone ringing and the photograph disappearing, "It's my dad," The girl replied, staring down at her phone as though she didn't know what to do, before Hanna and Caleb, at the same time, told her to answer it before their eyes awkwardly met and then quickly looked away from each other. If he knew what had happened, he wasn't acting like it and Hanna wondered if she would actually have to spell it out to him, something she never wanted to do.

The tension had been so bad, her relief was incomprehensible when she walked out of the hotel with Emily, trying to get her mind off of Caleb and every bit of drama that seemed to come with him and her talking. Her focus was on Emily, and the fact her best friend was about to undergo a procedure that would change the lives of a couple forever. "So, what did you tell Pam?" She asked, as they walked towards Lucas' apartment, wanting to laugh at the incredulous look on her friends face, "You know you can never call my mom that to her face, right? I told her that you needed me to look after Henry whilst you did some stuff for work."

"You need me to drive you?" She asked, even though she knew she needed to spend some time with Henry, who appeared to have taken a back seat since her arrival in Rosewood. It wasn't done on purpose, everything she did was to protect him from having his life ruined, but a child of his young age was only going to recognise the fact that various people looked after him whilst his mother randomly turned up every now and then to give him five minutes of distracted attention.

"It's okaym the clinic has a service, they just wanna make sure there's somebody to help me get settled into bed after. I should be fine in a day or so." Emily was making it sound like no big deal, although Hanna knew otherwise, so she gently nudged her as she smiled, "Well, I'll mash up your Jell-O just the way you like it." A moments pause followed and eventually, she stopped walking, pulling Emily gently to a stop, "You seem nervous, these are your eggs, you can change your mind."

"That's not it, I'm just weirded out by that text."

Hanna scrunched her nose up in confusion, thinking Emily was on about the text they had received from Aria ten minutes prior, after the woman had rushed out of there, muttering something about her dad needing to talk to her. "From Aria? Okay, this may sound crazy cynical but if Ella and Byron do get remarried, doesn't that mean she won't have to testify against him in court? I'm not saying Byron is guilty but-"

Emily cut her off quickly, "Did I miss the memo that says we call people's parents by their first names now?" Hanna shrugged, considering she was a parent herself, it barely seemed right referring to her friends parents as 'Emily's mom' or 'Aria's dad'. "It's just like Downton Abbey where Bates goes on trial..."

"Hanna, no, I'm talking about the text from Ali. Didn't you-?"

Hanna scoffed, of course Emily would get a text from the other blonde in their group and everyone else would be explicitly left out. Those two had something going on between them that didn't include herself, Spencer or Aria and she was secretly glad she didn't have to be involved in all of Alison's drama when she had more than enough of her own to cope with.

"Well, she's back and she reaches out to me alone, and just assumes I'll come and hear her out but I'm not doing it. I can't. Keeping this secret from my mom has been hard enough and yesterday, I took this gigantor shot and I feel like I've had three to many macchiatos. I mean why does she do this, why does she always come to me first and just expect me-" Hanna let out a laugh as she cut her off there, a hand going to Emily's cheek as she rolled her eyes, "Okay, are you going to breathe or are you just going to keep talking until you pass out?"

"Sorry, hormones." Hanna had been pregnant, she knew all about hormones, and whilst Emily wasn't pregnant, she imagined it was pretty much the same as she had been when she was pregnant with Henry. "Look, just tell Alison you're busy," She shrugged, as though it was that easy, and she supposed it was because Emily relaxed and ran her fingers through her hair, "I don't know why I didn't think of that." A momentary pause, and she cocked her head to the side, rolling her eyes at herself, "Hormones."

"Okay, well can you keep them in check for like ten minutes because you're about to walk into an apartment with a little boy who doesn't understand crazy woman hormones." They both laughed before they carried on walking towards the apartment they were both staying in, neither of them saying another word about Alison, the new A or Charlotte.

Hanna felt bad, hours later, dumping Henry on Spencer so she could go to her mother's house and ask her the burning question that had been running through her head since she had been sent away from the Police station with the words 'you're free to go'. Sat on the barstool she had been sitting in when she had confessed everything to the woman, she looked up when Ashley walked into the kitchen, "Oh, hi! I didn't know you were coming by."

Again, Hanna didn't have time or the patience for small talk as she raised a brow, "If I ask you a question are you going to promise not to lie to me?"

"Hanna, I'm running late."

"Why did you do it, mom?"

Ashley shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know what you're talking about." Causing her daughter to scoff, "Yes you do, the exact footage of the night Charlotte was murdered goes missing and you don't know what I'm talking about? I don't buy it." The next words that fell from her mouth made Hanna stand up, folding her arms, wondering what else she could have expected. Deniability, it was the best thing to do when the individual was guilty. Deny, deny, deny. "Are you really going to make me accuse you?"

"I'd rather you didn't, especially when I had nothing to do with it."

"So the fact that it went missing the day I told you what I did, that's just a coincidence?"

"I suppose it is... Hanna, the police haven't come knocking with a warrant. The only person who suspects that drive is in this house, is you." Hanna sighed, "Just tell me where it is and I'll get rid of it."

She couldn't mention the fact she had gotten a text earlier with the person she thought was Sara Harvey demanding to get the back up tape for themselves. She had no idea what she thought would happen if she didn't get it to them, but she wasn't sure she could risk finding out. She was a mother, he was meant to come first and putting him in danger was out of the question, even if it meant giving Sara something she had wanted to keep hidden. "Hanna, the drive is gone."

"Gone? Did you...?"

Ashley rolled her eyes at the young woman, grabbing her bag from the side as she got ready to leave, "Just be grateful your mistake has been erased. Don't think about this, you have better things to worry about – like Henry, for example."

"Fine. I won't bring it up again." With a shrug of her shoulders, she kissed her mother on the cheek before she grabbed her own bag and walked out of the house, with absolutely no intention of actually leaving. It only took a moment to walk around the house, waiting for the sound of the car engine to start before she opened up the back door and stepped back into the kitchen she had been in moments before, determined to find the drive and give it to the person who seemingly had no intention of involving the Police in whatever the hell they had planned. Hanna wasn't sure she wanted to find out, and the only way of doing so was by giving them what they wanted.

Even with help from Aria, Hanna still found her hands empty as she turned up at Spencer's barn, biting down on her lip before she knocked the door gently. Caleb was the only option she had left, or she would have found herself exhausting every other option, but she had no idea what else she was meant to do. Luckily, Spencer had already gotten him involved in everything, so he understood when she had sent him a text explaining she needed his help.

When he opened the door, she gave him a small smile, "Thanks for this," Was all she said as he invited her inside and pointed towards his laptop. She could see a large drive that she supposed was meant for her, and she moved to sit down on the couch, flinching when he sat down next to her. "I promise this will pass for the real drive." Caleb said, pulling it out of the laptop, handing it to the blonde before she pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to the unknown number to let them know that she had the drive.

"I'm glad you came to me," His hand moved to hers, and Hanna had to force herself to keep her hand where it was, "You know you can always come to me." She wondered if that was true, if he actually meant those words or if he was just saying them because it was the nice thing to say. He was so lovely, so kind, but Hanna wondered if any of those personality traits meant anything when their relationship had been destroyed a few years prior. Instead of voicing her concerns, she just nodded, "Yeah, I know."

She looked down when her phone pinged, notifying her of a message on where to drop the drive, and she did her best not to focus on the word alley too much. Her chest hurt, her stomach churned and her face paled; she hadn't stepped foot in a single alleyway since that night, just the thought was enough to bring on a horrific panic attack which she was luckily distracted from by Spencer walking into the Barn, halfway through a sentence before she realised that Caleb was not alone.

Caleb's eyes looked down at Hanna's phone, taking in the text before he looked up at the other woman in the room and pulled his hand from the blonde's, so not to hurt her. "I was just leaving, sorry.." Hanna said awkwardly, as she stood up and tucked the drive into her bag along with her phone, confused when Caleb stood up as well, apologising to Spencer as he walked towards the door.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Hanna asked, following behind him, not missing the small smile Spencer gave her as the woman moved to sit down on the couch the other two had just vacated. "You think I'm going to let you go to a strange alley on your own to drop off a drive to someone who may or may not be out to hurt you?" He scoffed and gently placed a hand on her lower back to push her out of the door, rolling his eyes playfully, "And they say chivalry is dead."

The drive there was silent, Hanna didn't know what to say as she held her bag close to her chest, wondering if he had wrapped his head around the words she had spoken to him the other night. He hadn't mentioned it, but he somehow wasn't looking at her with as much hatred as he had been before. He was offering to keep her safe, protecting her when Hanna felt completely and utterly vulnerable at just the thought of walking towards that trash can to make a drop that should have been simple and easy.

Once they had gotten there, Hanna paused, staring down at where she was meant to be, her breathing heavy and quick, not able to take her eyes from the brown trash can she could just about see. It was meant to be easy, just a few steps and she could have it in there and be out of there before she even could contemplate what had happened the last time she had found herself in an alley. She felt sick at the thought, and Caleb's comforting hand on her shoulder only served to make that uncomfortable feeling increase.

Caleb had no idea what was going on, he had been thinking about what Hanna had said to him before, but he had no idea what conclusion he was meant to draw from those words. Or rather, he didn't want to think of the worst case scenarios that had haunted his sleep that night. Her reaction was enough to fill him with terrified concern, before he took her bag from her and searched through it for the drive, "I'll do it," He told her, giving her a small smile and a shrug, before he stepped past the imaginary line Hanna had drawn in her head, the line she wasn't able to cross as though somehow, danger lurked in the non-existent shadows.

When he came back, she wiped at the tears that had fallen whilst he was gone, her breathing still heavy but eventually, calming down as she looked at him. They moved back towards the car, and Hanna sent a quick text to Aria to let her know that the deed had been done, before she heard Caleb take a deep breath. He was thinking, about to say something and her thoughts were confirmed when he turned to her, "What you said the other night..." He trailed off and gulped, "I've been thinking and thinking, I mean it's all I have been able to think about since you said it. I need you to tell me what happened, Hanna..."

Her grip tightened on her phone, refusing to meet his eyes before she nodded her head, "Not here." She whispered, "Spencer will be with Aria by now, we can go back to the barn?" He nodded his head in agreement, and started the engine, driving in silence as Hanna ran through the words in her head. She repeated them over and over, trying to convince herself that the three words were easy to say – _I was raped –_ it was just three words but somehow seemed increasingly daunting with each passing second.

By the time they got to their intended destination, her palms were sweating, the walls seemed to be closing in on her when she walked into the empty place Caleb and Spencer were staying in during their time in Rosewood. "I was raped," She blurted it out, as she had done with Spencer, but with intention this time. She had repeated those words so many times but always in her head, and now they were out there and Caleb gave a small nod of her head. She could see the tears in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall as he took in those words – she knew that he already knew that, but hadn't been willing to admit them to himself. She had barely been able to accept that it had happened to her for such a long time, she could see he was struggling to come to terms with the fact he had walked out on her after something so horrific had happened.

"I..." He was lost for words, he hated himself more than he ever had before, but he couldn't focus on how he felt about it right then. Not when Hanna was standing in front of him, on the verge of tears, waiting for him to say something about the words she had just spoken. "I'm so sorry, Hanna... I'm so, so sorry." He sighed and moved closer to her, leaning down to press his lips to her forehead, running his fingers through her hair as she let out a gentle sob, "Why didn't you tell me? You should have told me, everything could have been so different... we could have worked it all out and you wouldn't have been alone, Han..."

Hanna flinched, stepping back as she shook her head; suddenly, an unknown bitter resentment, and anger reared it's ugly head as she stared at the man in front of her, wiping at the tears that had previously fallen, "What? Different? You think I could just be fixed by your love? No, fuck you, Caleb! You can't just find out about this and wonder why the fuck I didn't tell you, what the hell would you have done? Brought Henry up as your own and tried to convince me that moving on from the fact some guy pulled me into an alley and ruined everything good in my life, is easy?!" She took another step back, her head shaking vigorously, "No, no, I've been... for the past few years, I've been so concerned with you forgiving me. I've gone over this conversation in my head although I never thought it would actually happen and I was wondering if you would ever forgive me but what if I don't forgive you? I've blamed myself since it happened, I hated myself for letting you leave without knowing the truth. I should have told you, I'm not pretending otherwise, but you're not blameless."

Caleb let her speak, because he could see the distress on her face, the tears in her eyes, the way her chest rose in sharp, uneven breaths, he didn't say a single word as he forced out every word that fell from her lips. "You just assumed, Caleb..." The anger was dying down and all that he could see in front of him was a terrified person who had been through so much on her own, because of him. "You just assumed that I had cheated on you, there was no other explanation other than the fact I jumped into bed with some other guy despite the fact, in the six years we have known each other, I never gave you one reason to ever think I was that kind of person. I loved you, I loved you so much and I still do because I'm an idiot who thought that if you ever found out, then it would all magically be okay! But it's not, I didn't know that it's not okay until right now... I thought, I thought you would find out and you would forgive me and I would fall into your arms and I would finally be safe but it's not okay..."

The blonde gulped, looking down as the tears began to fall again, "You didn't think any better of me than to think I would cheat on you. You finally forgive me?" He could only give a small nod of his head, one he immediately regretted when she shook her head and moved to walk past him, "I don't forgive you."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, always greatly appreciated!**

 **This chapter is a little shorter than previous because I just wanted to add in the canon bits of the episode, and I wanted to add a little more Henry before we get to the further drama. To Fraryobsessed29b; there will be a scene where Hanna tells Ashley the truth in a few more chapters!**

" _There is no love without forgiveness, and no forgiveness without love." - Bryant H McGill_

Caleb had found himself just staring at the door that Hanna had walked out of, even hours later. When he thought about what she had said to him, the way she had looked at him, it only made him feel sicker. She had once been his everything, and he had let her down in the worst way possible. Sure, he didn't know, but the more he looked back on it, the more he realised how wrong he had been. He was so focused, he didn't see the door open, or hear Spencer's voice until she was right in front of him, "Wait, you what?" He shook his head, and wiped his eyes, looking at Spencer in confusion.

"A hole, in the wall in Sara's closest, in her room in the Radley. That's how she's been coming and going all this time without walking in front of those pesky cameras." Caleb just gave a small nod of his head, not having the energy to pretend as though he cared about anything other than what Hanna had said to him that day.

"She told you." He had no idea how he felt when the woman spoke again; betrayal? How did Spencer know, how long had she known for, why the hell didn't she tell him? But even his anger had dissipated and all he had left was a broken man who had no idea what he was meant to be doing. He didn't say anything, so Spencer continued, "I only just found out, I'm glad she told you – have you worked everything out?"

At that, he let out a bitter laugh as the tears began to fall again, "No, it was never going to be that easy, Spence. She hates me, I don't think she even realised that she hated me until I was stood in front of her, telling her that everything could have been different if she had told me when it happened. You should have seen the look on her face... I regretted the words the moment they came out but I couldn't take them back." He sighed, moving to grab his discarded beer from the side before he walked over to the couch, "I did love her, you know? I still do, but I mean, back then, I loved her so much and I still just assumed the only explanation was her cheating on me. I didn't... I didn't see what was right in front of me."

When Spencer sat next to him, he didn't look at her, choosing to focus on the ground as he held the beer close, "We all made mistakes back then, Caleb – she should have told you, you shouldn't have assumed, me, Aria and Emily should have seen something was wrong beyond motherhood... there is so much we could have done better but hindsight is a wonderful thing."

"Don't try and make excuses for me," He mumbled, "I saw that test and I just... I saw her jumping into bed with some guy from work and that was it. I didn't even give her a chance to explain, I just screamed at her and watched as she sobbed. I told her she wasn't the victim, but-" His voice broke, and Spencer took the bottle of beer from him as his head dropped to his hands and he let out a sob. "I should have known better, I've lost her for good, Spence... I should have known better."

Hanna held Henry on her lap as she gently bounced him, kissing his head as he laughed at the television in front of him. "I was really looking forward to it," Emily whispered, despite the fact they were alone in the apartment, "I'm sorry, Em, I know you weren't going to keep them anyway but I'm still sorry."

Hanna frowned, and looked down at the toddler in her arms, knowing that whoever this new torturer was had taken away this feeling for another couple. Sure, they would find someone else to donate eggs and maybe they wouldn't have worked, anyway, but each one could have been the potential for a new life and now it was gone. "I just keep thinking about all those other women and couples. You know... someone would do that just to steal my eggs."

With a small sigh, Hanna looked at her best friend, "Why don't you stay here until we leave Rosewood? I know you mostly stay here anyway but, maybe you should just bring all your stuff here for now. You have enough to deal with without having to keep up the shields with your mother." She felt relieved when her best friend agreed, because the thought of being alone in the huge apartment with someone out to get them was terrifying. She pretty much spent every single night there anyway, so making it official was only something that would make the two of them feel better and somehow, not so alone. Spencer had Caleb living with her, Aria was with her parents, and now Emily and Hanna had each other.

There was a moment's pause as Emily took an excited Henry's hand when he looked at her, a huge grin on his face before he pointed to the television, the cartoon characters doing some silly dance that he always loved so much. Hanna could feel his legs kicking against her own and he waved Emily's hand as he gripped onto her, "Why do we come back here, why can't we just stay away? What the hell does this creep want from us?" Her nose scrunched up, her face buried in her son's hair as she closed her eyes. He was there and he was safe but she had no idea how much longer that could last – how long did he have to be in Rosewood before he became tainted by the entire town?

"They want us to lead them to Charlotte's killer."

"Why us?" Emily had to think about that for a moment, looking away from an excitable Henry towards his mother, "Because we wanted Charlotte dead. I mean, think about it, all the people that could have killed Charlotte, they might have done it because they thought that's what we wanted." Hanna knew the other woman was right, it was the logical explanation but it didn't make it hurt any less that she was stuck in a place that seemed to be sucking her back in with each given second. "What kind of nut would think that?"

"The kind that would hold my eggs for ransom and destroy a freezer full of potential babies just to get them." There was Emily's logic once again, causing Hanna to roll her eyes before she lifted Henry to sit between them on the couch, "Okay, no more Charlotte or text talk for a little while, let's just keep his ears innocent for as long as we can." Her hands moved to take Henry's, helping him clap as she quietly sang along to the song on the show he loved so much, causing his bright blue eyes to light up as he giggled and stared up at his mother to watch her.

It was later that night, with Emily at her mom's house packing and Hanna about to put Henry to bed, that she heard the knock on the door. The last person she had expected to see was Caleb, but there he was, a sheepish look on his face before he asked to come in, biting down nervously on his lip when she opened the door a little more so he could follow her inside Lucas' apartment. She may have hated what he had done, and maybe she would never forgive him, but it didn't mean she never wanted to see or talk to him again. Whatever part of her hated him, there was another part that still loved him no matter how much she tried to deny it.

Henry had been sitting quietly with his bottle, watching Finding Nemo, his eyes instead focused on the stranger that had just walked through the door before he pulled his bottle from his mouth and pointed at the television. "Oh, cool, my favourite movie!" Caleb exclaimed, moving to sit down next to the toddler, quickly glancing at Hanna to make sure it was okay, and only when she nodded did he move to sit down. He couldn't believe how much Henry looked like Hanna, relieved he didn't have to look at the baby and wonder which of his features he shared with his low life father. He had promised Spencer he would stop feeling sorry for himself though, and try to fix things with Hanna, whether that took a few weeks, a few months or a few years – and that meant getting over uncomfortable feeling he had when he was around her son, or anyone even mentioned the fact Hanna had a child.

"Nemo!" Henry called out, as Hanna moved to sit next to him, her eyes on Caleb as he nodded his head and then pointed at the fish on Henry's Pyjamas; she could sense it was still a little awkward but he was trying, and she couldn't ask for much more. Henry clapped his hands to his chest and looked down, "Nemo!" He called again, looking at his mom as she nodded her head, "Yes, you have Nemo on your top, don't you? And your bedroom back home, why don't you show Caleb your cuddly Nemo?" She handed the orange fish plush to him and he practically threw it at Caleb in all his excitement, repeating the word again before he let out a giggle.

"It's one of the very few words he knows – along with mommy, banana and milk." She laughed a little as Caleb nodded her head and took the plush in his hands, "This is awesome," Hanna picked up the bottle and handed it back to the young child, brushing his hair from his face as his eyes sleepily focused on the screen in front of him and her attention could focus on Caleb.

"I poked the bear and the bear stole Emily's eggs." She finally said, with a small sigh; she hadn't told Emily that she mostly blamed herself for what had happened because it wasn't what her friend had needed to hear at the time. But she and Caleb had done something to wind up this new person and they retaliated. "We poked the bear together."

Caleb's attention on Hanna was distracted, his eyes falling to check on the little boy every few seconds as he bit down on his lip and wondered what could have been. One of those words he was able to say could have been daddy, and instead, he had ripped himself from the little boys life before he had even been born. He wasn't biologically his, but he was Hanna's and that would have been enough for him to fall in love with him, raise him as his own without even thinking twice about it. Maybe they could have been happy, or happier, maybe Hanna would have had more time to deal with what had happened to her had she had the help she needed.

"So it is our fault..." The blonde frowned, lifting the bottle when Henry let his hand drop and the bottle would have fallen from his lips had his mouth not been tightly closed on it. He carried on drinking as she looked at Caleb, who just shook his head, "What happened to Emily? No, bullies don't need an excuse, they're just bullies. I bet that A was planning this as soon as they found out what Emily was up to."

There was that letter – it meant nothing to so many people but whenever Hanna heard it, her entire world seemed to momentarily freeze. Her chest would tighten, her palms would grow clammy and she would be reminded of the hell she had been put through by the person who they had only known as 'A' for too long. "You said A," Her voice was low, almost afraid to speak of that person in front of her son although he barely understood anything she said at the moment.

"I mean, what do you want me to call it, Waldo?" Conversation seemed so natural between them, but at the same time, there was an internal struggle between the two of them. They had so many memories that they shared, all the good and the bad and he was the only person in the world who truly knew everything that Hanna felt. But at the same time, he had left her, he had hurt her in more ways than she could possibly describe and Hanna wanted nothing more than to be able to push those feelings to one side and focus on getting rid of this new person before she left Rosewood behind for good, but it was just impossible. Even as she looked at him, all she could see was the same person who had stormed out of their apartment and spent a few months living it up around Europe whilst she sobbed herself to sleep every single night and wondered why the hell she couldn't have just died that night in the alley.

She gulped back the tears, refusing to cry in front of either male, "N-no, it's just, it's not A. It's not the same person." She mumbled, knowing her aversion to the letter would make no sense to anyone who didn't know the history of what Charlotte had put them through. She could see a flash of regret in his eyes before he tried to explain himself, "It's just a letter, a symbol. You know,it's like an algebra problem, solve this equation for A." Hanna just gave a small nod of her head – A was just a letter, but that one letter had meant so much pain and anguish.

"It's not the same person but they want the same thing. They want to make you miserable but this time, you are smarter and you are stronger and you know that you can bat this because you've already done it." She had to get through so much more than he had ever wanted her to; he had hoped that leaving Rosewood, their lives would be perfect. They had the usual relationship struggles but nothing in comparison to the pain he had once seen her go through. Only, the pain she had been through the second time around, he hadn't been there to witness it, to hold her when she cried, to comfort her when she woke up screaming from nightmares or to hold her hand as she watched the baby of her rapist grow. He had walked out, and that was going to be something that would haunt him for the rest of his life, and probably, he thought, as he looked at her, the rest of her life as well.

Hanna could only give him a small, sad smile before she stood up and lifted Henry with her, "I should put him to bed, he needs as much sleep as he can get or he gets all grumpy." _Like his mom,_ Caleb wanted to say, but he held it back – he had no idea when they would be able to tease or joke with each other, if they ever could but he knew that they weren't where he wanted them to be. Not yet. "Yeah, no problem, I'll head off but I'll see you tomorrow, we can talk or not, whatever you want to do but I'll be here tomorrow." And the next day, and the day after that, he'd keep going back as long as she would have him so he could chip away at the wall she had built around herself.

As he walked towards the door, he took a deep breath, turning back to face the woman as she watched him leave, "I know you don't forgive me, and I don't deserve your forgiveness either but I will do anything I can from now on to protect you and Henry. You don't have to like me, or ever forgive me for what I did to you but... I'm going to make sure nothing happens to you again, Hanna. Either of you." And with that, he turned around and walked out of the door, hoping that he was starting to make Hanna realise that, despite the fact he had left two years ago, it wasn't going to happen again.

Hanna had to beg Ashley just to watch a sleeping Henry for an hour whilst she did something later that night, and it was how she had found herself walking through a darkened hallway in the depths of the hotel her mother managed. She rolled her eyes when Aria reminded her, once again, that they should have waited for Spencer, she gave the woman a pointed look and shook her head, "No, we have to get there before Sarah has a chance to take Emily's eggs out of the mini-bar."

"I don't think she shoved them in there with the seven dollar orange juice." Hanna just ignored her, slowly making her way down the long hallway, her hands touching the brick as she tried to remind herself that she was going to be okay. No one could get them down there, and she was with someone else, nothing could hurt her considering barely anyone knew of that place. "God, my mom thought she had gotten rid of all the Radley ghosts. Wait until she finds out about this, she'll be down here with a jack hammer."

She stopped when she heard a noise, her eyes widening as her hand unintentionally moved to grab Aria's arm a little too tight. "What was that? Was that Sara?" Aria's voice was panicked, and Hanna almost felt relieved that someone was as terrified as she was right then. "I guess we'll have to find out," She mumbled, blindly opening a door from where the noise had come from, grabbing the person before she could let the instinct to run away as far away as she possibly could completely take over.

She only stopped when she realised exactly who it was, stumbling back as she let go of her best friend and frowned in confusion. She had been ready to attack Sara Harvey or someone else, and was met with a panicked Emily instead.

Just ten minutes later, she found herself back in safety; the bright lights of the hotel, and the crowds of people calming her down. Talking to the desk clerk had only taken a minute but she had needed more to herself. Her fingers clasped around the edge of the sink, her hands shaking and her chest tight as she muttered to herself, "You're okay, you're going to be okay. You're safe, you're safe..." She repeated the words until it worked, finally looking up at her reflection, almost letting out a bitter laugh at the person she had become – her face was pale, her cheekbones protruded, the bags under her eyes seemed to get worse each time she dared to look at herself, and her hair fell limp over her shoulders. She was just a shadow of the person she had once been and it only served to anger her more – someone should have noticed, she shouldn't have had to blurt it out.

Quickly, splashing a little water on her face, she forced a smile and walked out of there, back towards the two friends waiting for her, "The desk clerk said no one has seen Sara Harvey since she left the hotel last night."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know, probably in some other hole somewhere..." She glanced at Emily when she sat down, giving her a small smile, "Sorry about grabbing your boob, Em."

"Don't worry about it... I just have to face it, one way or another, my eggs are gone."

"Look Emily, you have the money. Use it, finish school, that's what you wanted. That's why you put yourself through this." She hated seeing the devastation on her best friends face, she only wished she could do something, anything to make it better but she knew she was helpless. She and Caleb had poked the bear and this was how the bear had decided to retaliate.

"Hanna's right, what happened was terrible but you are not responsible." Aria rested her hand on top of Emily's, doing her best to support her, as Hanna leaned over the table as well to take her other hand, "Bullies don't need an excuse." She repeated Caleb's earlier words to her, listening to the two of them discuss Emily's challenging relationships before she let out a small laugh.

"Look, you're going to have babies, you will have kids," She looked at Aria as well, "Spencer will have kids and I have Henry. We're all going to have beautiful babies and you're all going to give Henry cousins to play with."

"More visualisations?"

"Absolutely. Just wait until you see what I have planned for our play dates." She winked, with a smirk before she let go of Emily's hand and stood up, "Speaking of, I have to get Henry, I promised my mom I would be an hour at the most and I've been about two..." With a quick hug for both of her best friends, she scurried off, just wanting to see and hold her son. Sara Harvey, whoever their new A was, whoever had murdered Charlotte, it was all too terrifying, and all Hanna wanted and needed right then was to cuddle with the eighteen month old who brought her so much happiness.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Apologies for the wait – but here it is! Please don't forget to leave a review/an idea/a thought, as each one is just a little more added motivation to write this story up! Each one makes me happy and each are so greatly appreciated! I hope you guys love this chapter as much as I loved writing it.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing other than the basic plot of this story, the characters and much of the words written belong to Pretty Little Liars and their amazing script writers.**

" _Like a small boat on the ocean, sending big waves into motion. Like how a single word can make a heart open... I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion. This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I'm alright song. My powers turned up, starting right now I'll be strong.. I'll play my fight song and I don't really care if nobody else believes 'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." - Rachel Platten_

After everything that had happened, standing in front of Ella was a welcome break. Despite everything she had been through and everything she had subsequently denied herself, fashion was still a passion she held back because she wasn't ready to put herself out there just yet. Sometimes, she managed to convince herself that she much preferred writing about fashion as opposed to designing. When Aria's mother had approached her the day before, Hanna had been hesitant, informing the woman that she didn't really do stuff like that anymore but somehow, she was convinced just to do this as a one off. Ella needed help choosing the perfect dress and Hanna was happy for something else to focus on.

She managed to call in a few favours, and that was how she found herself holding up a gorgeous black and silver, elegant dress that would be perfect for the woman's second wedding. "It's gorgeous," The brunette said, as she observed the designer dress that Hanna had chosen for her.

Hanna felt a sore of pride as she smiled, turning quickly to gesture towards a box she had brought with her, "And I got a simple veil to go with it. Nothing too insane but it's something to add mystery..." Her words were rushed, half filled with excitement but also nerves. It had been so long since she had done any sort of choosing an outfit for anyone other than her so, she didn't want to let the older woman down, not when it was such an important day. "The mystery is how I'm going to walk in it... I may need to borrow Emily's legs."

Hanna looked at the dress and bit down on her lip, immediately feeling a sense of failure before she cleared her throat and tried to think of a solution, "Well, I can hem it... it'll look amazing, I promise... please just try it on?" Ella seemed to sense the young blonde's worry and took the dress from her with a smile, "Oh, what about the veil?" Hanna turned to grab the box but Ella just shook her head and let out a small laugh,

"Oh no, I don't want anything to detract from the dress. You did good. Your work here is done."

The sadness that rushed over her was what caused her to step forward, almost fearful that she would have to go back to being consumed by nothing other than the terror that ran through her every single day. "What about the tables? You want them to compliment the dress, right? Can I please do the tables?" She bit down on her lip, looking up in hope as Aria's mother nodded her head and smiled kindly; she was friends with Ashley, she had been prompted by the older Marin to enlist Hanna in the hopes it would allow them all a glimpse into the fashion addict she had once been. "Of course," Was all she said before she took one last look at the blonde before she walked towards the bathroom to see if the dress would look as beautiful on her as it did on the hanger.

For a moment, Hanna focused on fussing around, clearing up the mess they had left behind before the door opened and she was met with her best friend, "Hey," Aria grinned when she saw the other woman, laughing when Hanna told her to leave before the bride came back, "I'm not the groom, Hanna, I'm the Minister or the Officiator... whatever."

"Well, I'm styling it so I guess we'll both be working the party." Aria didn't say anything, glad to see the light of passion in Hanna's eyes as she spoke, going through everything she would need to sort out for the wedding that would be happening in such a short period of time. She just let her best friend talk because finally, after two years, she was talking about a subject she had once never stopped talking about.

Just an hour later, Hanna shot Emily a grin as she walked into the apartment, "Hey, how did it go?" She asked, not able to stop her own smile when Hanna nodded her head, "Excellent, I'm now gainfully employed. Well, at least until tomorrow night." The blonde moved towards her son who had been happily playing on the floor, his arms lifting up the moment he laid his ocean blue eyes on his mother who was happy to lift him and press a bunch of kisses to his face.

"I'm starved, do you want to order in?" She asked Emily, gently stroking Henry's hair as he placed his tiny hands on her cheek and stared at her in the same adoring way he always did. It made her heart flutter every single time, to know that there was one person in the world who loved her more than anything. Men could come and go, so could best friends but Henry would always be her son and if she protected him in the way she longed to, then he would always look at her in the way that almost brought tears to her eyes every time.

"I'm actually going to a lecture with a guy from my Psych class... trying to earn brownie points with the new professor."

"Wow, congratulations, at least one of us will have a degree that matters." Her tone was only slightly bitter as she walked towards the kitchen; she knew it wasn't true – her degree did matter, at least it had done but she didn't really do anything with it. But that was out of choice, she supposed; her choice had been to live in isolation in a city that terrified her.

"I enrolled, Hanna, it's not like it was four years ago when the only thing I had to worry about in Freshman year was catching something from the communal shower curtain." Hanna scrunched up her nose in disgust, luckily she had never experienced the communal showering part of college as her and Caleb had gotten a tiny studio apartment together close enough to college for her not to worry about the same things her friends had to. "Emily, you're not going to have-"

"Yes I am, Hanna, how am I meant to take notes when the voice in my head is telling me that Sara Harvey is torturing you for something Melissa may have done?" Her nose scrunched up in confusion, not sure where Melissa's name had come into anything, because it had never even been mentioned, at least not to her.

"Wait, Melissa Hastings?" She frowned as Emily explained to her that Melissa may have actually been in Rosewood the night Charlotte was murdered and not London as Hanna had thought she would be. Before she could over-think it too much, she stared down at Emily's ringing phone, "Um, who's Damian?" It wasn't a name she heard her best friend mention before, and it was a welcome distraction from the memory that came to mind the moment she heard Spencer's sisters name.

Emily quickly explained to her before Hanna remembered something, "Oh, you got a parcel from them, by the way." She gestured towards the table where she had left it earlier that day, surprised her friend hadn't noticed it when she first walked into the apartment. Henry could be a handful sometimes, she reasoned with herself as she followed Emily towards the parcel, raising her eyebrow at the clear panic and confusion on her face. "What to name your baby?" She repeated the title of the book Emily had silently handed her, "What class is that?"

Emily only shook her head and held up the note that came with it, _you need to start talking before our baby does._

Emily was shaken, but determined to get her fresh start that she so obviously craved, so Hanna walked her out of the apartment, on a mission of her own. It was starting to get worse; and she had no idea how they were ever going to get the new A off their backs if they didn't have the information he or she wanted. Her grip tightened on Henry's push chair, _our baby_ was what the note had said which meant it could only be a man if she was reading between the lines. Perhaps she was just letting her imagination run wild, she had a tendency to do that since the first text message they had gotten when they were fifteen years old. With a sigh, she glanced down at her phone, annoyed when she couldn't see that Spencer had read her multiple messages to her which meant she had to find her. She had to explain everything to her, because they may have a new murder suspect and if that's what the new A wanted, then at least they had the information to hand.

Although she knew nothing was going on with her best friend and her ex-boyfriend, there was still a surge of pain when she saw them together because she knew that there could have been something there. If she had just let Spencer make her move and kept her mouth shut, she would be staring at a full blown couple. Instead, she was looking over at two people who seemed to be intently watching something on Spencer's laptop, their shoulders brushed together, their eyes focused completely on the screen. They hadn't even seen Hanna coming, pushing Henry towards the two the moment she had gotten into the coffee shop she had suspected Spencer would be. "Hey, uh... did you get my messages?"

"No, I'm so sorry, I just turned my phone off so I could watch. Are you okay?" Spencer stared at the blonde, searching for any signs of initial distress as Hanna moved to sit down, lifting Henry up to sit on her lap as he happily gurgled to himself, blissfully unaware of everything that surrounded him. "I think Melissa could have done it." Her voice was rushed, as though she was scared to say those words out loud in case Spencer hated her for them, "I saw her years ago in London..." At their silence, she knew she had to go on, biting down on her lip before she explained everything to them, hoping they would see where she was coming from as she spoke.

" _Okay, where are you? You will never guess who just talked to me... okay, so I was in line at the bar and some stranger compliments my shoes and I turn around and it's Claudia freaking Greco, Caleb and don't pretend like you don't know who she is." Hanna spoke in a rushed, excited tone down her phone, setting her bag in front of her on the sink as she looked at her reflection, "I gotta go." She mumbled when she saw a familiar face walking behind her, quickly hanging up the phone on her boyfriend before she turned around._

" _Melissa?"_

" _Hello, Hanna." She looked awful, if the blonde was honest with herself – she thought the older Hastings sister was exceptionally beautiful but right then, she was drunk and mascara ran down her face as though she had been crying for hours. "What are you doing here?" She asked, confused, although she had known Melissa had been in London, she had just assumed the city was a big enough place they wouldn't run into each other._

" _I live here. Well, not in this bathroom but nearby."_

" _No, I mean this event. Fashion Week. Did you change careers?"_

" _I came with a friend who ditched me because I've spent the night sobbing into my phone." She looked down at an almost empty glass on the sink, the same one she had just placed down, "Is this drink yours or mine?" Hanna almost rolled her eyes as she told the woman it was hers, before she bit down on her lip, "How's Wren?"_

" _He's gone. He left me. That scheming nut job who made your life a living hell has now moved on to mess with mine." Hanna froze, trying not to let it show that she was clearly affected at just the thought of the DiLaurentis who had tortured her for so long. "Charlotte?" She whispered her name, as though somehow saying it would make her appear._

" _Who the hell gave that twisted sister phone privileges? I mean how does someone with her resume get put under penthouse arrest?" Melissa ignored her question but it was obvious who she was talking about, and Hanna just shrugged her shoulders, "I try not to think about her. You know, forgive and forget." That was a lie but she was pulling it off well, or at least she thought she was. When Melissa spoke again, Hanna just shook it off, "Wait, did she call you?"_

" _No, she called Wren and clearly she shared information with him because he's been looking at me for the past week like I should be the one locked up." Hanna's face paled and her eyes widened – Charlotte had phone privileges and she was sharing information that had otherwise been kept secret. What was she planning for them next? Or was it just Melissa on her hit list this time? What the hell else could she put them through in a hospital? "... aren't you curious what she plans to use against you? Here..." She grabbed Hanna's phone with a smirk, drunkenly stumbling as she typed a number in, "Why don't we call her and find out?"_

" _Melissa, stop!" But there was no stopping the woman on the mission, Hanna was best friends with a Hastings and she knew there was no way she was going to get the phone from Melissa if that was what she was truly determined to do. "Melissa, give me my phone."_

 _The woman just shook her head, before she spoke into the phone, "Hi, this is Alison DiLaurentis, can I speak to my sister, Charlotte?"_

" _Give me the phone!" Hanna was starting to get desperate, she was starting to panic, her palms were sweaty and her body shook. It was true fear when she thought about Charlotte – everything that had happened had barely been two years ago. She was meant to be enjoying a college trip, she was meant to be happily moved on but instead, she was faced with her past all over again and she hated every second of it. "Well, wake her up! She has her whole life to nap. Tell her Hanna wants to say hello."_

 _Hanna reached out her hand, the tears threatening to fall, "Stop..." She managed to get out, but was once again ignored, "No, I don't want to speak to her doctor. I want to speak to my bloody sister, put Charlotte on." The fear became too much and Hanna felt victory when she grabbed the phone from the woman, throwing it against the nearest mirror in a sudden, blind moment of panic, "I don't want to hear her voice!"_

 _Melissa only smirked, as she walked back to the sink, "Well, you have a funny way of forgiving, Hanna."_

When the story was over, Hanna looked at Caleb who just raised his brow, "Why didn't you tell me about this when you came home from that trip?" She couldn't answer, instead, her eyes looked down and she held onto her son a little tighter, pressing her lips to his forehead. Luckily, Spencer spoke for her, because she understood more than anyone else, "She didn't want another person telling her she wasn't over it."

"Well, neither was your sister so can you at least find out if Melissa called that night from the diner? Thanks..." She was in a rush to get back up, although Caleb clearly had so much more to say that he was managing to hold back because of the tiny boy she held in her arms as she stood up and placed him back in his push chair. "Oh, um, what was the name of that sneaky blogger dude from Hollis? The one that freaked out you and Melissa?"

When Spencer said his name, her suspicions were confirmed and she just gave her a tight smile before she bid goodbye to the two of them and pulled out her phone the moment she was out of The Brew, warning Emily about the person she was currently spending time with.

She was glad for the break the next day, on her knees as she worked on Ella's dress who stood there patiently waiting for the blonde to be done. The wedding was only small but Hanna was determined that the details were going to be perfect, and that started with the wedding dress. "Have you eaten today?" She finally asked, smiling as Ella just laughed, "I can't even remember what day it is."

"It's your wedding day... you can't be nervous, you've married Byron before."

"True, it makes no logical sense but when he walked into the room it's like I'm nineteen again." Hanna smiled a little, her own thoughts focused on Caleb and how she longed to be standing in a wedding dress, about to walk down the aisle towards him. That was nineteen year old her though, and twenty-three year old Hanna knew that life was too complicated and too painful for that to ever happen. "Well, I think it's fate... people who are meant to be together take a break and then find their way back to their first love." At least, she hoped – she had no idea how much longer their break would be or even if they would ever get back together but if it was meant to happen, then it would. She'd get the family she always wanted with the only person she had loved. She just smiled as Ella told her story of her true first love, her heart hurting when Ella told her what had happened to him, "... we graduated and we grew up." Maybe that was all it was, she and Caleb had grown up and grown apart and she would never find her way back to her first love.

It was late at night when Hanna felt her stress levels rising once again, the wedding was over and Henry had looked so handsome in his tiny suit. He had not long passed out since they had gotten home and she was mulling around, busying herself as she tried to find something to do that would occupy her mind as she waited for Emily.

She didn't have to wait long, as the woman she had been waiting for quickly walked into the apartment, not hesitating as she shut the door behind her and moved over to the couch with a panicked expression on her face. She threw something down on the table and Hanna crinkled her nose in confusion as she walked over to her, "What happened? Was it that?"

"What's left of my phone." Emily was shaking as Hanna sat next to her, and her concern rose, "Emily, where did you go? Did you go back to the tunnel? Did your car break down?" Those were the two best options she could think of right then as a million worst case scenarios ran through her head on everything her best friend could have been through. There was a shake of her head and Hanna felt her heart drop, "I could barely make it to my car and when I did, I was shaking so bad I could barely drive."

"W-were you attacked? Did Sara Harvey come after you?"

"I was but it wasn't her." That confused her more, Emily had been one hundred percent certain that it was the suspicious blonde and nobody else but now she seemed to think there was someone else. "Then who?" She managed to get out, not sure if she wanted to know the answer as her hand gripped onto Emily's and she waited.

"I don't know. Sara Harvey wants this murder solved... whoever this was, they wanna cover it up." Hanna gulped, the murderer had finally come to light and they would do anything to cover up their crime. Could it be Melissa Hastings? "How do you know that?" Emily explained her reasoning and Hanna knew she was right in her thinking, no one else would have been invested in that weapon other than the person who had used it.

"So what are you saying? There's now more than one person after us?" She could feel the fear already – she had so many demons already, she wasn't sure if she was able to cope with another two. She had Charlotte constantly haunting her, along with the unknown man who had ruined what happiness she had left and now two people who were determined to solve the crime that the other wanted to keep hidden. And both of them were after them, the very four people who knew nothing.

"Oh, there's definitely two."

Somehow, as though things couldn't get any worse, the next day, they did. Spencer held up the photograph of Alison in a hospital bed on her phone and Hanna gulped as she just stared at the other blonde on the screen. They were dropping like flies it seemed, and she had no idea if this time, it was done on purpose or if it had truly been an accident. Maybe after everything that had happened, the four of them truly didn't believe in accidents. "Well, the odds aren't going to get any better the closer we get to election night." A had given them three days to work out who the murderer was but it seemed as though he or she, or it (or bitch, she supposed) was determined to make them drop before that.

Henry was spending the day with his grandmother, so Hanna was confident in the knowledge that he would be safe. Really, the further away from her he was, the safer she knew he would be because she was the one with the target on her back. "Ali's hospital is an hour away, I think I'm going to go check up on her." She informed the others; she wasn't going to settle the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach until she laid eyes on Alison herself. She needed to see she was okay in order to believe it and a photograph or a text wasn't going to settle that fear right then. Two people were after them and she was in just as much danger as they were because this time, neither of the stalkers were her sister.

"She said she'll be back tomorrow." Aria spoke, unsure why Hanna would drive all that way just to check on someone they would be able to see the next day. Spencer agreed with her though, but Hanna knew she wouldn't be able to convince Alison of anything if she was determined to come back to Rosewood – there was no way she would be able to subtly tell her to stay as far away from the town as she could until they found her sisters murderer. She was already in hospital because of this person, or at least, that was what Hanna suspected and the knowledge of this person wasn't going to make the newly married woman feel any better.

When Mona was brought up, she rolled her eyes, her fingers running through her hair as she felt those stress levels rising once again. Her and Mona were not as close as they used to be but she could still remember the pure devastation she had felt when she thought the girl was dead. She had been through the torture with them, and had even gone through worse because she had been on her own in there for so much longer than any of them could imagine. They may not have been as close as she would have liked but she still had good memories, "You guys, Mona did not kill Charlotte. She couldn't."

Spencer's attitude towards their first A didn't help matters, "Mona's changed so many times I doubt she even knows herself when she looks in the mirror." Hanna almost laughed out loud at that one, grabbing her pack as she raised a brow at the three women across from her, "Okay, who around here hasn't tried to reinvent themselves a couple of times?" Her glare settled on them as she stood up, "I'll call you after I see Ali." She muttered, not bothering to look at any of them again as she walked off – how could they accuse the very same person who had been through what they had? Mona was practically one of them if they let her into the little group they seemed to have going. She knew the girl, and she knew that no matter what, Mona was not capable of murdering Charlotte, not after what she had said in the court room.

Seeing Alison had only given her one good thing – and that was the knowledge that she truly was okay. She was going to be let out of the hospital the next day and she would be safe back in her own house. However, seeing her had drawn up more complications, one of which included the card she handed to Caleb the moment he had walked into her apartment after she text him telling him she needed to tell him something. "Tell me I'm wrong about that."

The look on her face served only to tell her just how right she was, the crossed out faces of three people, leaving just hers and Spencer's faces on the page. They were going to be next in whatever the hell this new person had planned and she wasn't sure she wanted to find out. "Did Alison or Elliott see this?" He asked, relieved when Hanna shook her head, "I'm pretty sure they didn't. Look, whoever this was isn't going to wait until election night. They're going to keep chipping away at us until there's nothing left."

"What did you tell the others about Ali's accident?"

"Nothing yet, I wanted to talk to you first." His confusion was obvious, but so was his happiness that despite everything, she had come to him before anyone else, "Why me?" He still asked, as though he needed to hear her say it.

Hanna took a deep breath and stepped forward, "Because you're the only one who can help me with this." His brow raised and he put the card down, staring at the woman in front of him, waiting for her to continue, "Look, I thought about this a lot on the drive home and the only way to prevent any more accidents is to call this creeps bluff. We have to tell them that we're ready to give them what they want."

"Hanna, what they want is Charlotte's killer." Hanna shrugged and looked him in the eyes, "You're looking at her." She whispered, her heart thumping against her chest as he stared at her, not able to say anything as he took in the words she had uttered.

Just a few hours passed and Hanna knew the plan was truly starting to form; she was willingly going to put herself the sort of danger she had always avoided, because she needed this to be over soon. The longer it went on, the more Henry was being put in danger and she wasn't going to let anything happen to him. They had taken their little 'meeting' to the barn, waiting for Spencer to come home so they could tell her everything, and thus, start the plan that would end this for good. The new A would be exposed and that was all the power they needed to end it – knowledge was power.

Spencer stared at the two in confusion, quickly hanging up her phone after making an excuse, "Hey, uh, I was going to call you... did you see Ali? Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's okay, it wasn't an accident." Spencer nodded her head, processing the information she had already suspected, "Sara's back at the Radley... she checked in under a fake name and she's still looking for something. These are plans for the Radley, the same one Sara got from the record office." It was Hanna's turn to nod her head; Spencer had been playing detective all day and Hanna was about to tell her the plan that would mean she could go back to the life she had before she arrived in Rosewood. Her eyes looked down, and Caleb stared at her before he placed a hand on her lower back, "Spencer, you need to listen to Hanna."

She seemed to sense the seriousness of the situation and stopped rambling as Hanna took a deep breath and stepped forward, tears forming in her eyes before she could even get the words out, "That night at the hotel when you were asleep, I did leave the room. I followed Aria and Ezra and I saw them in the square and then I saw Charlotte go into the church." She gulped, "I went in after her. She was sitting there. Alone. Praying. And all I could think about was how much she ruined everything and she got to sit there like nothing had happened. I could see how different my life was meant to be and the things I was meant to have, how maybe if I hadn't already been traumatised, I could have fought _him_ off instead of freezing like I did. Maybe if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been so absorbed in my work, trying to prove something to everyone and then I wouldn't have..." She couldn't say those words, someone admitting to a murder was easier than actually talking about how she was raped.

The tears fell down her own face, and Caleb looked away to wipe the tears of his own, "I picked up a candlestick and I stabbed her in the back of the neck with the end of it. And then I took her to the bell tower, and I threw her off in the hopes it would make it look like a suicide. She was crazy, right? I just thought that no one would care enough in the Rosewood Police Department to see it any other way. Then I went back to the hotel and pretended like I was only gone for a minute to get ice." And then the kicker, "Stealing that security drive wasn't because Aria was on it. It's because I'm on it. I murdered Charlotte."

Spencer's eyes were wide, tears began to fall and Hanna knew she had soaked in the information and believed her. Just as Caleb had – someone as traumatised as Hanna was capable of many things, why wouldn't murder be one of them? After a moment, she took a deep breath and wiped her eyes, "See? She believed it too and if she believed it, even for a minute-"

"What the hell just happened?!" Spencer looked betrayed but Hanna knew she had to fool her, just for a moment, just so she could see if the story was able to convince the most logical one in the group. Caleb hated every second of it, but Hanna had begged him, she had told him that this was the only way he could prove that he wanted to protect her and Henry, that she was going to be okay if he was on side. That she would do it without his help if she had to and there was no way in hell he could protect her if he wasn't right there by her side to do so. "Hanna knows how we can end this."

Spencer had text both Emily and Aria, but Emily was the first to turn up, her eyes wide as she paced in front of where the other three sat. "The whole thing sounds crazy."

Hanna just shook her head; "It's not crazy, we're building a rat trap."

"And you're the cheese!" Emily exclaimed, throwing her hands up and looking at Spencer and then at Caleb to see if either of them were going to say anything about the plan. Caleb was the first to speak, "We gotta do something unexpected to knock them off balance." He reasoned, although his eyes told another story – one of pure regret about the fact he had ever agreed to letting Hanna put herself in such danger in the first place. He would do everything he could to protect her but he was terrified that, once again, he would fail. "Okay, so what if she confessed to killing Charlotte and A orders her to march into the police station and tell Tanner?"

"You think this person went to all that trouble to hand her over to the cops? This is about revenge, not justice." Caleb was right, they all knew that, and that thirst for revenge would put A right where they wanted them. "It still sounds-"

Hanna cut her off with a roll of her eyes, "Crazy, yes, we've established that but Caleb and I have it all figured out." Emily turned her attention to Spencer who had remained quiet in the corner of the room with a glass of wine, "What do you think of all this?"

"I'm just happy someone else came up with a plan 'cause I'm all tapped out." She shrugged at Emily's next question, "Yeah, it can work. Meanwhile, I'll work things from the Sara angle and if we're lucky we'll catch A."

"If we're lucky?"

"Look, Hanna has a plan and Caleb has the know-how, if we don't back them up, they're just going to do it by themselves." Emily looked over at the two on the couch, sitting close to each other, Hanna's hand moving into Caleb's before she answered, "Yeah," Caleb looked down at their hands, a smile on his face before his attention turned to Spencer as he squeezed the blonde's hand, "Most of what I need I can take off the shelf but for the other stuff it would really be helpful if I could talk to Toby?"

Spencer stood up to grab the bottle of wine, hating how much danger they were about to put their seriously traumatised friend in. She knew her bitterness showed, but she couldn't express it because Hanna was a grown woman who was determined to do this. Her reasons were clear but Spencer had fought her on it – Hanna was a mother, Hanna had been raped two years ago, Hanna couldn't put herself in the line of fire like this. But Hanna had pointed out that those were the two reasons she wanted to do it; she was a mother and she had someone else to protect, she had been a victim and she was determined more than any of the other three not to be a victim again. Caleb was going to protect her and sure, one of the other women could easily take her place and do it but none of them were truly willing to commit to the plan as Hanna was. She had something to prove, and Spencer could see that in her eyes, Hanna wanted to prove to herself that she was capable of facing one of the demons in her life and Spencer couldn't fight her on the terrifying plan any longer. "Yeah, he needs to know what you're planning and I need to talk to him anyway."

Emily quickly moved to walk over to Spencer, her voice a low whisper, "Do you think Hanna is aware of the risk she's taking?"

Spencer's eyes moved over to where the blonde sat, handing Caleb a piece of paper, "Yeah, Em, she knows."

"And you're just gonna let the two of them run this?" Spencer gave a shrug of her shoulders, her eyes focused on Hanna, knowing she would have to do everything in her power to make sure nothing else happened to her best friend. "It's a plan and it's the only plan we have, Emily. Nothing is going to happen to her, we all love her... she's right. We just need one photograph of this person, we need to find out who the hell they are and then it's over. People like A or whatever this person wants to call themselves, thrive on remaining hidden and if we expose that? It's over."

Caleb walked Hanna back to her apartment later that night, instructing her not to do anything until he gave her the go-ahead. She promised him, and he trusted her but she insisted that Henry would be staying with Ashley until the entire thing was over – she had spoken to Ashley earlier that day, explaining that everything was getting on top of her with Charlotte's murder and she just needed to catch up on some work, would she be able to take a few days off to spend time with Henry? Of course, the elder Marin agreed without hesitation, promising Hanna that she would take good care of the little boy and Hanna knew she would. If anything happened to her, there was no better mother in the world. Caleb broke her from her thoughts as he unlocked the door for her and followed her inside, "I'll be back as fast as I can but the more I get done tonight, the less I have to worry about."

Hanna was about to respond when the sound of the fire starting ran through the apartment and she jumped, her eyes wide as she looked around, relief crossing her features when she saw Lucas. "Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that worked from anywhere in the apartment." He called out, before he walked down the steps, "Hey, Caleb, it's good to see you."

"Good to see you, too. I'd ask how you're doing but i'm a stockholder so I already know." Hanna smiled as she heard the two old friends talk, it was a little awkward because of how much time had passed and how much of a rush Caleb was in to get everything they needed together to end this nightmare once and for all. Once the door was closed, she turned her attention onto the person who had been kind enough to let her stay in his apartment during her stay in the town she longed to get out of. "What is this?" She asked as she walked to the table, picking up one of the pictures that laid there.

"It's the empty factory I'm buying near the lake, and this..." He grabbed another picture and handed it to her, "... is what it's going to look like when it's finished." Hanna stared at the large drawing and bit down on her lip, "What are you gonna do with it?"

Lucas was rich enough to buy these places without much thought, so she wasn't surprised when he just shrugged his shoulders, "Anything I want to. What would you do with it?" She laughed nervously and

put the picture down on the table, "Um, indoor miniature golf?" She joked, but Lucas was being completely serious as he looked at her.

"No, seriously, what would you do if someone said you could try anything? You know, start your own business? What would you do?"

"Don't kid like that Lucas." Hanna mumbled, her fingers running over the picture of the factory as she absent-mindedly thought of all the plans she had once had. "Who's kidding?" He replied, and she looked up at him with a curious look in her eyes, not entirely certain where this conversation was going to end up.

"Well, I would set myself up with some new designers, start my own brand. You know, get out of the city away from all the distractions." Away from the terrifying hold New York seemed to have on her, although she wasn't certain living in or near Rosewood would be any better for her sanity.

"Deal." Hanna frowned, "Research and Development. It can mean whatever we say it means. Look, this will be a good way for you to keep one foot in Rosewood... figure out what you left behind." Hanna wasn't sure if she had left anything behind other than her mom, and all of the pain she had once been put through but somehow, they still ended up back there and there had to be a reason for that.

"Lucas... I-I can't take you up on that offer. I... barely have any business experience, I worked for a large company once but other than that, I work from home for a magazine. I don't know about this stuff anymore..."

Lucas seemed to be having none of it as he smiled, "Is someone else you went to high school with going to offer you a million dollar line of credit? Come on, Hanna... look, I finally figured out a way to give you something that nobody else can offer you." Hanna didn't answer, instead, she just stood there awkwardly as she thought about how much she would have loved to have done something like that but putting herself out there like that didn't seem to be an option anymore. So, Lucas continued to talk, "Look, the offer still stands. We can talk about it tomorrow or whenever you want." Hanna nodded her head, "Yeah, tomorrow."

When he was gone, Hanna wasn't left alone with her thoughts for much longer as Aria and Ezra were finally filled in on the plan. Her best friends sat on the couch as she and Caleb stood in front of them, both of them determined to make them see that this was the only option. Caleb needed them to see that there was no way he was ever going to let anything happen to Hanna, some of them in the room had no idea what had happened to her, only Spencer could understand the true meaning behind the fierce protection he felt right then but he just hoped the others would have enough faith in him to know that this plan simply couldn't fail.

"And you can get all of that ready in time?"

"I've already started, I can have it when we need it." Caleb responded quickly, more than ready to answer any questions or concerns their friends had. Aria turned her attention to Hanna though, nothing but concern in her eyes, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"I wouldn't have thought of it if I wasn't ready to do this." Hanna's voice didn't waiver, and she stood strong, ready to put their plan into action and end the hell that had been their lives since Charlotte was thrown from the bell tower. Caleb stepped in front of her slightly, "Look guys, this isn't a democracy, okay? We aren't taking votes. This is something Hanna and I decided to do. The only thing you need to decide is whether you're going to help us or not."

Spencer looked at the others, before she spoke, "Nobody here is going to let you go through this on your own." Her words were directed at Hanna, and they held a much deeper meaning than anyone else could truly understand. Hanna took a deep breath, glad that they were going to let this happen; she had something to prove and this was the way she was choosing to do it – she wasn't weak. Not as weak as she had been made to feel for so long.

She turned her back to everyone else in her room and got the previous messages up before she spoke into her phone, "Leave my friends alone. I killed Charlotte." And with that, it was too late to take back the words as she watched the message being sent to the unknown person who would soon put the power back in their hands if everything went according to plan.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Trigger warning – mentions of rape and violence in this chapter! Thank you for the reviews and apologies for the slightly longer than usual wait, this chapter did take a while longer for various reasons but here it is! Please review and let me know what you think, as I love reading them! Ideas are always gratefully accepted as well! Words cannot describe how excited I am to be able to write up episode eight of season seven for this story. Also, Hanna's going to start dealing with her demons in the next few chapters and so will Caleb; one of which will be Hanna finally telling Ashley everything that has happened.**

 **Disclaimer: The characters and the show belongs to Pretty Little Liars, I own nothing other than the storyline of this story.**

" _I'm afraid of opening up, only I'm not sure which frightens me most, letting you in or the monsters out." - Beau Taplin_

Hanna sat there as she stared at her phone waiting for a response, she could feel people surrounding her, she could just about hear them chatting on about something to do with Alison but she wasn't interested. She just needed a reply, she just needed to know what the hell she had just done, would they take the bait? "None of you should be alone until this is over." She heard Ezra say, but she bit down on her lip and shook her head, "She's typing."

 _If you're lying, I'll shoot all of you._

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, almost mumbling about how the use of the emoji was unnecessary but she was distracted by the sound of her friend speaking, "Hanna are you sure you wanna do this?"

"First it was Aria and then it was Ali. Whoever's next could end up lying in a casket instead of a hospital bed." Her mind was already made up, she had to do this to protect her best friends, her son and herself, she couldn't keep risking their lives for the sake of an angry person who wanted to make their lives hell over something they had never done. "And we all decided this is the right thing to do."

Spencer just sighed, "Okay but we can undecide... it's not to late." Hanna nodded her head but her eyes moved to the person who was sat next to her and she gave him a small smile, "Yeah, well, I trust Caleb." It wasn't the entire truth but she knew him well enough to know he would protect her from a known danger. She still hated him for thinking the worst of her all those years ago, she was still aware of the wall she had placed between them but it didn't matter because she knew he would protect her. Just as he would have done two years ago had he known she was going to be attacked on her way home one night. Quickly, she text back; _It's the truth, I'll call the cops._

"She's sending another text." She mumbled, her heart dropping when she read the words in front of her. It was everything they had predicted but she had still hoped this person was wanting to do the right thing once they found Charlotte's killer. At least then they wouldn't be in any immediate danger; _this is between you and me._ She gulped, and nodded her head when someone said what she was thinking aloud – Sara Harvey had taken the bait, so she sent another message before she had the chance to actually change her mind; _I need one more day._

Ezra read the message over her shoulder, and she stared down at the words on her phone, "It'll be your last." Didn't this person care that she had a son to raise? Didn't this person think beyond their own revenge to think about anything other than killing her for a crime she hadn't even committed? Then again, she remembered, wouldn't she want revenge if someone killed Henry, or Caleb, or any of her best friends? Would she be able to see beyond that red mist or would she be just as dangerous as the person she had just put herself in the path of? Before she could get too caught up in her own terrified thoughts, Hanna decided she had to go see Henry and her mother. If this new A was watching her, then Hanna could at least put on a show for her – pretend to say goodbye to the people she loved the most.

Caleb had been left to go over the plan in Hanna's apartment, his eyes staring down at the photographs and the plans in front of him as he shook his head. He couldn't believe he was letting the love of his life go through with something that could potentially be so dangerous; she had Henry to think about, any one of the girls could have put themselves forward for this and yet, there she was. He bit down harshly on his lip as he tried not to think about the anger he had directed at the other girls for not doing what he needed them to do – they should have volunteered. He should have volunteered. "Hey," Emily walked into the apartment and broke him from his thoughts, before he greeted her back and then frowned as he looked back down at the table.

"Where's Hanna?" She asked, "Oh, she's at the Radley – she went to make it look like she was saying her last goodbye to her mom and Henry." His voice was bitter, and he knew by the tension in Emily's shoulders that she had picked up on it. She didn't comment on it though, she only ran her fingers through her hair and sat next to him, "Oh... I left the generator in the van."

"Right, because nothing spells trap like one of us buying a machine that could deliver nine thousand five hundred watts." He mumbled, before he scoffed, wishing he had told this new person who was torturing his ex-girlfriend and her friends that it was him who had done it. Only, he hadn't even been in town when it happened – would he even be believed? Emily explained to him how far she had driven, and how she hadn't been followed and he just shrugged his shoulders, pretending as though he was focusing on what was in front of him. "How do you know how to build an electric fence?"

"I Googled how to build an electric fence." His answers were short, his tone was angry, but he didn't look at Emily to see her reaction. He could just sense the awkwardness between them, but neither of them were going to comment on it because they both knew what should have and what could have happened. Only Emily was missing one vital piece of information that only he and Spencer held the knowledge to and he had almost forgotten that for a moment. He gulped back those darker thoughts when Emily spoke again and he shook his head, "No, it'll knock her on her ass and it'll keep her there until one of us picks her up."

"I know I shouldn't be saying this but this whole thing just reeks of irony..." Hanna walked in silently, biting down on her lip as she caught the end of Caleb and Emily's conversation; her tears when she had said goodbye to Henry had been completely real because leaving him behind was always the hardest thing in the world. She had already told her mom to look after him, she had already said goodbye, causing Ashley to give her a weird look when she came back for a second goodbye. Sara Harvey may have been watching them through, in the reception of the the hotel that she was staying in, the chances were high.

"You should totally say it," Her voice was almost numb, blocking herself off to all feelings that she may or may not have had to what she was about to do, "If we're right about Sara Harvey, she deserves more than a few volts."

Later that night, when they were entirely certain that no one was watching them,the plan had to be put into place. It meant being alone with Caleb, even for a little while, something she wasn't sure she was entirely comfortable with. Her eyes watched him as he explained everything to her, she could see the protectiveness in his eyes, and the passion on his face as he spoke about the fence he had designed himself. The fence that was purely designed to protect her, and expose the person who had been torturing them. Henry would be safe when it was all over and that was all that mattered to Hanna. "We're ready for them, Hanna."

She remained silent but nodded her head as she smiled, before he spoke again, "Hey, will you hand me the Phillips, it's the one with-" She cut him off and handed it to him, "The star tip, I know." She just gave a nod of her head when he thanked her, "So, did you make a decision yet?" Her nose scrunched up in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Lucas' offer." She had almost forgotten about that,, with everything going on, that had been the last thing on her mind. "Oh, right, um.. yeah, I mean there's still al lot to think about. It's not all about me." She had to think about Henry as well, and right then, she mostly needed to focus on keeping him the hell out of this new A's line of sight. "If this fence is always electric, what are the motion senses for?"

"Uh, they'll trigger the lights and the camera, that way if A-Moji realises this is a set up, then worst case scenario is we'll have a photograph of her." She let out a laugh, and shook her head, as Caleb looked behind him, his cheeks turning red, "What's so funny? Do I have plumbers crack or something?"

She raised a brow and looked behind him, flashing his torch at his back, "No, your crack is covered." She joked, with a small smirk on her face, "I just... we didn't know what to call this sicko and I think you just named it." The brunette just smiled at her, throwing a small wink her way before he focused on the task at hand – it was easy between them, everything had always been so easy for them and it made things even more difficult for her wall to stay up. She could feel it crumbling with every moment she spent with him and she hated it.

The day flew by, quicker than she had wanted it to – her friends thought she was brave, they had repeated it to her a thousand times but the only thing that kept her walking up to that room that night was her son and the fact she needed to protect everyone she loved. Her eyes glanced around the room, and she took a deep breath; this would be the room it ended in. Maybe she could finally leave Rosewood behind once and for all. "Are you okay?" Caleb finally asked her, as he hammered at the window, boarding it up so she would feel a little safer in there. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." She shrugged her shoulders and bit down on her bottom lip as she ran her fingers through her hair, "Hanna, you're gonna be safe in here, I promise."

The blonde sat there a little while later, on the edge of the bed as she nervously bit down on her nails, her leg shook as she waited for it to be over, although the entire setting up part of it seemed to be taking a lot longer than she had ever expected, "Do you need anything?" Aria hovered, the only one of her friends who had turned up to help with this entire sorry situation.

"A whisky and a diet would be nice." Aria frowned, looking more helpless than Hanna had meant to make her feel, "I brought water..." Hanna just shook her head in response, glad when Ezra interrupted them to take Aria out of the room. Only, that meant leaving her alone with Caleb, so she wasn't sure which was better,"You're really brave, you know that?" He spoke, filling the silence as he walked over to her and she just let out a small, bitter laugh, "Someone had to be the bait."

"It didn't have to be you. It shouldn't have been you." Her eyes met with his, before she looked down at her trembling hand, "You said I have nothing to worry about." She whispered, making Caleb quickly shake his head as he moved to sit next to her and grabbed her hand, he ignored the way she flinched at the contact and she tried not to think about how that was her instinctual reaction to the slightest touch. "You don't, there is no way Sara Harvey is going to get in here."

"Are you sure?"

"Have I ever let you-" He trailed off, and his hand dropped when he realised he couldn't finish that sentence anymore. He had let her down before. He wasn't able to sit there and ask her if he had ever let her down before because he had done so in the worst way possible. Tears were in his eyes, matching her own as she bit down on her lip, and her eyes stared down at her lap, letting the tears fall onto her jeans. "I've let you down, too." She mumbled, but Caleb only shook his head and looked at her with a confused expression on his face, causing her to gulp.

"The night... that it happened... we had an argument, do you remember? I mean, we argued a lot..." She trailed off, "We argued so much but that night, you were angry at me because I was trying to skip out on the trip and you said you would go without me. And I said that was okay, that if you had to do that, then you had to do that..." The tears fell, and she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down, "I walked out and I went to work as though nothing had happened but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to break up, I didn't want you to go to Europe without me, so I... I planned out this whole stupid surprise. I grabbed our favourite take-out, our favourite bottle of wine, and I even went to buy some sexy underwear, I just wanted to do something romantic, you know? I text you asking what time you would be home, you sent a snappy reply back and it gave me about an hour to set everything up. It was going to be perfect..."

Caleb opened his mouth to reply but Hanna shook her head to stop him, "You know, maybe if I had just decided to let you be angry for that night, then we could have sorted it out another night. Or if I had gone home two hours earlier, or decided just to walk in on you when I knew you would be there. If I had just decided to go at a different time, instead of happily walking down the street with that stupid bottle of wine, in those pathetic lace panties..." Caleb was shaking his head, his cheeks were flushed red and she had no idea if he was angry at her, or at himself, or at the person who hurt her. "I-I let you down, I should have... if it had to happen, I should have told you. I should have gone straight home, I should have let you call the police, I shouldn't have done all of it behind your back and then laid next to you in the bed like nothing happened. I shouldn't have caused arguments for the sake of causing arguments because I was hurting and I didn't want you to see."

Hanna let out a broken sob, "If I had just... decided to come home a few minutes earlier, or a few minutes later then thongs might be so different now." And Caleb was finally allowed to speak, his hand moving to her cheek to wipe at the tears that fell down her face, "You're right but... you didn't let me down, Hanna. You going through that..." He trailed off, he couldn't bring himself to say the word attacked, or raped because it conjured up images that broke his heart. "... you didn't let me down. You didn't let anyone down."

Tears fell down his own face and Hanna looked up at him, leaning her face into the touch of his hand as she allowed herself to take comfort in his company for just a second, "I never stopped loving you." She whispered, her heart thumped against her chest as she admitted it.

"I never will." The words fell from his lips before he could stop them, but before she could reply, he shut them both up by pressing their lips together. His hand moved to run through her hair, he made sure to keep his movements gentle, glad when her lips started to move against his. It wasn't a passionate, desperate kiss but it conveyed everything he couldn't say to her right then. His thumb rubbed against her cheek gently, wiping away the tears that had fallen before the sound of the door opening made them both jump back. "I think we're ready." It was announced and he just stood up and took a deep breath, not taking his eyes from Hanna, "Are you sure you want to do this?" He finally said, ignoring the other two in the room, his frown deepening when she nodded her head and took out her phone; _I'm at the Lost Woods Resort. Alone._

"It's done."

It was only an hour later Caleb found himself staring at the spot he had left Hanna. His heart dropped, his eyes scanned the room hoping she was just hiding somewhere. She had been raped and he had left her alone, she had been kidnapped two years after that because he had left her alone. His fingers gripped at his short hair, his breathing was rapid as he repeated her name over and over again. He felt as though someone had torn out his heart and stomped on it, "I let her down." He finally whispered, although he wasn't sure the other two had heard him. Moments before, they had been running around the woods, thinking they were going to catch the person who was trying to make their lives hell and now, Caleb was standing there with tears running down his face, looking at the empty motel room he had left her in to be kidnapped. "I promised her I would protect her and Henry and I let them both down."

In the distance, he could hear Aria on the phone to Spencer but he didn't care, he had to find where Hanna had gone, he had to know how this new A had gotten to her despite his best attempts. It was only when Ezra dropped to his knees and lifted up a floorboard that he realised he had left something out. "I should have checked the floors." He stared down at the hole, and he shook his head; his head hurt from crying, his eyes were red and his hands shook.

"Caleb, who would have thought to do that?" His response was obvious, and he screamed in Ezra's face the name of the person who would think that, and the person who had thought about it. The floorboards, A had come up through the floor and Hanna must have been terrified. He was so caught up in his own thoughts, imagining a scared Hanna being dragged away from there, helpless, alone.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." Arms wrapped around him and he recognised them as Spencer's, causing him to pull away quickly as he frowned the moment his eyes met with those of Mona's, "Why the hell did you bring her here?!" He was more than aware of the flinch that followed, but it didn't break his heart in the same way it had when Hanna flinched from him. He didn't care if his friends were scared right then, he didn't care if they hated him, he just wanted Hanna back.

"I followed them." Mona just shrugged her shoulders and looked around the room, seemingly putting two and two together as the realisation appeared in her eyes and she felt the fear creeping over her as well. Hanna was her best friend, despite what everyone thought and how much time had passed and right then, she was frightened for the safety of her best friend. Everyone's eyes moved to the small laptop in Ezra's hands but Caleb couldn't take his eyes from Mona, wondering what she was doing there and if she was going to be of any help to them. "How can that even be possible?" He heard, and his eyes moved to the screen to be faced with someone had had thought was dead. Maybe ghosts were real after all and Ravenswood hadn't been one awful nightmare.

For a few moments, they had thought about doing the right thing. They were stood outside the police station, Caleb growing increasingly frustrated with each second that passed. Even for a moment, they were going to do the right thing but they were never able to. A.D, as they so dutifully named themselves, chose that moment to message them, and his eyes read the words until the sound of a bell chimed behind them; _a lie for a lie, an eye for an eye. The bell tolls for Hanna – A.D_

He ran faster than he ever had before, and he felt the panic rising in him, the tears were falling before he even knew what was going to happen. He had this sense of doom that ran over him; a fear that almost paralysed him. What was he going to do if he had killed Hanna? Once they got into the church, Spencer was the first scream he heard, and his eyes glanced above him – he would have sensed if she was dead, he was certain of it. He should have known, he loved her so much and he always thought it was enough to know when she was hurting. He had proved himself wrong before, when she had been laying in bed next to him silently sobbing because some man had ruined every bit of trust and safety she had, a stranger had ripped that from her and yet, he hadn't noticed.

So maybe, despite how much he loved her, he wouldn't be able to sense if she was dead.

"Hanna!" He finally screamed, as he ran up the stairs towards her, "Hanna!" Numerous screams could be heard behind him but he didn't care, Hanna was the only person he cared about, she was the only person he could see right then. "Toby!" He sobbed, as he took hold of Hanna and pulled her back towards him, carefully laying her on the floor as he whimpered her name, brushing his fingers through her hair and then running his fingers over her face. "No, no... wait..." He pulled at her face, at the mask, and he felt the tears stop almost instantly – she wasn't dead, she was still out there and he still had a chance. "It's a mask, it's a mask... oh my god." The relief was like nothing he could have ever describe, as he sat back and rested his head in his hands as he closed his eyes. She wasn't dead.

"It isn't Hanna." That only left one question that was voiced by Spencer, where the hell was she if she wasn't there? And then Emily's hand moved to a piece of string he hadn't even noticed, and the voice that came from the doll kind of answered his question, "You have twenty-four hours to give me Charlotte's real killer or Hanna dies. Tick tock bitches."

Hanna jumped up the moment she heard a car engine start, the panic rising as she slammed down on the wall, "Is there somebody out there?!" She called out, letting out a broken sob, breathless, "No, please! Please! Open the door, you can't leave me in here, I'm begging you. Please!" She could hear the car pull away and she knew her cries were pointless, but she couldn't give up. She had a son, she had to be there for him, this couldn't be the way he remembered her. When he was older, he would be told of his murdered mother who died because she had murdered someone else. He would never know that it wasn't the truth. "Please..." She sobbed, before she fell to the floor, only then realising that she was dressed in just a vest and her underwear, her fingers moving to run over the scar on her knee. "Please."

When the door opened, she felt hope rise in her, maybe the person who had taken her had changed their minds – realised what a mistake they had made but the water on the floor should have been enough of a warning. She gasped for air when the water hit her completely, freezing cold water that took her breath away and sent her back flying towards the wall behind her as she attempted to get away from it. "Stop, please stop!" She cried out, begging for the masked person to stop whatever it was they had planned – she had been freezing already but this was a whole new kind of cold she had never felt before. And she never wanted to feel again.

She barely heard the buzzing sound, and she could feel bile rising in her throat, scared of what was about to happen. It was dark, she couldn't see what was standing in front of her but she had no doubt that he could see her. She was helpless, she was vulnerable, she was right back in that alley. Flashes of the stranger who had thrown her against the wall and pressed his lips against hers roughly, his hands wandering her body with a knife pressed to her throat, were mixed with the stranger standing in front of her who pressed something to her soaked body and caused an unimaginable pain to coarse through her frightened body. "Stop, stop, please, please stop!" She had repeated the words two years before, and they felt no different than they did right then. Both times she felt as though she was fighting for her life. Her breathing was uneven, and her screams filled the shed she had woken up in hours before.

She supposed creepy looking shacks were just one more thing she could add to her list of places to avoid. Places that would cause her to shake uncontrollably, places that would cause tears to well up in her blue eyes before she could stop them. She begged, over and over again for the pain to stop, before she sank to the ground and closed her eyes. She was going to throw up, she was going to pass out, or something between the two. She just needed it to be over.

When it was over, it was only temporary. She wasn't sure how long it was before she opened her eyes again to sense someone standing over her. There was that buzzing noise again and this time, she almost choked on the freezing cold water that was sprayed over her. Quickly, she scrambled to her feet and backed into the corner of the room, the torture started again – physically and mentally. Even though the torture of the person in front of her was enough, everything took her straight back to where she had been two years before. She could hear his voice, she could smell him on her, she could feel him touching her and it only caused her to throw up the empty contents of her stomach after she collapsed to the ground for the second time. It was relentless though, suddenly there was a hand in her hair and she was forced onto her stomach, held onto the ground as the weapon was pressed against her lower back in the most sensitive of spots.

She screamed and snapped out of it; suddenly she wasn't back there with _him_ anymore. She was in the present, she was being shouted at, questioned about who killed Charlotte. Apparently the person who was hurting her right then knew she hadn't done it, but they wanted to know who had. And they thought Hanna knew who had murdered the person who had been her initial torturer. She let out a sob, "I don't know, I don't know, please.. I-I really don't know." The weapon was removed, before it pressed against her shoulder, and then the back of her neck, and then her other shoulder before settling into the middle of her back for another prolonged period of time. It caused her to tense up, her body shaking horrifically as she gasped for air. She couldn't breathe, her face was pressed against the floor of the dirty shed, the electricity ran through her body, mixing with the effects of the cold water.

When her eyes opened again, she looked up in confusion when she was met with Spencer's blurry face – hope rose in her for a moment, until she realised that her best friend looked different. She looked as though she was her seventeen year old self again, before everything got so complicated and Hanna was just Hanna. "Spencer?" She whispered, her throat sore and her voice hoarse from the constant screaming and futile vomiting she had been doing over the past twenty-four hours.

"You've got this Hanna, you're going to be okay." Her best friend spoke, with a smile on her face, causing Hanna to shake her head, "I think I'm going to die in here." She admitted, her eyes glancing around at the shed she was certain was going to be the last place she ever saw. "No, I won't let that happen."

"But this is a dream, you can't help me... you're not real, Spence."

"Something real is actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact." Spencer spoke in riddles and Hanna scrunched up her nose, "I don't know what you're saying but I'm glad that you're here." Even if Spencer wasn't truly there, it brought her enough comfort to allow her to feel as though, even for those few moments, she wasn't alone.

"A dream is an experience and an experience is real, do you understand?" The blonde frowned, "Maybe..." She trailed off, and then shook her head, "No..." She sighed, and looked at the person in front of her, the one person who had been the most against the plan. She had just assumed Caleb would be able to protect her, she thought nothing could happen to her, that she had already experienced all the bad in the world and surely, because of that, nothing could happen. How quickly she had been proven wrong, bad things truly did happen to people who only seemed to experience the worst things in the past. "I should have listened to you, Spence... I-I think... this A is a lot smarter than the others."

Smarter and harsher. This A liked seeing them in physical pain, whereas Charlotte had enjoyed the mental aspect of it all. She was more interested in the pain that was caused by their own brains, and by what she did to drive them crazy and it almost worked. "You told them the truth, right?" Spencer broke her from her thoughts and she gave a quick nod of her head, "Maybe it's a god thing we don't know who killed Charlotte because I'd tell if I did." She admitted, a guilty look on her face, almost ashamed of herself for even being able to say something so awful. How could she sacrifice herself for someone else? "I'm so scared, Spencer..."

The tears started to fall then, and Spencer's arms were quick to wrap around her sore body, her head resting on hers, "I know, I know..." She murmured, closing her own eyes as Hanna silently cried, "There's no way out."

"If A can come in and out of here, you can too... think about it, Hanna. If there is a way in, there is a way out, right?" Hanna just shrugged her shoulders, pulling away so she could take a look around – the entrance and the exit weren't visible to the naked eye at least. "Say it." Spencer told her, and Hanna repeated her words although she still wasn't completely certain. "You're gonna need your strength for tomorrow, get some sleep."

Her head moved to rest in Spencer's lap and she closed her eyes at the fingers running through her hair, "Will you stay with me?"

Spencer continued to move her fingers through blonde hair as she spoke, "Always." She whispered, before her voice gently sang to her best friend who laid there slightly shaking in her lap. Hanna wasn't sure how much time passed between that dream and the moment she woke up to an empty shed, knowing she had to escape then or never. She didn't know then he would be back, or what would happen next time, she wasn't even sure how much time had passed; was Henry crying for her? Her heart broke at the thought and she quickly stood up, she had to see her son again. She had to make sure he was going to be okay, even if he had an emotional wreck as a mother. She stumbled blindly, her fingers reaching out for the vent she could feel air coming through, and she took another look around, maybe it would be her only means for escape. "If there's a way in, there's a way out."

Caleb walked into Spencer's house with Henry in his arms, having managed to convince Ashley that Hanna wanted him to pick the little boy up. She had been hesitant at first, but eventually, she handed over the small toddler to him with the promise that Hanna would phone her the moment she could. He felt bad, because she had no idea what had happened to her own daughter and for all he knew, the next time he saw the woman he respected so much, and loved as his own mother, would be to tell her how sorry he was that her daughter was dead and it was all his fault. The thought was enough to make him feel sick but he focused on the boy in his arms; once he had dropped off Alison's jacket, he had decided that seeing him would be the one thing that would make Hanna smile. Henry held his finger in his tiny hand as he let out a squeal and Caleb couldn't help the huge grin on his face as he ignored the questions of the people around him about why the hell he had taken off like that. "You got Henry?" Emily finally asked, watching as Caleb sat down and placed the happy, little boy who had no idea what was going on with his mother, on his lap. He nodded his head, "I thought Hanna would want to see him, she should be home soon... have you heard anything?"

"Not yet, radio silence." He frowned and pressed his face to Henry's head; he reminded him of Hanna, he even smelt like her. The little boy in his arms,a t some point, could have been half his. He had imagined raising a child with Hanna, he should have been the person to help her with Henry instead of letting her do it on her own – even if she could have forgiven him for walking out on her after she had been raped, he wasn't sure she would ever be able to forgive him for letting her get kidnapped. He had made her a promise and had completely broken it, unintentionally but that didn't matter. She could have died, she could be dead and he had no idea what he was going to do in a world without Hanna Marin.

Henry was the first to notice, "Mommy!" Caleb heard, and he looked around in confusion before his eyes settled on the girl who had just walked through the door. Her face was pale, a blanket was wrapped around her body but still, she was shaking and she looked exhausted. Spencer ran over to her first, and slowly led Hanna further into the house, questions were being shot at her but Caleb noticed that Hanna's eyes were only focused on one thing – the little boy in his arms. When she reached out her arms, the blanket dropped and the true extent of what she had gone through over the past twenty-four hours was revealed to those in the room. Quickly, he stood up and moved to place Henry in her outstretched arms, smiling when her eyes lit up and the little boy quickly moved to wrap his arms around her, unaware of everything that had happened. He had to look away from the two of them, the moment between mother and son was enough to bring tears to his eyes – Henry had moved his hands to his mother's cheek, their foreheads pressed together as they just looked at each other. She bumped her nose against his, and rubbed his back as she took in everything about him.

When Hanna's arms began to shake, he gently removed Henry from her arms and looked at her, giving her a small smile that wasn't returned, as he expected. Luckily, Spencer took over, ushering Hanna up the stairs to get Hanna showered and dressed. "No, he's okay with me." He told Aria when she offered to take the toddler from his arms; he moved to sit back down again, whispering to Henry about how his mommy was home and how sorry he was. Henry had no clue what had happened and he never would, but Caleb would still apologise for all the potential loss and pain he could have gone through.

By the time she came back down, her son had fallen asleep in his arms, his little head nestled into his chest and his tiny first curled around his top as Caleb held him as close as he possibly could. He was an amazing little boy, and he held eighteen months of regrets because he never got to know him – he missed his first smile, his first word, the first time he rolled over onto his back and the first time he crawled. Henry wasn't his but he was Hanna's and that was close enough.

His eyes watched as the blonde sat on the couch, not saying a word to anyone, before Spencer filled them in on everything Hanna must have told her upstairs. Mary Drake had driven her there, she didn't know where she had been but her injuries were bad – bad enough to make Spencer visibly paler than she had been when she walked up the stairs half an hour before. "Hanna, are you sure you don't wanna go to the doctor?" She must have asked the question upstairs, because Hanna shook her head with a frown, "I'm sure." She replied, with a small shrug of her shoulders, holding the hot mug of coffee that Spencer had given her, a little closer.

"Hanna... I-I think you should..." He finally spoke, but she didn't glance at him, instead her eyes fell to her lap, "The doctors are gonna ask questions and then I'll have to lie. No doctors, no questions." Her reasoning was good but it didn't make Caleb, or any of the people sitting in that room feel any better. They had seen a glimpse of her injuries, but Spencer had been the only one of them to see them all, and the look on her face was enough to make them all concerned for the person sitting on the couch in front of them. His glare focused on Spencer when she asked about Mary Drake, as though that was the main concern they had right then but Hanna's reply concerned him even more, "Is she real?" Everyone looked at her, and then at each other, "I-I mean, is she really who she says she is?" As it was explained to her, Hanna seemed to have a sudden dawn of realisation, "So it's her. Mary Drake. She's been after us all along. Someone killed her daughter and then she shows up to get even." They all nodded in agreement and she bit down on her lip, "But... she must have been chasing me when I got out... why wouldn't she just run me over instead of bringing me here?"

"Because we gave her what she wanted."

"Charlotte's killer." They were convinced at that point, that Alison had murdered the person she thought to be her sister, apparently they had found the evidence to prove it but Hanna wasn't convinced. She didn't voice those concerns though and instead, handed her mug to Spencer, "Can I have my son, please?" Caleb didn't hesitate, quickly moving to sit next to the woman before he handed the sleeping boy to her with a small smile, "Your mom wasn't too happy about handing him over but I promised her that you would give her a call when you could."

She only nodded her head and rested Henry on her knees, running her fingers over his cheeks, not even glancing up at the knock on the door. When Ezra came back with some flowers, Hanna looked up at them as they read out the note, "Couldn't have done it without you, glad we're on the same team – A.D" Their eyes moved over to Hanna and she quickly looked down with a small shake of her head. Her hell was over, but she had no idea what was coming for Alison and that scared her.

Hanna had managed to convince them that she was going to be okay if she went back to Lucas' apartment, she just wanted to be in her own bed, and she wanted her son to be around his own toys, so at least he could feel a sense of normality. She had barely spoken a word since she had been back, she almost felt numb, and mostly, she wanted to be alone. People hovered over her, her friends looked at her as though she was going to break down at any second. Spencer and Caleb were waiting for it; the nightmares were back, the flashes of him were back – she had gotten to the point where she could close her eyes and she wouldn't see his face every single time, but now she would flash between the two. One had ruined her in every single way possible and the other had torn away any sense of safety she had started to feel.

She had barely let go of her son since she had gotten home, and he was clinging to her just as tight as they he could sense something. Caleb had barely left her side, either, although she had barely said a single word to him, until he cornered her the moment he was able to, "So, are you gonna take Lucas up on his offer?" He asked, and she just shook her head, as though that was the way he decided to break the obvious ice between them. "He's crazy." She told him, with a shrug of her shoulders, "He sees your potential..."

Her eyes rolled, "Potential for what?" She had no idea what the hell her friends seemed to see in her, because she couldn't see it. She was broken, what didn't they understand about that? His answer made her laugh, an angry flare in her eyes, "Don't you get it? None of us are in charge of anything around here. I'm not in charge of anything... I've no control over anything, not even my own damn life, could you honestly see me running a business?!"

"Well, we can fix that... no one's giving up on anybody."

"Then what? Suppose we get through this, where the hell does that leave us? Right back to where we started." She sighed as she walked away from him, placing Henry down in his play pen, so he wouldn't have to feel the tension that was rising through her right then. Caleb moved to follow her, "Well, I suppose that depends on how far back we want to go..."

"Look, Caleb... in that room before all the lights went out and someone pushed me down a hole, I was scared." She shook her head when he moved to open his mouth, stopping him before he could talk, "But you were there, I always felt safe around you, even when we weren't getting along, you made me feel safe. Maybe that's why what happened... happened."

"So we just went back to what we used to be for a minute?"

"Just a minute." Hanna was trying to push him away, he couldn't get involved in her mess even though really, she knew he already was. He could see the look in her eyes, having been pulled aside by Spencer earlier that day who told him to keep an eye on her because she had that 'dollhouse look'. He knew what that meant, he had seen how broken she was before, but since then, she had been through so much more. She had been shattered, but he hadn't even noticed and this time, no matter how hard she pushed, he was going to stay.

"You're lying..." He told her, stepping closer to her, only for her to step back as she shook her head and took a deep breath, "Don't you get it, Caleb? I'm a one woman demolition derby and you should stay the hell away from me. Escape whilst you can."

"And don't you get it, Hanna? I'm not going anywhere. You can hate me as much as you want, and god, I wouldn't blame you... after everything you have gone through and everything I have put you through, you never have to forgive me. I love you, Hanna Marin and..." He bent down to pick Henry up, "I'm going to be here for the two of you, no matter what. Whether we date, or whether we're just best friends for the rest of our lives, I love you so much and this little boy is a part of you, so I love him too..." His other arm wrapped around Hanna and he pulled her close despite her resistance, "You can push me away as much as you want, you can tell me you hate me, you can scream at me, even hit me if you need to but I'm staying. This time, I'm staying. I've left before, Hanna and it's never going to happen again. I'm never going to let you down again."

The guilt swam in his eyes, and she pulled back to take her son with a small sigh, rubbing her eyes as she just shook her head, "I'm fine." She mumbled, "I'm just fine... and you should stay away from me. All of you should." She didn't glance back at him as she headed towards her bedroom, slamming the door behind her before he could see the tears that were falling down her cheeks, "I'm broken." She whispered into the otherwise empty room, before her lips pressed to Henry's forehead, "I'm so sorry, baby boy."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So, I just watched the new episode and I cannot put into words how excited I am to get up to it within this story. It fits perfectly into the way I believed Hanna was going because of the trauma she had been through in my story, and in canon. Anyway, here is the latest chapter, although there is only mostly implied Haleb within this chapter, I promise that the next chapter is very Caleb and Haleb heavy, so just press that beautiful review button and I will try to get it up as soon as possible!**

 **Disclaimer: The characters and the show belongs to Pretty Little Liars, I own nothing other than the storyline of this story.**

" _I'm trying to outrun my past, but still trying to defeat my limits 'cause you only get one moment in this life to be great and you give it your all despite what it takes, and you never let them kill you, you take everything that they give you and throw it right fucking at them and tell them it doesn't build you, and no it doesn't ever break you and no it can't overtake you. Life's like a bed of roses, you take the thorns and you make do. Sometimes you have to hurt for the cause to be reached but one day you'll be stronger than all that you beat." - Angel Haze_

Hanna smiled as she looked down at Henry who had just woke up with a huge smile on his face, she watched as he kicked his legs and removed his blanket, as his arms reached out for his mother. It made her heart soar every single morning; in a world where she felt so unloved, especially by herself, to have this one person who looked at her as though she was the entire world. Henry loved her no matter what, and whilst she was terrified of doing something that would damage him in ways she would never be able to repair, she couldn't imagine her life without him in it. "Oh my god..."

She heard a gasp behind her, breaking it from her thoughts about the little boy as she jumped and turned around to make eye contact with Aria for just a brief second. "What?" She asked, although she knew exactly what her best friend had seen, and it was enough to make her grab for the nearest shirt. "Y-you're back..." Aria confirmed what Hanna had already known, and she quickly gave a shrug of her shoulders as she slipped the extra piece of fabric on that would cover up the injuries she had done so well to hide from most of the people who worried for her.

"Oh, um, it's nothing... it's fine." She tried to shrug it off, her eyes watered but she held them back. She had to keep it together, for herself, for her friends and for Henry. She had been through hell and back, in more ways than anyone other than Spencer and Caleb knew and she didn't want this to be the thing that finally snapped her in half.

"That's definitely not nothing, Hanna! Those... those look like burn marks. Did that happen to you in there?" She almost wanted to roll her eyes because where else would she had gotten them? But she just turned back to take her son from his crib and motioned towards the door, "Spencer's here." She commented, pushing past Aria without another word, when the other woman called her name. Her arms wrapped around her son as though he was a security blanket. He was the only thing that kept her grounded, the only thing in the world she had left that would keep her standing there, still breathing. She had nothing else, nothing good in her life other than the boy she held in her arms.

Whilst she hated him being involved in anything that had to do with Rosewood, A and everything else that made the town so messed up, she still held Henry on her lap, playing with his fingers as he just giggled to himself. His eyes were glued to the television, and she pressed her lips to his head as her friends argued amongst themselves. With a sigh, she turned to Emily who was sitting next to her and just shrugged her shoulders, "So, you saw them arguing, what's so suspicious about that?"

"No, it was the way that they argued... like they were familiar with each other. This definitely wasn't the first time they met." Hanna's eyes flicked to Aria when she spoke, but their eyes connected and she quickly looked down in embarrassment and shame. Hanna had done so well to hide all of her weaknesses, and whilst she would never be able to look Spencer in the eyes again because of everything she knew, Aria was being added to the list. At the thought of Alison's husband being the one to have tortured her, she kept her eyes cast down and held onto Henry a little tighter, causing his little head to tilt up to look at her with a huge grin on his face. She just smiled back down at him, and nudged their noses together, ignoring what was going on around them for just a moment, "... I did and it's awful. He had her strapped down on the bed like an animal."

She gulped, trying not to think of Ali in that way – they had all been through so much, Hanna was certain that each of them were cursed in their way. Finally, she spoke, looking away from her son when she did because the thought of him seeing any form of pain in her eyes, broke her heart. "If it is Elliott, he's capable of doing a lot more than that."

"Yeah, well... we need to get away from him." Hanna glanced at Emily and wondered, for just a moment, if she held some resentment towards her for putting Alison in danger in the way she had. Hanna hadn't been involved in the decision but she was the one who had gotten herself kidnapped, and thus, exposed the fact that Alison had murdered her own sister. Or cousin. Or whatever the hell she was.

"How? She's his patient and his wife."

Finally, she dared to look Spencer's and Aria's way and bit down on her lip, "We go to Welby, we talk to someone in charge and we tell them what's going on." It was the only decision she had reached, they needed to talk to someone who wasn't as corrupt as they suspected Elliott was. "Just give me a moment to get Henry dressed and fed and then we can set off," She mumbled, before she stood up and turned around when Emily spoke to Aria, "What is it?"

Aria had a lost look on her face, as though she as caught up in a memory before she spoke, "I just keep thinking about the night that Alison and Elliott came to my house, when they asked me to marry them... they seemed so in love." Hanna gave the other woman a small, sad smile, "A lot of people can pretend to be something they're not..." The look on Spencer's face was enough for Hanna to quickly turn away and move back towards her own bedroom, mentally preparing herself for the day ahead, as she had to do every single morning. It had gotten worse since she had escaped her second kidnapping; for the past two years, she had to force herself out of bed every single morning, with a list of things to do and reasons why she needed to remove the covers and drag her body from the bed. Henry was always the top of the list, and usually, the only thing on that list. Somehow, getting Alison released from the grasp of her suspected torturer, gave her the drive she needed.

It was just an hour later when she found herself standing outside the door of Spencer's barn, biting down on her lip before she looked back at the car where Aria and Emily were waiting for her. Her eyes closed, and slowly, she reached out her hand to knock on the door. It only took a few seconds for him to come to the door, a smile on his face when he realised who it was. Henry was in her arms, in a world of his own as he held onto her necklace. "I didn't know who else..." She started, as her cheeks turned a slight shade of red when she looked from Caleb to Henry, "We're on our way to Welby, we're going to try and get Alison out before... anything else can happen to her and... I don't want him in a place like that. You don't have to, I know it's probably hard, I'm sorry... I just... my mom is at work and I don't..."

Caleb quickly shook his head and lifted Henry from her arms and then took the bag from her shoulders without a seconds hesitation, "Be careful, Hanna..." He spoke, leaning forward as though he was going to press his lips to hers, before he changed his mind and pressed them against her forehead, frowning when she flinched from the slightest touch. "By the time you come back, this little guy will know everything there is to know about computers."

For a moment, Hanna watched the way Caleb was with Henry, her blue eyes brimming with tears as she watched how comfortable her son already was with the man. Caleb's arms were wrapped around him and Henry rested his head on the man's shoulder, his tiny hand resting on his chest - it was everything Hanna had ever wanted and so much more. Only, Henry wasn't Caleb's, and just the thought was enough to break her heart. "T-thank you," She managed to get out, running her fingers over her son's head before she whispered a goodbye to the two of them, convincing herself not to turn around to look at the family she could have had once upon a time, as she ran back to the car.

Standing in the queue in the coffee shop, Hanna couldn't help but wonder why they were wasting even more time. Time that could be spent getting Alison as far away from Elliott as they possibly could – just the thought of her being in the same danger Hanna had been made her feel sick. Her and Alison had never been the best of friends, not in the end, but she cared and she never wanted to see another person in pain. She distracted herself, pretending to look down at her phone, the thought of being in a crowded place causing the panic to rise in her chest, that she tried to cover up as best she could. "Hanna?" She barely heard Aria calling her name, until her hand as on her shoulder and she jumped, her eyes wide and panicked until she realised where she was. Quickly, she tucked her phone back into her bag and bit down on her lip, "You okay?"

Hanna hated that question more than any other, because she never knew how to answer it. Most of the time she would fake a smile and tell the person that she was absolutely fine, because that was what they wanted to hear. If she were to answer the question truthfully, she dreaded the thought of anyone knowing exactly how she felt – she could go into how much pain she was in, how she hated herself, hated her life, longed to be anywhere else, and anyone else. How the only reason she forced herself out of bed every single morning was because she was a mother, although sometimes she wondered if Henry would be better off without her. What kind of life would he have growing up with a severely depressed, suicidal, traumatised mother? Instead, she settled on the subtle honesty that she hoped would mean Aria would leave the question alone, "Please, don't ask me that."

"Look, I don't wanna push-" Hanna quickly cut that sentence off before Aria could finish, "And I appreciate that." Her tone as bitter, in the hopes that her best friend would just get the hint and leave it alone. Instead, Aria got a little closer to her, and whispered in her ear, "We were all in the dollhouse, Hanna, I know what you're going through."

At that, she wanted to laugh out loud. The dollhouse had been terrifying, they had been there for longer but it had purely been psychological torture, the kind of torture that left her jumpy, curled up in a closet for her own safety in the fear that someone was going to come after her. But that place, in the middle of the woods, it was a different kind of pain, something she would never be able to describe, not to anyone who had never been through it with her, "It's not the same." She ran her fingers through her hair, and took a deep breath, before she glanced down at her shaking hands with a frown. "Um, can you just order me a latte, I'll be outside." She didn't wait for her friends answer, as she just quickly rushed out of there, not able to stand the crushing feeling of the crowded place any longer. She was terrified all the time, it felt as though someone had rested a large rock on her chest and she just needed to feel the fresh air on her face and most of all, be as far from Aria as she possibly could.

Hanna still didn't know how she managed to conjure up the fake confidence that she emitted at Welby – she could stand there with her arms folded, informing the doctor standing in front of her of the lengths they would go to in order to protect their best friend. He seemed to take them seriously enough, but Hanna was too caught up in her thoughts as they walked down the hallways of the hospital. Her eyes glanced at the rooms they passed, at the people that walked in silence, and the odd screams they could hear in the distance. Somehow, she managed to hide the fact that she was truly thinking about how well she would fit into such a place, how she would have ended up there had it not been for her son. She loved him, she would give him the entire world if she could have but he would never have any idea of the life he had saved her from. It wasn't until her eyes met with Elliott's for the first time that she realised it was him, and it took every last piece of strength within her not to collapse right then. She knew it was him, but she couldn't prove it.

The blonde found herself lost in her own thoughts as she sat at the table; her best friends argued around her and her hands fell into her head. Her fingers gripped at her hair and she closed her eyes, wishing she could be anywhere other than where she was right then. Elliott was the one who had hurt her, she was absolutely certain of that – she had seen the look in his eyes and she wondered how it would feel if she saw her rapist. She had searched for his face for such a long time in the crowd of New York, but she had never been able to see the face of the man who had haunted her nightmares for so long. Would she feel the same way as she had when she had seen that look in his eyes? His eyes held such darkness, but also a smugness she would never be able to forget. Is that how her rapist felt, too? As though he had won and she had lost?

She quickly shook those thoughts off before she broke down in front of the people who had no real idea of how she felt. Spencer's raised voice was enough to make her look up and snap her out of it for just a second, as she shook her head, "Whether or not she did it... she doesn't deserve to be tortured." Her voice was quiet, and a silent tear fell down her face – whether or not she had been a bad girlfriend, whether or not her dress had been a little too short that day, whether or not she had been walking without paying attention to the time or the people around her, she hadn't deserved to be raped. That was the first time she had allowed herself to think about it; she had herself and only herself for everything that had happened that day and the events that followed. But she hadn't deserved it and Alison didn't deserve what Elliott was putting her through right then. No one did.

Spencer's hand moved to hers but she quickly flinched away and turned her head from her friends; Spencer may have known but Aria and Emily didn't, and she didn't want them to find out soon. At least, not in this way and not because of what he had done to her. The others went back to plotting and Hanna dug her nails into her thigh as she waited for it all to be over. They had to save their friend, they had to stop her from going through much more than she already had.

Hanna didn't say another word until she was leaning up against Aria's car outside of Alison's house, staring up at the place, wondering what kind of danger they had just allowed Aria to walk into. They were desperate though, and if whatever their friend could find could expose Elliott for what he was. Spencer was the one to break the silence, "Caleb told me about what happened with you two at the Lost Woods."

She bit down on her lip and glanced at her best friend, trying to see if there was any sadness in her eyes, but instead, there was a slight sense of hope. Whatever feelings Spencer had once had for her ex-boyfriend, Hanna had seen that disappear the moment Hanna had told her the truth of their break up. Their friendship meant so much to them, much more than any kind of feelings they could have had towards someone who could ruin the kind of friendship they had. She gulped and shifted uncomfortably, "It was a mistake," She whispered, running her fingers through her hair.

Spencer gave her a small smile, "Was it?" She asked, as her brow raised and Hanna just shrugged her shoulders, not sure how she could reply. She had never thought of Caleb as a mistake, she could remember telling them that Caleb was the most un-mistake thing in her life but now... she wasn't so sure. Perhaps he wasn't the mistake, but she was, and everything she was going through was. He would regret it, and she knew that because there was so much more than what he could see on the surface. He would have to be there to comfort her when she woke up screaming from the latest nightmare, he would have to put up with her forgetting where she was sometimes, at her flinching from his touch. He'd have to cope with the panic attacks, with the therapy sessions she sometimes refused to attend, at the worry that she wasn't a good enough mother to the son who could grow up to be just like his father.

"You need to stop lying to yourself, Hanna... he wants to be there for you, he wants to try... and I think you do as well. You just..." She was stopped by Elliott pulling up, and both of them quickly walked over to his car, even though everything in Hanna told her to run as fast and as far as she possibly could from this man. Her body hid slightly behind Spencer's, and she folded her arms in an attempt to protect herself. His eyes were cold, there was the slight smirk on his face that terrified her, leaving her paralysed as she just watched the exchange between Spencer and Elliott. When he looked at her, she looked away, not wanting to look into the eyes of the person who had tortured her. She could remember him screaming at her, she could remember the accusations, the freezing water, the weapon of choice. She could remember it all and she could feel her legs shaking beneath her. He had hurt her, it was the first time she had gotten to look into the eyes of someone who had physically hurt her and it scared her beyond anything she could put into words. He spoke of a promise, but she knew it was an unveiled threat before he walked into the house he didn't belong in. She couldn't believe Alison had fallen in love with him, that the woman hadn't seen him for what he truly was.

When they were sat at Spencer's house half an hour later, Hanna just kept her eyes on the laptop screen in front of her, "I never should have agreed to marry them." Aria spoke, and Hanna just shrugged her shoulders in response, "Ali never should have agreed to marry him. I mean, they only dated for one week."

"We know nothing about him."

"Yeah, well, apparently neither did she." The blonde mumbled, her eyes glancing out of the window, towards Spencer's barn. She had checked in on Caleb and her son when they had arrived, only to stop short when neither of them noticed she had walked in. They had been laying on the bed, Henry was fast asleep with his head resting on Caleb's chest and his little hand gripped around his shirt and Caleb's eyes were closed, with his arm wrapped protectively around the little boy. He had the book Hanna had put in Henry's baby bag in one hand, slowly dropping off the bed and it was everything Hanna had hoped for once, and so much more. It was the sight she should have been able to have, Caleb should have had the chance to be a father, they should have had the chance to be a family and Henry should have had the chance to think someone so good, so amazing was his father. How was she ever going to tell him who his biological father was?

"Even if we find his family, I doubt they'll talk to us." She decided to pipe up, not sure where chasing up this particular lead was going to get them. Going to Amish county was the last thing she wanted to do, but of course, when she looked at Spencer, she realised just how far from Rosewood she wanted to go. And if it was just an hour away chasing up another dead end, then she would just have to take that opportunity. "I'll drive." She announced, taking the keys from Aria when she stood up, glancing at Spencer one more time, "Can you... check on those two in about half an hour? They were napping but... I don't know if Caleb knows how to heat up a bottle to the correct temperature and I put some baby food in there as well but..." Spencer let out a laugh and waved her best friend off, not taking her eyes from the screen in front of her, "Half an hour, got it."

Of course, leaving Rosewood meant being alone with Aria for an extended period of time and she could still see the concern that laid in those dark eyes. She just listened when she spoke about Ezra, how she had missed having him in his life, and Hanna's thoughts went straight to Caleb. She had missed him more than she thought possible, she had held those kind of thoughts back for two years because it caused too much pain when she thought of everything she had lost. "Aria..." The conversation had changed, the brunette had asked her about Caleb and Hanna was sure that was the second to last thing she wanted to talk about right then. "Stop, please... just stop."

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to help." She knew that, she knew that everyone just wanted to help her but none of them could have any real clue about what she was going through and how she felt. "Well you're not, I just want to forget the hell that I went through, not relive it. I don't want to talk about what happened, I don't want to even think about, so please... just drop it." Quickly, she put her seatbelt on, starting the engine as she took a deep breath, "If I do, I'll never stop crying."

The silence that followed was a relief, Hanna just wanted to get the entire day over and done with – she wanted to hold her son. She pushed back the thoughts of how what she really had wanted was to be on that bed with Caleb and Henry, she wanted his arm to be wrapped around her, she wanted his lips to press against her head, she wanted to be snuggled with her son and the person she loved but she couldn't. Her reality was different and it broke her heart to even think about as her grip tightened on the wheel. She couldn't wait for the day to be over, so she could forget all about internal conflict that ran through her.

Hanna didn't say another word until they were walking away from another dead end, as she had suspected she would. At least she was facing disappointment away from Rosewood this time, "Well, that was a waste of time." She voiced what she was thinking as they walked through a wooded area back to the car so she could get back to her son. She just shrugged when Aria snapped, digging her hands into her pockets as she bit down on her lip, "How was I supposed to know they wouldn't give us any information?"

"The day is almost over and we're no closer to figuring out how to help Ali." She turned when she heard the sound of leaves crunching behind them, her heart thumping and her breathing shallow until she saw it was just a little Amish girl. She was always so tense, and she wondered if there would ever be a time she would be able to walk down the street in complete comfort, knowing that she would be able to make it with no danger of anything more happening to her – honestly, she thought, at this point, could there be anything else? Aria spoke again, pointing towards a large building, and Hanna was broken from her thoughts as she sighed and followed the other woman in. She really wanted to leave, there was no point in them hanging around any further, no one was going to tell them anything about Elliott and what kind of person he was. She paused for just a moment, her eyes following the same little girl who had been following them just seconds before, and she had no idea why, but she moved to follow her instead of Aria. There was that smile on her face that she always used when she was speaking to kids, and a tone of voice Spencer had once referred to as motherly, "Hi, what's your name?"

She looked scared, "I'm not supposed to talk to the English." Her voice was low, and Hanna looked around, nerves apparent on her face. She wanted to find out some information but not at the expense of scaring a child, especially not when she was a mother herself. "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to get you into trouble." Hanna smiled, and just as she went to turn away, the girl spoke again - "You're pretty."

She stopped, and turned back to her, "Thanks, so are you..." She opened her mouth once again to say something else, before Aria walked in and she finally got the name of the little girl she had been speaking to. It turned out Aria had only succeeded in finding out another dead end – they were never going to find out the information they needed to go to the police, or to do something about the person who had tortured her. She was so certain it was him, there was no one else it could possibly be; she had seen the look in his eyes, she had looked into the eyes of the person who had hurt her and she could see it happening in the back of her own mind.

She wanted to run away as far from Amish county as she possibly could, she wanted to go back to Rosewood, take her son and run away. Not to New York, not to anywhere that A would know she would go but somewhere entirely different. As far away from Alison, Charlotte, Elliott, the man who haunted her nightmares every single night who she would still never have a name for. Despite what had happened to her in the middle of the woods, it was a relief to know the name of the person who had done it, she just needed to prove it. There was a curious look on the little girls face, and it was the only thing stopping Hanna from running right then, "Are you okay?" She asked, her heart stopping when she got an answer she didn't expect.

"You look like my dolls," _Dolls_ , it brought back memories of the dollhouse, of the way Charlotte referred to them, the way she looked at them. They had been her dolls and nothing more, that was all she had been to them and the more the girl spoke, she more she realised that even though Elliott and Alison had gotten Charlotte released – with a little help from her and her friends – that woman was not okay at all. If she hadn't died, Hanna had no idea what would have happened.

Her fingers moved over the dolls, Aria's face had paled, her eyes were wide and Hanna could feel her own heart thumping uncomfortably against her chest. There were tears welling in her own eyes, but she kept them back, "Did Elliott and Charlotte come here a lot?"

"They used to come all the time. She loved playing dolly with me. I saw them kissing once but I'm not supposed to tell." So that was what Elliott had invested in Charlotte, that was why he was after them. She had more questions than answers, which always seemed to be the theme – she never got the information she wanted and needed to be able to move on. Even when Charlotte had been arrested five years before, even when she had explained everything to them, Hanna still struggled to understand what _she_ had to do with all the pain the DiLaurentis family had inflicted on her. "Do you know when she's coming back?" The girl asked, with hope in her voice, and Hanna was glad when the calling of her name made her jump and pack all of her dolls back in the box they had been hidden in, her eyes wide with fear.

And then she was gone.

"How much better did Charlotte really get if she was still naming dolls after us?" Aria voiced what Hanna had been thinking, and she just shrugged her shoulders with a frown on her face, "I'm guessing not much." She mumbled, but how much better could someone who had been through as much as that woman had, ever get better? She was just relieved when they were told to leave, they had an answer at least, not the one they had come for but they at least discovered something they hadn't known before they got there. So, it wasn't as much of a waste of time as she had originally believed it to be. But her son was waiting for her, and she had another night of terrifying dreams to get through, stuck in the middle of never being able to move on from everything that had happened to her.

Aria spoke about the information they had just discovered, but Hanna was distracted. She stopped walking, breathing became harder, tears threatened to fall down her face, there was a weight crushing on her chest and she could hear her screams in the distance. It was happening right in front of her, her traumatic experiences were getting mixed up, as though her mind couldn't differentiate between the two unresolved experiences but she could see the weapon. She could see what had triggered her, she could feel it against her skin, she could hear herself screaming and begging for him to stop.

 _Her back slammed against the wall, her body was frozen, there was a knife against her throat and then it was gone. "Please, please stop..." She begged, sobbing before the cattle prod was brought down against her skin and she let out a scream as the pain radiated through her body. He was in front of her, his hand was against her thigh, his mouth covered hers, she could feel his rough stubble but then the masked man stood in front of her and the lips were gone. She screamed once again, until her knees collapsed beneath her and he stood over her; she could see the metal glinting in the moonlight that shone through the cracks and she shook her head, "Please, please don't..."_

"Hanna? What is it?"

 _She couldn't breathe; one minute the person in front of her was masked with the metal prod in his hand, the freezing cold water hit her half naked body and she was begging for him to stop and the next, he had been replaced by the man who had pulled her into the alley that fateful night in New York. His lips pressed to hers, his knife was replaced with the cattle prod she could feel against her skin, both men merging into one as she begged, screamed, cried and then froze._

"Hanna?" She could hear the panic in Aria's voice as the tears fell down her own pale cheeks, gulping back the sobs that truly wanted to follow. "T-that's what he used on me..." She finally whispered, her whole body shaking when the merged memories overtook every morsel in her body. "A cattle prod? Oh my god... H-Hanna?" She took a deep breath in a bid to calm herself down before she said something she was going to regret; too many people knew already. She couldn't go through the events of Henry's conception one more time with another person who would look at her with such complete pity, and then the guilt in the back of their eyes, that was what hurt the most. Hanna couldn't stand to see the look on another person face. "I'm so sorry..."

But Hanna shook it off quickly, she stopped the tears that were falling down her face and she looked away from the object that had held so many memories. Painful ones that she never wanted to feel again. "It's fine, I'm fine... Ali's the one who needs help now." Focusing on someone else was the only thing getting her through the day, and she needed her friends to be watching the other blonde's pain and not her own. It was too much to think about, she didn't need their eyes on her in addition to the careful eyes Caleb and Spencer kept on her.

"No, he's not going to get away with this. Elliott will pay for what he did to you." Hanna wondered if he actually would; he hadn't even hurt her in the worst way possible, and the man who had done that to her was never going to pay for what he did to her. Instead, she just gave a small nod of her head and walked off, fighting off the tears that she wouldn't allow to fall again until she was safely alone, and away from prying eyes.

Later that night, after they had explained the newly found information to the other girls, and Hanna had text Caleb telling him she would be by to pick up her son as soon as possible, wishing she could just get away from all the usual drama and be where she belonged. Leaving him with someone who was a stranger to him was the last thing she had wanted, but she tried to tell herself that she had to protect him and protecting him meant leaving him for just a little while until she could figure it all out. "She's right, it's all just speculation at this point." She put her phone down, in an attempt to take part in the conversation that was stressing her out increasingly more with every passing second.

"We have enough to get them to look into Elliott! They'll figure out the rest!" Emily argued, and Hanna just watched them all ping pong the same argument they seemed to have over and over again. Should they or shouldn't they tell the police? Did they even trust the police? Sure, Toby was good at his job now, but that didn't mean Rosewood PD had improved over the past five years; these were the same people who had thrown Hanna in jail with an accusation of murdering her friend. Hanna put her head in her hands and sighed, their voices were raised, her stress levels were rising along with theirs and she wondered if this awful day was ever going to be over. Finally, she stood up, "I'm starting to think it's a bad idea to go to the cops," She quickly said, before she could talk herself out of the words that she was sure her friends didn't want to her. When they questioned her, she just sighed, "Because if we do, we have to tell them that Mary and Elliott are after Alison because she killed Charlotte."

A resounding sigh of realisation filled the room when they all suddenly realised the impact going to to the police would have. Alison had murdered her own sister, or cousin, or whatever the hell she was. Further discussion on the matter had stopped when Emily thrust her phone in front of them and she bit down on her lip, her eyes watching the pin drop that appeared on the screen. The man who had tortured them wanted to lure them into a trap, she was so sure of her it, her palms were sweating, there was an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach that made her want to run to the bathroom to throw up. Before her mind could run away with her, a familiar looking text appeared and she realised it wasn't the man who had hurt her at all – SOS was their signal, it was how they all knew that they were needed by the person who had sent it. It was the kind of text they had sent as teenagers when they needed their best friends, which meant the person they were actually going to be following was Alison.

The danger Hanna had imagined herself in was just in her head, but the danger Alison was in was very, very real and she knew that no matter what she wanted right then, they had to do something. She wanted to wrap her arms around Henry and tell him that everything was going to be okay, she wanted Caleb to hold her even in just a brief hug, she wanted to curl up on her own bed all alone and sob for everything she had lost and all the pain she had gained. "She wants us to know that he's taking her somewhere." She heard the breathy sound of Emily's fear filled voice next to her and she nodded her head. She wasn't going to be seeing her son anytime soon, but at least she could do something good.

There were not enough words in the world that could express the regret Hanna would feel later that night at the choice she had made in driving. Being behind the wheel meant she didn't have to talk, she could feign concentration on the road and it would distract her from all the awful thoughts that swam through her mind. Her friends panicked voices surrounded her, but she kept her eyes on the road in front of her, ignoring the way her hands shook. She only listened to the directions they were giving her, her eyes sought out the car or the people they were looking for. It could all be over in a few minutes, because surely exposing the evil would mean he had no power over them.

"They're only half a mile ahead of us." That was the last thing Hanna had heart until she could see someone in the close distance, and then the familiar man who had hurt her appeared in the brightness of the car headlights. It was just a second of hesitation with her foot on the accelerator, just that moment of hesitation that would turn her from a victim to a murderer in just a few seconds. Her foot hit the brake, but it was too late, she could hear the thud of his body hitting the car and then her head hit the wheel before she was thrown back and her eyes met with the wide eyes of the man who had gone through the window of Lucas' car. "Oh my god," She heard from next her, the heavy breathing of her friends serving no distraction as she just stared ahead – blood dripped down her face and she wasn't sure if it was her own or if it was the blood of the man she had murdered.

"He's... he's dead." And Hanna was looking into the eyes of the man who had tortured her and she didn't feel an ounce of sadness that she had taken him from this world. There was guilt, there was shock and there was fear that she was going to go to jail and lose her son because she had committed a crime that would never be forgiven no matter what he had done to her. Even the dead man on the car right then had no clue of the psychological trauma he had intensified within her when he had taken her to that dark, cold place and screamed at her for information she didn't know. He was dead and she was alive, and Hanna had no idea how she felt about the fact she had just taken a life.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, I truly love reading every single one of them, so please don't hesitate to let me know what you think of this chapter! Here is the next one and I hope to have the next chapter to you very soon because my excitement for Hanna Marin going rogue is everything I wanted for this story and so much more!**

 **The usual spoiler alert for those who haven't seen season seven episode four and five and this is a disclaimer – I own the premise of this story but I do not own the characters and much of the speech is from the episodes of Pretty Little Liars.**

" _My skin crawled with knowledge, with the evil that I'd looked into, that had created me. I took long showers. Nothing helped. The dirt was on the inside." - Chevy Stevens_

"I don't know if I can live with this... I mean... how can we bury—" Emily sobbed as she covered the body they had just moved from the top of Lucas' car with dirt, "There has to be another way." Spencer looked up from the spot she had been digging at, a desperate, terrified look on her face, "There's no other way, Emily. It was a well thought out plan but when it ends up like this it's called first degree murder."

It was Aria's turn to talk, "Look, Spencer's right.. just come on..." Their eyes moved to the two blonde's, both of them staring into space as one of them remained in the same seat she had been in when she had finally hit the brakes and the other had sunk down to the floor next to where they had dropped the body when they had been dragging him from the hood of the car. "What are we gonna do with them?"

"She's in shock, it'll wear off." Emily mumbled, glancing up at the two for just a second before she focused on the task at hand. She wanted to get out of there as soon as she possibly could, and forget this night ever existed, they all did. Hanna hadn't moved since the moment it had happened, the hadn't cried, or said a single word, even when they had struggled with lifting Elliott from the car and dragging him a little further into the woods.

It wasn't until they were close to being done that Hanna somehow gathered the energy to move, moving out of the car slowly as she took a deep breath and focused on the three women in front of her. Slowly, she bent down and picked up the shovel that had been discarded, wondering for just a moment why Lucas even had shovels in the boot of his car before she focused on the desperate urge to cover up what she had done and what she was making her friends do. "Han, maybe you should go wait in the car with Alison..." She could hear the concern in their voices but it only made the guilt rise even further as she started to dig and shovel the dirt onto the almost covered body of the man who had tortured her. "Seriously, we got it, just go sit in the car."

"No, I need to help. Okay? Because if I don't do something..." She gulped, and just shook her head, her attention turning to the shovel as she bit down on her lip in an attempt to stop the tears that were slowly starting to build up. Aria stopped though, and glanced at her, "Hanna, if you want to, it's not too late to go to the police."

"Aria! We've been over this!" Hanna ignored the way her best friends argued, blanking out the way they spoke over each other, the desperation in their voices echoing through her mind as she continued to shovel the dirt onto the body she could no longer see, "What truth is that? The one where Hanna doesn't know the right pedal from the left?!" That was something that got her attention, causing her head to snap up so she could glare at the person who was meant to be her best friend. They had been through a hundred and one things together but she supposed her actually murdering someone and her friends having to help her cover it up would be the one thing to force them apart.

They went over the plan again, but Hanna blanked it out; she knew the plan, she had heard Spencer talk about it when this had first happened and she had just stared into the eyes of the man who had made her feel so weak and so vulnerable once more. She had thought about how she hoped she could do the same to the man who had made Henry possible, and then she wondered if that made her an evil, horrible person. She was too lost in her own thoughts and her own guilt to contribute anything to the conversation, even when it moved to Alison and how they were going to get her back to the mental hospital without anyone noticing. She wondered if she could just take Alison's place because she was one hundred percent certain she belonged there more than the other woman did.

She could sense the way in which they all stopped digging, their eyes all moving towards the second blonde who was moving towards them with that blank expression on her face, Hanna didn't stop until she saw Alison sink down to her knees, her hand moving beneath the dirt to grab something, "You're gonna need this." She mumbled, holding up the ID card in her hands as they all just stared at her, no one knowing what to say or what to do.

Hanna had no idea how much longer it had been before she was sat in the back of Rollins car along with her best friends, as Emily scrolled through the phone of the person who had been torturing them since they had gotten back to Rosewood. Hanna had barely spoken a word as her eyes focused on whatever was outside the window, before, for the first time, she thought about her son and she felt the panic beginning to raise in her chest. It was a crushing pressure she couldn't describe as her friends continued to argue and talk about the second part of their covering up a murder plan that she was so sure wasn't going to work. What was going to happen to Henry now that his father was a rapist and his mother was a murderer? What kind of life did her son have now? "Oh god," She whispered, not even aware that she had said it out loud as she pressed her hand to her chest and tried to focus on breathing, she had ruined Henry's life already and she had ruined the lives of every single person in that car and that made her feel sick to the stomach.

"Hanna? What's wrong?" She didn't deserve the gentle concern in Aria's voice, she kept telling herself as she resisted the urge to burst into tears as she bit down harshly on her bottom lip. "What do you mean, what's wrong? I mean... what are we doing? What... we're never going to get away with this..." It felt as though something was crushing her chest, she couldn't breathe, she was starting to feel a panic rise inside of her that she couldn't describe. She was a murderer and she wasn't the only one who was going to be punished for what she had done that night.

"Don't say that!" Emily looked behind her at the terrified woman and shook her head, "Who else is going to say it, Emily?" Her own voice raised in response, and she pressed her hand against her forehead, her eyes wide and her heart thumping harshly against her chest, her stomach twisting horrifically. When Emily spoke again, she almost wanted to burst out laughing and tears at the same time, "Nobody thinks of everything! Okay, I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail for... for..."

She couldn't think of the word, not until Aria gave it to her and to have an actual name for what she had done only served to make her want to burst into tears all over again, "Yeah, vehicular manslaughter. God, we're never going to be able to pull this off. I mean there are way too many things that could screw this up... we've probably already done fifty things wrong by now."

It seemed to be Spencer's turn to attempt to calm Hanna down but the only thing that stopped Hanna from talking was the sheer anger in the brunette's voice, "Hanna! Please stop, okay? You're not the only person who buried a body back there." Spencer was right, she may have been the one to run over the body of the person she hated but the other girls had covered it up for her, and she knew her panic attack was doing nothing to help with what they were going through as well. "Guys, if we just stay calm and stick to the plan, we'll be fine, okay? This is about containment and right now, everybody who knows about what we did is in this car." Hanna's eyes looked around at the four others in the car as she bit down on her bottom lip – containment was good in theory but she knew that it wasn't going to stay between them for much longer. Containment never worked for them no matter how they tried.

The moment they got back to Lucas' apartment, Hanna had not hesitated as she practically ran to the shower. She scrubbed at her skin, even when the blood was gone, before finally, she threw up the contents of her stomach and watched it mix with the blood that sank down the shower drain as she let out a broken sob. She had murdered someone and she had no idea how she was going to live with that going forward. She had no idea how long she had been in the shower before she finally stepped out, staring at her reflection in the mirror as she bit down on her lip. There was a large bruise on her forehead that she would never be able to explain, and a look in her eyes that she wasn't sure had been there before – that lost, guilt ridden look that she knew would never disappear. She had taken someone's life. Her fingers moved to run through her head, her eyes staring at the blood stained glass that had been tangled in her hair, her eyes widened before she threw it down the drain in fear and disgust. She was a murderer now.

When she finally gathered the courage she needed to walk out of the bathroom and into the next room where she knew her best friends were, with her arms wrapped around her body as she just watched Spencer on her hands and knees trying to clear up the dirt that they had covered Lucas' floor in. Aria had gone to pick up Henry from Caleb because Hanna hadn't been sure she could face the man and whilst she didn't know if she would be the best person for her son to be around, let alone bring him up, she just needed to be with her son. "How does it feel to be clean?" Emily asked her with a hopeful look on her face when she took in Hanna's appearance.

"I wouldn't know." Hanna whispered in response, her eyes meeting with Spencer's for just a second when the brunette gave her a look that expressed more than Emily would ever know – one that involved the fact that Hanna had no idea how it felt to be clean for a seriously long time, the blood of the man she had murdered only added to that. "Spencer, I could help you with that..." She finally glanced at her best friend who was still down on her hands and knees, staring down at the mess they had made.

"No, I got it." Came the short response and Hanna wished she could know why her friend was so pissed at her – it had been an accident, of that she was sure, or at least half sure. "Y-you're bleeding..." Spencer's eyes glanced to where Hanna had been looking and quickly shook her head with a frown on her face, "It's not mine." Just as Hanna opened her mouth to respond, the door opened, the only thing stopping it from fully opening was the clasp someone had thought to put on. Emily was in her bedroom, and Spencer had moved from the floor quickly whilst Hanna hid around the corner and closed her eyes, her heart thumping as she repeated to herself over and over again that she needed for it to be Aria and no one else.

Instead, the voice that echoed through the apartment filled her with dread, "Hanna? Hanna... please, I know you're in there..." His voice was desperate, concerned, panicked and everything inbetween – what had Aria told him? She closed her eyes even tighter and rested her head against the wall when she felt Spencer glance towards her. Caleb was there, and she doubted he would go away and she had no idea what Aria had said to him when she had gone to take the little boy he had been looking after for her whilst she went out and ran someone over. "Can you let me in, please? I need to talk to you, Hanna... please, I know something is wrong and I swear if you don't answer me now I will knock this door down."

That was enough to make her eyes open as she walked over to the door and pressed her hand up against it, still hidden behind it so he couldn't see what a mess she was, "I'm here, please don't..." She whispered, resting her head up against the cool wood of the door as the tears started to fall when she heard his sigh of relief. "Hanna? You need to let me in, I don't know what happened but... you have to tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that..." Quickly, she shook her head although he couldn't see her, the tears only falling faster and heavier than they had been before as her heart felt as though it was breaking all over again. "Please, Caleb..."

From the way he spoke, she knew he was crying, "Aria came to pick up Henry, she wouldn't tell me what happened... she's on her way here now and I know he's all you probably want and need right now but.. I'm here, Hanna. I'm so sorry for not being here before... I never should have left. I should have waited, I should have stayed and let you explain even if I wouldn't have liked the answer and I can't walk away now, Hanna, I can't... I need you to explain, even if I hate the answer, so please just talk to me."

Hanna's desperate eyes sought those of Spencer's who quickly stood up and walked to stand next to her with a sigh, "Caleb? I promise that Hanna will talk to you when she's ready but right now, we really need you to just back off, okay? I know it's hard and I know you don't want to repeat the same mistakes you did before but please, I am begging you, just walk away and let Hanna just have tonight to think things over and then you can talk, so please..." She pushed on the door gently, in the hopes he would get the hint as she looked at the sobbing girl next to her, practically feeling the way in which Hanna's heart seemed to be shattering into tiny pieces right then as she listened to the desperation in her ex-boyfriend's voice. It took a moment before the door clicked to a close and she could hear him walking down the hallway, after he let out a defeated sigh.

Even if she wanted nothing more in the world to curl up in bed with Henry and just apologise to him for every hardship she had given him. She was so sorry for the life she had given him, for the life he was going to have and for the parents he had been forced to have. He had come into the world with no choice, no options other than the traumatised woman who was meant to bring him up to be a happy, normal little boy who would find out when he was old enough that his biological father was a criminal, and so was his mother. And despite the guilt and the desperation she felt right then, she knew she had a murder to cover up and so, once again, she had to leave her son with Emily because Hanna had to do something that would stop the guilt of allowing her friends to cover everything up to protect her, from increasing.

That was how she found herself with shaking hands, walking through the dark woods so late at night with a torch in her hands and a pair of goggles on her head as they discussed whether or not Alison had murdered her sister and started this awful nightmare that had become their lives. "Are you sure we have everything?" She finally said to cut off the conversation that was only making her feel more uncomfortable with every second. "Yeah, accelerant, lighters, gloves, goggles... I think she's telling the truth. Besides, this isn't the same Alison we knew at fifteen."

"Yeah, I didn't think I was the same person either but look where we are." Her voice was getting irritate as she glanced around at the dark woods they had found themselves in, whilst they attempted to cover up a murder that should never have happened. She tuned out Aria's voice, shining her torch over to where she had put the car, only to find an empty space, "A-Aria... we're missing something." Her heart thumped uncomfortably and the panic attack she had tried to wave off before was returning, as she looked around in a blind attempt to find the car that was suddenly gone - "The car! Tell me this is a nightmare, oh my god... it's gone, tell me this..."

"No, it can't be gone, Hanna, we must be in the wrong place." Aria was too quick to shrug it off, but Hanna knew where she had placed the murder weapon, she knew exactly where she had put it just a few hours before and it was already gone. Her hands gripped at her hair as she turned in circles, before her hands finally settled on the tree she had put the weapon under with a strangled cry, "No, no, I remember covering it up and putting it by the tree-" She ignored the response she got, "No, I put it by this tree because it looked like one of those trees that one of those-those little men would live in." Aria continued to interrupt her, so sure that the car was elsewhere, but Hanna blanked her out as the panic truly settled into her terrified body. "You know, the little men with the ears and- Keebler elves!" Her head pressed up against the bark and she repeated to herself over and over again that she couldn't cry, not in front of Aria because she wasn't sure she would be able to stop, not this time, "Oh my god, I can't breathe. I can't breathe."

"It's got to be here somewhere, Hanna, we just hid it really, really well." No matter what the other woman said to her, nothing was having the calming effect she obviously thought it would. Each word only causing the panic to rise, "We lost the car! We lost the damn car, Aria!" She screamed, quickly turning around when her eyes settled on tyre tracks before she stumbled back, "Somebody knows what happened."

It took a few moments for that information to settle into both of the women as they stared at the tracks that showed them that the car had been driven away from the place Hanna had been so sure she had placed it. Finally, Aria was on the same panicked page that Hanna had been and she wasn't sure if that was only serving to increase her own terror or if it was a relief that she wasn't the only person who saw that on night one of covering up a murder, they had already failed. "We have to call Emily and Spencer, tell them we have to pull the plug on this whole thing."

"Wait, really? Are you sure?" Hanna wondered if the fact that they buried the body and attempted to cover it up would up the charges from vehicular manslaughter to downright murder. It made it all look planned, no one would understand that the entire events that followed her car hitting the body of the man who she was so sure had kidnapped and tortured her. "Well, when someone steals the car you're about to torch, the cover up is kind of uncovered." She snapped, before any further words between them was cut off by the blinding headlights of a car heading towards them – an extremely familiar car without the large, shattered glass hole in the wind-shield, without the blood that had once coated it. She had stopped in her tracks, not sure if she felt relief or fear when Mona stepped out of the car with a small smirk on her face, "Well, you two sure know how to ruin a surprise."

After that, everything seemed to move in a blur; the car looked perfect, as though nothing had ever happened and Hanna could only wish that she had dreamt the entire thing. Mona had driven them back to the now clean apartment and whilst Hanna felt an indescribable guilt running through her body when she held her son close to her chest as she, Mona and Aria discussed the man she had murdered. But as her lips pressed to his forehead, his tiny fist curled around the necklace she wore as he slept with his pacifier half in his mouth, she knew that everything she had done was to protect him and their tiny family and maybe one day, if she told him everything that had happened, maybe he could understand.

Luckily, Mona and Aria understood how exhausted she was and it didn't take much to convince them to leave so she could focus on the one person in her life who mattered to her the most. With the apartment quiet and empty, she slowly climbed into her bed and settled her son on her chest as he continued to sleep. Her hand moved to rub his back and she pressed her lips to his blonde hair over and over when the tears began to fall, "I wish I could explain everything to you," She whispered, "I wish I could be the kind of mother you deserve... I wish you had a father who deserved you because you are perfect. You are perfect in every single way and no matter what happens from now on, I need you to know that. You are loved and you are special, and when you're older, you're going to hear a lot of things about your biological father and what he did. Maybe you'll hear people question me about why I kept you, how I feel about you.. but I need you to remember that I love you. I love you more than anything in this world and everything I do is to protect you..." She smiled when his bright blue eyes opened, knowing she had woken him by her heaving chest as she sobbed and held him close. His tiny hand moved to her face and her heart burst with such love that she would never be able to put into words.

"If I don't get away with this," She whispered, pulling him to lay next to her so she could move onto her side to look at him and run her fingers up and down his back as he smiled at her through sleepy eyes, "I need you to know that you are the love of my life, and maybe I'll have to tell you that in supervised visits whilst I'm behind bars but you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You were my bright light in the darkness, you were my reason to be happy, the only thing that kept me breathing.. you gave me a reason to live when I couldn't find one. My beautiful baby boy... you are loved, maybe you'll hear a lot of things about me too in the future and maybe you'll be ashamed of me but... I just need you to know that despite what happens..." Her hand moved to his chest and she forced a tearful smile onto her face, "You are loved so, so much." She shifted further down onto the bed and pressed her forehead against his, and he nudged their noses together before his hand moved to rest on her neck when his eyes closed again and her fingers moved to run through his short, blonde hair as her own eyes started to close into an uneasy sleep.

The night had been a long one, for all of the girls, even more so when Emily found herself with her arm wrapped around her best friend as she helped her stumble into the Hastings household. The lights were still on in the Barn, which meant Caleb would still be awake and she wasn't sure she could deal with him and all his questions right now, not when she had a drunk Spencer to keep an eye on. She helped the other woman onto the bar stool as she set about busying herself by making some coffee, listening to the way Spencer slurred about all the plans they had made and whether Emily had carried them out or not once Hanna and Aria had gotten home that night. It didn't take long for her to snap as she gripped onto the mug of hot coffee and slammed it down in front of Spencer with a glare on her face, "How could you do this to yourself? How could you do this to us? This could have ruined everything!"

"I know," Spencer mumbled, staring down at the coffee in front of her as she swayed in her seat a little in an attempt to take her heels off. "Why would you go and lose control on the one night when you needed it the most?!"

She at least expected the brunette to snap at her back but instead, Spencer's voice was filled with sadness, self-pity and bitterness, feelings that Emily knew all too well, "You know, there were a few years when I really felt free... I didn't flinch anymore when I saw someone wearing a hoody or when I got a blocked call on my phone. I thought it's over, really over...I took a cooking class, I even let friends tag me in photos and now we're just right back where we started. It's worse now I have aiding and abetting to a murder in the mix... I'm just sorry, sorry I screwed up so badly."

"Don't worry about it, it's over. If it makes you feel any better, we're all there with you. Right back at the beginning." Spencer shook her head at Emily's response and brought the coffee to her lips before she set it back down, "It doesn't make me feel any better, nothing makes me feel any better anymore. Hanna murdered someone, Emily... and I don't think it was a complete accident." Emily opened her mouth to defend the blonde, fully believing that it was an accident but she was completely cut off when Spencer continued to talk, "She's broken, Emily and now she's even more broken and I don't know what to do. We already let her down and we're going to let her down again... I-I need to tell Caleb what happened, I need to tell him everything but she won't let him in. She won't-" Her eyes met with Emily's, her voice still slurring as she put her head in her hands, "She was raped and now she's a murderer and I'm sitting here moaning about how I was able to take a cooking class once and now my life is a mess but her life has been a mess for years..."

At those words, Emily turned around and stared out of the window, her hands shaking as she closed her eyes and tried to resist the urge to ask a thousand questions to the still rambling, still very drunk best friend. The announcement was unexpected, and it was one that made Emily want to run back to the apartment she shared with the blonde and force her to explain everything to her. Tears fell from her closed her eyes and she shook her head, "Just drink your coffee, Spencer..." She mumbled as she turned around and stared at the drunk woman who clearly had no idea of the secret she had just exposed to a perfectly sober Emily who had no idea what to do with the new information that was now repeating itself in her mind over and over again that made bile rise in her throat as she held back the sobs that so longed to break free. Suddenly everything was starting to fall into place and she hated herself for not seeing it sooner.

The idea to suffer through brunch the next day had been one they were all quickly regretting as their paranoia increased and the questions seemed to go unanswered whilst even more arose. Jenna Marshall was back in town and that only put them even more on edge than they had previously been, because her being there couldn't be a coincidence. Nothing was a coincidence in Rosewood, they all quickly learned that as the years passed and one disaster happened after the other. Once Spencer had made her excuse to leave the table, Hanna was quick to follow, muttering something to Aria about looking after the little boy who had been happily playing with his toes on his mother's lap. "Hey," She gave Spencer a small smile as she watched her pour herself a glass of orange juice, "Are you going to stay mad at me forever?"

She didn't miss the guilt or the confusion on the other woman's face as she shook her head, "I'm not mad, Hanna, I was just scared last night and I took it out on you. I'm not mad at you..." She trailed off and bit down on her lip, "I think you need to go see him, let us find the burner phone."

Hanna's face visibly paled and she looked down at the ground, not sure if she could face the man she loved right then for fear of what he was going to think of her, "W-what am I meant to tell him when he asks about last night?" Tears already filled her eyes at just the thought of having to tell him something else about her life that he had no clue about – why would he still love her after everything she had done and everything she had put him through? Spencer just gave her a small smile in return and rested her head on Hanna's shoulder before she looked back at the other girls, "Tell him the truth, Hanna... maybe they will be mad for a while but there are worse things in this world and you need him, and he needs you even if neither of you want to admit it. Just go, please." The blonde nodded her head in response and quickly wrapped her arms around the woman who held a guilt Hanna had no clue about, before she went back to her friends and lifted Henry up as she made her excuses to leave.

Hanna had been terrified the entire drive to the Hastings house, where she knew her ex-boyfriend was currently staying. Her hands shook and she kept glancing at her son wondering if he would ever forgive her for everything she had put him through because she was so certain that she was going to get caught. She felt sick just at the thought of telling Caleb the truth of what had happened the night before, maybe this would be too much for him, maybe he would leave her again and she really wouldn't blame him if he did. She never gave him enough of a reason to stay.

The conversation had been a difficult one, one that had ended with them both in tears as a silence fell over them. She told him what he needed to know – that they had gone to help Alison but instead, she had hit Elliott with the car and they had covered up what she had done. He didn't say a word as she explained why she couldn't let him in that night and why she had to leave Henry with him for as long as she had. "D-do you hate me?" She finally stuttered, when the story was over and he was just sitting in front of her with a look on his face she couldn't quite explain. His head shook quickly though and before she knew it, he was up and next to her with his arms wrapped around her and his lips pressed against her forehead. She felt his tears falling onto her hair as her own tears began to fall and she hid her face in his neck. Her fingers curled around his shirt and she let out a sob, "I'm so sorry..." She pulled back and looked at him, "I... Spencer was right... there was time to stop if I hadn't gotten the pedals mixed up."

Caleb shook his head once again and he pulled her back to hold her against him, pressing sloppy kisses against her forehead when the tears started to fall once more, "You got confused, Hanna, it could happen to anyone." He mumbled against her hair when he buried his face and just inhaled her scent, whilst his eyes fell to a close and he held her trembling figure against his body as tightly and as closely as he possibly could.

"I-I keep telling myself that it was an accident. A horrible accident but when I saw Rollins, I just... I-I remember being in a cold, dark room. So was I confused or... was I the least confused I've ever been in my life?" It was a thought she had yet to express to anybody but telling Caleb allowed all those feelings to come pouring out, all those true, heartfelt feelings could fall onto the ears of the man who somehow accepted her no matter what she and her friends had done or what they had been involved in. As he rubbed her back, he bit down on his lip, "Whatever happened, Hanna, what he did was unforgivable and I can't say I'm sorry that he's gone. You saved Alison from whatever he had in store for her and... we have no idea what else he was capable of. He was not a good person but you..." Finally, he pulled back and looked her in the eyes, "You are a good person, so whether you were confused or not, what happened that night doesn't change how good you are."

She took a deep breath and gave him a watery smile, before she nudged their noses together, their lips brushing together in an almost-kiss before a squeal from behind them distracted them both and she let out a nervous laugh before she walked past him and towards the little boy who was reaching out for her, before she picked him up and Caleb walked over to them, his hand resting on Hanna's back as his other hand reached out to take Henry's hand in his own with a grin on his own face, "No matter what Hanna, you're loved by so many people, none more than me and this little man here... please remember that." Hanna gave him a small smile as she rested her head against his shoulder and looked down at the little boy in her arms – maybe his mother was a murderer and his father was a rapist but he was loved by the people in his life who knew just how special he was.

"Let's just spend the day here, you've got Mona onto the burner phone, you need to relax." She wanted to protest, but when she looked at her son, and saw the adoring look in his eyes when he glanced at her and then at Caleb, she nodded her head as Caleb moved to wipe the drying tears from her cheeks before he led her to the couch, his eyes moving to the movie they had put on for Henry when Hanna had arrived the hour before. Henry was quick to move onto the man's lap after Hanna had put him down, and Hanna smiled as she moved to rest her head onto Caleb's shoulder when his arm wrapped around her. "He's never taken to anyone like he took to you..." She whispered, as she watched her son settle down with his eyes on the screen. The reminder of how different everything could have been as she watched her son and the man who should have been the father of any child she had, was enough to break her heart as she closed her eyes and hid her face in his shoulder when the tears started to fall once again. Caleb didn't say a word, his arm tightened around her a little tighter as he took a deep breath.

"Hanna?" She sniffed in response, so he continued, "I know you're confused right now and I know you've been through so much, things that I should have been there for but I'm here now, okay? Don't push me away, please? If you need anything – even if it's to take Henry for the day or a few days if you ever need to clear your head, I'll be here for that or if you need a shoulder to cry on... I'm not going to let you down again. Neither of you." Hanna wanted to protest, tell him that she truly believed it was her own fault – she should have told him, she could have told him when it happened or when he went to walk out but instead, she remained silent and held onto him a little tighter than she already had been. She breathed in his scent, felt his warm body beneath her fingertips and listened to the sound of his voice, and she knew that for the first time in so long, she was home.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I love each and every one of them as always! They all mean so much so please keep them coming! I actually want to get people's opinion on something – I am considering doing a short story (three to five chapters) on Hanna's pregnancy and the early days with Henry, but I was wondering if anyone would be interested in reading that? Let me know in the reviews!**

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing other than the general plot of this story, but the characters and some of the words from season seven, episode six belong to the creators of Pretty Little Liars.**

" _I was unable to recognise something that I would come up against time and time again. You could not be filled with hate and be beautiful. Like any girl, I wanted to be beautiful. But I was filled with hate. So how could I be both...?" - Alice Sebold_

Hanna sighed as she followed behind Spencer with Henry resting on her hip, trying to keep up with the brunette's quick pace as she spoke, "Will you just focus on living enemies instead of dead ones please?" She let out a sigh; they had spent the entire walk there from Spencer's house, where Hanna had spent the night just snuggled into Caleb's arms on the couch, talking about the fact that Hanna was convinced she hadn't committed murder after all.

As she rested Henry down on the chair, handing him his colouring book and crayons from his bag before she sat next to him. "What are you talking about?" Aria asked when the two had gotten situated, Hanna rested her hand on top of Henry's head as he sat there with his tongue out in concentration mode as he messily coloured in a picture of a dog. "Hanna thinks that Rollins could still be alive." For a moment, Hanna wondered what an eighteen month old could hear, what they could understand because the things they had discussed around him were things that no child should ever have to know. Her eyes glanced down at him for a second, but he was too engrossed in his colouring to acknowledge any of them.

"The Detective told Ali he saw a photo of Elliott Rollins in a rental car. Last time I checked, ghosts don't show up in photographs." She finally snapped, glaring at Spencer and then at the other two girls as she dared them to challenge her. Spencer's voice lowered and she leaned forward so only the other three would be able to hear, "We were all there that night, Hanna. The man is dead. You killed him and we buried him and now somebody knows so frankly, that's bad enough without having to go all 'Walking Dead'."

Hanna half-expected everyone to take Spencer's side on this but Emily, with those huge, sympathetic eyes that she kept shooting Hanna's way whenever Hanna glanced over at her, "She's right about the traffic cams, Spence, if there's a photo of him-"

Spencer was quick enough to jump in, trying to get them to see the facts instead of getting lost in Hanna's theory that Elliott Rollins was very much alive. "Yeah, that could have easily been manufactured. You find a Rollins look-a-like, and you stick him behind the wheel of a mid-sized sedan. The important thing is that A.D's fake..." She was cut off this time, by a waiter bringing over their coffee and a juice pack for Henry, and she muttered a thank you before they were gone and she could continue, "A.D's fake Rollins trail picks exactly where ours left off."

Aria took her coffee and sat up a little straighter when she mentioned Rollins partner, and Hanna busied herself taking the juice pack and handing it to the boy who finally looked up at his mother and her friends with a huge grin on his face. Despite the way in which he came into the world, Hanna felt her heart swell with an undeniable love every single time she saw that smile; he was beautiful in every single way possible, and she had no idea how she could have gotten so lucky to have such a perfect baby boy. Her eyes were lost in his for just a second as she poured the juice into his bottle and then handed it to him, running her fingers through his blonde hair. "You call that helping?" She scoffed, in response to Aria's comment about Jenna or Mary and what they were doing to make sure the Police didn't discover the fact that Elliott Rollins was indeed, very dead.

"A never does anything for free. Not test scores and definitely not a cover-up." The conversation quickly moved back to Jenna and what her intentions were, and if she was the person that was hell bent on torturing them now that Elliott was dead. Or maybe dead, Hanna corrected herself as she bit down on her bottom lip. She listened to them talk, but she barely paid attention as her son looked up at her with those adoring, trusting eyes, being the only person out of the closest people she knew, not to know all those awful things she had done.

When she heard murmurings, her head snapped up and she frowned when she saw Alison walking into the coffee place with a red jacket on – Hanna scrunched up her nose in confusion, she may not have been there when Caleb had handed over the evidence that would have (maybe) ended in her release from that place if she hadn't gotten out of there by herself. "Is that...?" She whispered, looking between all her friends as their faces paled and they nodded their head; none of them had wanted Ali to find out why Elliott had thought she had murdered Charlotte because they knew how hurt she would be. "Ali, where did you get that jacket?"

There was a look of anger that flashed over her features and the other blonde looked at her jacket and ran her fingers over it before her eyes bore into her friends, although she seemed to avoid Hanna's eyes as though she blamed everyone other than her. Then, Hanna supposed, she was the one person who had not been involved in the decision that had almost ended in Alison's death. "It was a gift from A.D."

The guilt that crossed all of their faces was obvious, but Alison didn't wait around long enough to hear any explanations from them before she stormed right back out of there. Spencer was the first to stand up, and Hanna nodded her head as she watched the brunette run, Emily moved as well but Hanna reached out her hand, "Let Spencer calm her down..."

The brunette was hot on her friends heels as she slammed the door to the Brew and grabbed the blonde. She felt guilty, of course she did but she knew their actions of that night were completely justified – Alison wasn't there, she had no idea what they had been through or the thoughts that had been running through their head when Hanna was gone and they thought Alison had been the reason why. "We had no choice, okay? A.D was going to kill Hanna, they wanted Charlotte's killer and we thought you were guilty!"

"Well you were wrong!"

"I know, I know that but you had already checked yourself into Welby and we all thought that Elliott was gonna be able to protect you." They had been wrong, so wrong, and she hated that they had even thought that in the first place but it had been a crazy twenty-four hours and they were desperate. Alison's response was like a stab to her heart, and she had to take a deep breath as she ran the words through her head, tears in her eyes before she could speak; "No, you thought Hanna's life was worth more than mine."

There was just a moments pause, as she collected her thoughts, "Hey, in case you forgot, Hanna just ran over the guy who really is to blame for all of this. We did everything we could to save you, Ali, just like we did everything we could to save Hanna..." There was that horrifying guilt once again, but this time aimed at the other blonde, the one who was a mother, who had been a victim long before they had arrived in Rosewood for the court case from hell. She wondered if they really had done everything they could to save Hanna, and as she thought about it, her eyes widened and she remembered what had happened a few nights before. She had told Emily what had happened to their friend, she had told her without Hanna's permission and suddenly, she felt as though she was going to be sick. Alison's phone ringing was a welcome distraction until she saw the look on her face and she knew she had to be there for her right then, and not for the terrifying thoughts that were running through her head. The more she thought about what she had said to Emily, the more she realised she was going to lose Hanna if she ever found out that she had broken that promise that had meant so much. Had she really done everything she could to save and protect Hanna? She gulped, and then moved to follow Ali, "I'm coming with you. I don't really care that you're pissed at us, I care that you're safe."

With Spencer and Alison gone, Hanna turned her attention to the other two who looked as though they had seen a ghost. It was the guilt, she knew that but she also knew that they couldn't change what they had done and what they had thought at the time – those twenty-four hours had been long for all of them in varying degrees. "We all should have followed her."

"She just needs some time, Em." Their faces paled, and their eyes widened when their phones alerted them to a new text at the same time and Hanna froze. Her hand hovered over her phone and she took a deep breath, not sure if she even wanted to look before she picked up her phone and saw the name with a relieved sigh, "It's Spencer."

Aria just gave a small nod of her head and she looked down at her own phone, "Oh, we've... we've really gotta stop group texting each other." The other two nodded their heads in agreement, because of the way their hearts dropped and the way they all felt so nauseated when they heard their phones going off at the same time, it was too hard. Sometimes, she seriously missed being alone. "She's going to Ali's house to keep an eye on Mary Drake." Hanna was starting to get tired of the circles they seemed to be going in – Jenna or Mary? Was it any of them?

Emily was the first of them to stand up and Hanna was just glad for the breather – she loved her friends but she was perpetually exhausted with everything that was going on. Plus, Emily kept looking at her in a strange way; as though she wanted to say something but she couldn't. Her mouth kept opening, and her eyes shone with tears, there was a frown on her face but still, she mentioned something about following Jenna and then off she went, giving Hanna the reminder that she still had the burner phone, another bitter reminder that she was carrying around a dead man's phone.

Once Aria was gone, Hanna busied herself, cleaning up Henry and then lifting him up, "Shall we go see Caleb? Maybe he can offer us some form of normality in all of this mess." She muttered against his head, pressing her lips against his hear and then closed her eyes as she just breathed him in. The short moment was disrupted, as everything good was in Rosewood, by the sound of a phone ringing that wasn't hers. Her eyes darted in confusion for just a moment before she remembered the other phone she was carrying around with her, the one Mona had found, "Next time you bury someone, make sure they're dead."

It was the voice that she repeated over and over in her head as her heart thumped uncomfortably – she had no idea why she found herself at Aria's first. Spencer would never believe her, Emily was treating her weirdly, and Caleb had so much to worry about, she had already put him through so much and still, there was this wedge between them that only seemed to be growing every single time she blinked and she got another call or another text from this new person.

And that was how she had found herself in Aria's house, panic stricken as she paced back and forth. She could barely breathe, and Henry, who had picked up on the sudden tension coming from his mother, had just cried himself to sleep moments before. "That voice may have sounded like Rollins but he's dead. He's really, truly dead." Aria was attempting to calm her down, to the point where Hanna was certain she had gone to the wrong person – but would anyone believe her? As far as they could see, she was just a murderer who didn't want to be a murderer. Eve if the man was evil, Hanna had blood on her hands that she couldn't get off and she wanted nothing more than for it to be a huge, horrible mistake.

"Yeah, we thought Ali was dead too, remember? And she survived! I mean, back in the nineteen hundreds they used to buy people alive all the time. They used to find scratch marks inside of the coffins..." Her breathing was heavy, she was going to throw up as she rested her hand on her forehead, trying her best not to burst into tears. He wasn't dead, he couldn't be dead, she didn't want him to be dead. Or did she?

"Hanna, seriously, you gotta stop reading Wikipedia. Jenna or Mary's trying to torment you by using a voice that sounds like his. They probably just want the burner phone back so they can protect their own identity." Aria was desperate for Hanna to believe her but when Hanna finally calmed down enough to stand still, her eyes met with Aria's chocolate coloured ones when the tears finally began to fall, "And what if you're wrong?" She whispered, her voice terrified when the reality truly settled in – at least if he was dead, then he was truly gone but this way, she was back to being scared once again.

Her voice shook and she wrapped her arms around herself, "You know what he did to me and that was before I ran into him with a car." Her eyes glanced over at the sleeping boy who was laying on the couch, his cheeks tear stained and his tiny fist curled around the blanket she had lovingly wrapped around him. His pacifier hung from his open mouth and as she stared him, she was suddenly more scared than she ever had been – she had something to lose that none of the other girls did. "We have to go to the police."

"What? Tell them that you got a call on a phone they don't even know exists. How are you gonna explain that?" The other woman was poking holes in the plans that were forming in her head and it wasn't helping the tension that was running through her body or the way her chest was tightening. She couldn't breathe, the air was warmer, there was something crushing her chest and she was close to bursting into tears, "I saw him. I saw his eyes and he saw mine. He knows it was me."

"Hanna, Elliott is not gonna hurt you anymore. He can't, okay?" Hanna didn't have the time to respond when her friends phone went off and, without glancing at either her or her son, she grabbed her bag and made a run for it. She had to tell the police everything, she had to end it all because she couldn't breathe. She needed to breathe.

Hanna had no idea how much time had passed as she sat on the steps to the police station, earning her some weird stares from the officers who passed her. Aria was quick to find her, holding her son in her arms and Hanna remembered that in her haste to get away from there, and to go to the building she was just sitting outside of, she had left her sleeping son alone with Aria. "Hanna, please tell me you didn't just..." She shook her head and then reached out her arms for the little boy who was awake; his eyes were red and he was clinging onto his blanket before he reached for his mother as his bottom lip trembled. He was emotional because she was and she hated what she was doing to him.

"Don't worry, I didn't go in. I wanted to but I've just been sitting here..." She held Henry close, rubbing his back as she hid her face in his head, just breathing in the perfect little boy who made everything feel a little better. With a sigh, Aria sat down next to her, mumbling something about Spencer believing Mary now and Hanna could only nod her head. If Mary was out of the frame, that left them with person if they were correct in their thinking but somehow, it didn't make her feel any better, "Wow, it's like we never left."

There was a silence between them and Hanna looked over at the teenagers across from them, sitting on the grass as they laughed and joked with each other. There was a small, sad smile on Hanna's face as she just watched them, before she broke the silence that had fallen between the two best friends, "Why couldn't we have been one of those people? I'm not saying their lives are perfect... but I don't need perfect. I'd settle for boring. Functional." There were tears in her eyes as she thought about it – she would give the world and so much more if she could turn back time and make Henry be Caleb's, she wanted their perfect, little family. They should be married, maybe even have another child on the way or plan for the next child, at least. They should be that boring nuclear family that everyone secretly judged behind their backs; that was the life she would have settled for but the life she was never able to have.

Aria just let out a small laugh, "You couldn't be boring even if you tried..." And then she trailed off before she took a deep breath and Hanna looked at her, knowing she had something more to say, "Ezra proposed." Of all the things, Hanna hadn't been expecting that, as her eyes glanced down at Aria's fingers, seeking out the signs of an engagement ring she must have missed before but instead, she found nothing, "You said no?"

"I said I have to think about it. I can't promise Ezra forever when my future could be spent behind bars. We killed someone Hanna, we can't just walk away from that and now A.D knows... Ezra wants a marriage, a wife, not conjugal visits." Hanna knew that was just one of the things that stopped her from being with Caleb – there was so much between them that was stopping her but that was something that played on her mind the most. What kind of relationship would it be if she spent it behind bars?

She wished she could heed her own advice when the words fell from her lips but there were so many differences, "Maybe that's not your decision to make. Maybe it's his." The blonde took a deep breath and watched as Henry fell asleep, his blue eyes closing and a gentle snore starting when his hand curled around the fabric of Hanna's shirt. "Did you tell Caleb?" Aria finally asked her as Hanna bit down on her lip and nodded her head, wiping at the tears that started to fall down her pale face.

"But it's not that easy... I-I was raped, and I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. In fact, I'd rather you say nothing about that because I don't think I'm ready to talk about it. People know now, most of the people I never wanted to know but... I'm still not ready to actually talk about it so please..." She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she tried to gather the courage to continue speaking, "Caleb and I are different, maybe we're meant to be but maybe we're not but so much has happened. So much I can't even begin to explain..." She trailed off and then moved to grab Aria's hand when she looked up at her, "But you and Ezra, that's a whole different story. Don't let this be how it ends."

Her best friend looked as though she was going to be sick and then her eyes moved to Henry – it was always the thing that Hanna feared the most. Sometimes, she wasn't sure that she cared what people thought of her or even what had happened but she did care about what they thought of Henry. Would they view him differently now they knew who his father was or rather, what his father was? "I just have one question," Aria whispered, as the tears fell down her face, "You didn't cheat on Caleb? You... Henry's father...?" Hanna nodded her head and looked down at her son, "Yeah but... Caleb didn't know. He didn't know until recently so, it's not his fault or anything... he just assumed I guess, everyone just assumed but... Henry is perfect, right? It doesn't matter..."

Aria gave her a small smile and she gulped back the lump in her throat, before she stood up and helped Hanna to stand, "Come on." She said, taking Hanna's hand in her own as they walked, "He's perfect, Hanna." She confirmed, looking down at the little boy who was fast asleep in his mothers arms as they walked away from the station.

It was later that night, Henry was with Caleb and Hanna sat down on the swing with one of her best friends next to her. The blonde took a swig of her beer and gently kicked her legs on the ground to swing, Spencer had been quieter than usual, there was a guilt in her eyes that Hanna wanted to ask about but instead, they seemed to swerve around it. They had just been sitting there, drinking for the past half an hour, making small talk. "I haven't told anyone about this but I had a dream about you... when I was in that place with A.D, I was so tired and so scared... I really wanted to give up. And then suddenly, there you are, you were all smart and preppy and ready to hatch an escape plan."

A tear fell down Spencer's face and she looked away from the blonde, "I really wish I could have been there. I wish I could have helped you." Hanna gave her a small smile and shook her head, "That's what I'm trying to tell you, Spence... you did help me. You and all you taught me over the years."

She stood up to throw her empty beer bottle into the trash can, freezing when Spencer spoke, "I told Emily you were raped." It explained so much but that didn't make Hanna feel any better as she looked down at her shaking hands and tried to take a deep breath. Her world was spinning, she felt as though she was going to throw up, she wanted to be anywhere other than where she was with Spencer right then. The tears fell before she could stop them and she covered her mouth to stop the sob from breaking through. She couldn't think of any words to say, she couldn't contemplate the anger, the fear, the hatred that ran through her body before a phone ringing cut her off and she scrambled towards her bag to grab the burner phone and held it up when she pressed answer, "First you turn her in and then you leave her alone. Stupid bitches."

Those words were the only thing that kept her grounded, stopped her from screaming at Spencer, from sobbing because she had planned how she was going to tell her best friend. She wanted Emily to hear it from her, she needed to make sure she didn't see Henry any differently, she needed to tell her that she didn't want to discuss it, that she just needed her to know and that she was sorry for not informing her sooner. She had it all planned from the moment she had unexpectedly announced it to Aria (who had sobbed for over ten minutes afterwards after making an excuse to go to the bathroom once they had gotten back to her house), because she didn't want Emily to feel as though she had told everyone else but her.

She was angry, but that was what drove her as she quickly dialled Alison's number and waited for her to answer, her hands shaking as she avoided eye contact with Spencer – once the blonde answered, Hanna took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. "Ali, thank god, where are you?" She could hear the confusion in the other woman's voice when she answered them, "Are the police still outside your house?" The panicked conversation continued as Hanna grabbed her bag and pushed past Spencer without so much as a glance in her direction, "No, he as in Elliott Rollins. The same guy who put a muzzle over you and fed you crazy pills. He crawled out of his own damn grave and he's coming for you!" She thrust the phone in Spencer's general direction before she ran to the car and started the engine, contemplating driving off without Spencer for a moment before she sighed.

Whilst her mind was focused on Alison, the drive there was going to be painful unless one of them mentioned the rather obvious elephant in the car. "Why the fuck would you do that to me?" She snapped as she gripped onto the wheel a little tighter, slamming her foot down on the accelerator, "It wasn't your place to tell Emily, you had absolutely no right to tell her."

Spencer's head was in her hands, she was sobbing, she was guilty but Hanna didn't care. She needed the woman to know how she felt right then, she needed her to feel guilty because she was in the wrong. "I-I was drunk and it just came out, I don't even remember why... it just came out and I was so drunk, I hate myself, I hate myself for telling her..." Hanna thought for a moment about all the looks that Emily had been given her, the way she looked as though she wanted to say something but she never did. Her best friend knew she had been raped and she hadn't heard it from her. It was enough to make Hanna pull over right then, making a sharp turn before she quickly opened the car door and jumped out; she was meant to be focusing on Alison and getting to her before she got hurt but instead, she found herself on her knees on the side of the road, vomiting whatever she had eaten that day. The tears fell down her face and she could feel Spencer behind her, just hovering in silence before a hand was on her shoulder and she immediately tensed, "Back off," She whispered, her throat sore, her stomach empty and everything hurt, inside and out.

Once she had collected herself, she remembered where she had been rushing off to and suddenly, there was a guilt of her own that went rushing through her body. She scrambled up, pushing Spencer back when the other woman tried to help her before she got back into the car and, once Spencer was back in the car and the awkward silence ensued once more as she drove quickly towards Alison's house. She had no idea how long it had taken her, but by the time they had arrived at the DiLaurentis household, there were numerous police cars outside and her panic increased. She ran out of the car, barely remembering to turn off the engine, as the two women ran inside the house and called out for their friend.

The tears only fell the moment she saw the blonde and she moved quickly to wrap her arms around her, resting her head on her shoulder as she closed her eyes to the mess that her friend was, and the mess that was in the room. Her hands shook, but she held onto Ali a little tighter in an attempt to cover up what a mess she truly was, as Alison explained what had happened. With each word, Hanna found herself pulling back a little more and she bit down on her lip, finally taking in the room that Ali had just been attacked in - "He's really back, isn't he?"

Despite how much she didn't want to be around Spencer, she knew it was her only option as she found herself walking in the woods, her shaking hand holding up the torch as she kept glancing around her in a panicked haze. She thought she had murdered him, she could finally say goodbye to one monster and she was back to just the one. But now there was two of them again, and she couldn't believe what a mess everything was. What a mess she was. She gulped and looked around when they heard a noise; she had barely spoken a word to Spencer but she had warned her that she just needed to be angry for a little while. She needed to hate her best friend for as long as she possibly could because she had hurt her more than she could have imagined. It felt as though she had stabbed her in the back, she had trusted Spencer with a huge secret and that trust had been broken. But right then, they had something else to focus on. "This is it. This is the spot." Spencer finally announced, her torch shining down on the ground as they both took a deep breath. This was the place they had buried someone but yet, it looked exactly the same as it had done when they had left it.

Hanna wasn't sure how she felt; she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. If he was dead, then she was relatively safe and she had banished one demon from her memories and was left with just the one person who somehow managed to suffocate her every single night. But if he was dead, then she would be a murderer and how was she meant to live with that? But then, if he was alive, then she was in danger, real danger. He knew she had been the one to hit him with a car, he had seen her eyes, he knew it was her and she wasn't going to be safe if he was alive. If he was alive, then she would have to be looking over her shoulder until he made his move. "I guess he could have crawled out and covered the hole back up."

"Well, there's only one way to know for sure." She nodded her head and dropped the torch to the ground, grabbing the shovel instead as they focused on digging up the body. There was this awkward tension between them, but Hanna knew they had to push it aside for the sake of finding out whether Hanna had blood on her hands or not. "I don't remember digging this much before."

"That's because you didn't... you were in shock." After a pause, the brunette looked up at the other woman as she bit down on her lip, "I don't know, maybe you're right, maybe he's not here..." Hanna was truly starting to believe that until her shovel hit something hard with a thud and her heart thumped against her chest before she dropped down to her knees and started to dig with her hands. And there he was, his pale, very dead face staring up at her and there it was – she was a murderer and there was someone else after them. Hanna had no idea what reality she would have preferred.

The ride back home was in silence, Hanna's hands shook and she just stared out of the window. Neither of them spoke, neither of them even glanced at each other on the entire ride back to Spencer's house – they had just dug up a body and then re-covered it as fast as they possibly could. The way he looked and the way he smelt was something she would never be able to forget; he had been in that grave because of something she had done and she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to move on from that fact.

It seemed as though she, Caleb and Henry had taken over the barn and she felt awful, but Spencer insisted that she was absolutely fine in the house by herself. Her parents were still away and Melissa had gone back to London, but that meant Spencer had a huge house to herself when the barn actually belonged to her. She shook that thought off the moment she opened the door to the place her son and her... Caleb would be waiting for her, smiling when she saw him on the couch as he pretended to read a book. "You're back," He took in the way she looked and then looked behind him at Spencer who looked just as exhausted as the blonde did; she mouthed 'he's really dead' to him before she gave him a sad smile and walked away, leaving the two alone as Hanna quickly wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. She tried not to burst into tears when she felt his arms wrapping tightly around her and his lips pressed to her head. He didn't have to say anything, as he just pulled back and took her hand, leading her towards the bedroom where her sleeping baby boy was waiting for her.

Hanna didn't trust herself to speak, but the tears fell and Caleb helped her get changed into one of his shirts, she didn't want to talk, she didn't want to discuss what was going through her head or how she felt. It was all a jumbled mess and luckily, he wasn't the kind of person who would push her into anything that was going to make her feel uncomfortable, or break her more than she already was. The blonde felt sick, exhausted, she hated herself for murdering someone and she hated herself for still fighting off the person who had attacked her two years ago, and then she hated Spencer for drunkenly announcing to Emily that Hanna had been attacked all those years ago. It had been a hard day, but she was finally letting those walls fall down with Caleb. Slowly, he moved towards the bed with her and she closed her eyes the moment her head hit the pillow. His arms wrapped around her from behind and she rested a pillow on the other side of Henry to make sure he couldn't go anywhere before her hand settled on his little chest and she could feel the way it rose and fell beneath her fingertips. For all the bad things in the world, knowing that she had Caleb and Henry in her life was enough to keep her grounded.

"Hanna?" His voice broke her thoughts and she bit down on her lip, waiting for him to continue, "I love you." He whispered in her ear and gently pressed a kiss to the back of her neck before he snuggled into her a little more. And for the first time, as tears fell down her face, Hanna realised that that stranger from all those years ago could take everything from her and Elliott, or A.D could try and do the same but they couldn't take that. She was loved, and she loved, and nobody could steal that. Not even the people who had tried to break her.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Sorry for the wait, things have been crazy lately but I have the house to myself this weekend so expect plenty of updates throughout all of my stories! Please review as each one means so much to me.**

" _I'd still thought that everything I thought about that night – the shame, the fear – would fade in time. But that hadn't happened. Instead, the things that I remembered, these little details, seemed to grow stronger, to the point where I could feel their weight in my chest. Nothing, however stuck with me more than the memory of stepping into that dark room and what I found there, and how the light then took that nightmare and made it real." - Sarah Dessen_

They were sitting around their usual table in the Radley Hotel, glasses of champagne and plates of barely touched food in front of them as they attempted to be as normal as they possibly could be. Sometimes, they could forget all the troubles, but then a wave would overcome each of them and they would be reminded of where they were and why they were there. As Spencer handed them each a box, Hanna bit down on her lip and ran her fingers over it before she slowly opened it up, revealing the necklace with her name on it. She noticed Spencer was wearing one around her own neck as well, and it was enough to make her smile a little and forget about her worries for just one second. It was a blissful second, as she listened to Spencer's words, gently bouncing her son on her lap as he handled the necklace she was holding.

"... after what happened to Ali..." Her eyes glanced over to the blonde, and then at the other blonde next to her, leaving those words unspoken as Hanna just gave her a small nod of her head – she had forgiven her, for the most part, but she and Emily still hadn't spoken about what she had found out, and until then, her fear of what her best friend had to say was holding her back. "I started thinking and we're like this crazy, dysfunctional family but... we work... together and I've just decided that I'm at a point in my life where I want to put the people who have had my back before anyone else."

Hanna lifted her own drink and offered the other woman a small smile, "I'm right there with you." She took a sip of the champagne and then kissed Henry's forehead when he let out a squeal and made a move to grab Emily's hand, only for Emily to flinch and move her hand away from the baby. Hanna ignored the way her heart shattered, and she caught the way Spencer glanced over at the short interaction before she pressed a bunch of kisses to the little boys cheek and gave him her hand to play with instead. The tension was only increased further when Alison picked up the bill they had been given, her face visibly paling before she read out the words Hanna had never wanted to hear, "Roses are red, violets are blue, you killed Elliott and I could have killed you."

The blonde took a deep breath, and held her son even closer as she looked around, "A.D knows that we killed him." Spencer said, and Hanna's heart thumped and she hid her face in her sons hair as she closed her eyes. This couldn't be happening. Her head snapped up when she heard the sound of a police radio, her entire body shaking, breathing suddenly becoming more difficult by the second. "Are they coming for us?" She whispered, and looked down at the little boy in her arms – was she about to be arrested in front of her son? What would happen to him? Would he remember this moment for the rest of his life?

She relaxed momentarily when the police moved past them and towards the elevator, "They're not here for us, so who are they here for?"They were all scared, terrified that they had been caught, they were going to spend the rest of their lives in jail for a murder Hanna had essentially committed. The thought was enough to make her feel sick and her hand moved to the necklace she had placed around her neck – would her friends hate her in the end?

Emily was quick to move, and Hanna had no idea if that was because she really wanted to find out what was happening or if she just wanted to get away from Henry and the event he was associated with. The rest of them watched on as Emily spoke to her colleagues, each of them slowly moving to stand up as Hanna balanced Henry on her hip and waited for the news. "It's Sara Harvey. She's dead." It was not the kind of news she was expecting, Sara Harvey had been high on their suspect list and now what were they left with?

After that, things seemed to move slowly, everyone was crowded around, there were police everywhere, people were murmuring about the girl who had once been a kidnap victim as far as they were concerned. The girls knew better though, she wasn't one of the 'bunker girls' like they were, she was so far from that. Her eyes moved towards the body bag that was being wheeled out of the elevator and she looked at her best friend, biting down on her bottom lip before she placed a hand on her arm, "Em, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sara said that Jenna wasn't the one we should be afraid of. I also saw a file on her desktop labelled Charlotte DiLaurentis." She muttered, as she moved away from the blonde and folded her arms, her eyes focused on the scene in front of her. Spencer stepped forward, "Well, something in there could link up to A.D. We need to steal that laptop."

After that, a plan was formed – secret whispers as the police were all over the hotel, and part of that plan included Hanna sneaking into Jenna's hotel room. They needed that laptop, Hanna needed that laptop because she needed the entire thing to be over. She wanted it to be over more than anything; so she could go back to her small apartment, in New York City and just be with her son. So much had happened since she had returned to Rosewood and some of it was because of Charlotte, much of it was because of what happened to Charlotte and other things were because of what happened to her. The fact that, despite being raped in New York, being back in Rosewood seemed to dredge everything else up. All of those feelings, the impossibility of hiding everything from her friends and most of all, hiding things from Caleb. It was too much.

The blonde moved slowly into the hotel room; Henry was safe with Aria and she was determined to get enough evidence to put an end to the nightmare they had found themselves in. She felt sick with determination, her hands shook and she dropped to her knees when she saw something beneath the bed, pulling the lock box out as she stared at it. The woman was so entirely focused on the task at hand, her fingers running over the lock as her mind ran a million miles of a minute of what potential evidence could be locked inside – maybe it was Jenna after all. She had no idea how she was meant to get into that box, until she glanced up and jumped back, her hand flying to her chest as she took a deep breath. She bit down harshly on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop the impending panic attack, tears in her eyes before she stared at the man who had walked into the room without her knowing. "C-Caleb, what are you doing here?"

His face was full of concern, but she could tell he was beating himself up as well for sneaking up on her like that. Hanna struggled with most forms of contact or interaction, especially after her most recent kidnapping, so she could see the guilt in his eyes because, more than anyone, he knew how she was. "Sorry, I'm..." He scratched the back of his head and frowned, shaking his head at himself, "I'm an idiot – I was... your mom hired me to beef up the hotel security and I saw you come in." He stepped a little closer to her as he sighed, "Look... I don't think what happened to Sara was an accident and I'm betting you don't either."

Her head shook in response, and she finally managed to calm herself down enough to move to a stand, "Em saw something on Jenna's laptop that can link back to A.D. It might explain what happened to Sara..." The man smirked and held out his hand, a hopeful look in his eyes before she took it, "I know a way we can get a key to the lock box but I'm going to need your help."

It was only half an hour later when she found herself standing outside the spa with Spencer, as she leaned up against the wall and sighed, "So, you couldn't find her laptop but you did find a lock box?" Their voices were low, there was just a wall between them and Jenna, and they didn't want her to catch onto everything they had meticulously – in the space of ten minutes - planned. "Yeah, it's big enough... the laptop could be in there or it could be something else." She murmured, running her fingers through her hair before the door opened and she turned around to take the key from a smirking Caleb, who looked beyond proud of himself.

Her eyes rolled in response and she looked behind him at Jenna, who was laying on the massage table, "You know, you can turn the lights on, she wouldn't know the difference." She gave him a smirk of her own, and she didn't miss the look exchanged between Spencer and Caleb when, for just a second, they saw a glimpse of the Hanna she had once been. The sarcastic, blunt and snarky version of herself that they all loved and missed. But as quickly as the words had left her mouth, she was back to the person they had grown to know and love, as she walked quickly back to the room they had only just left and Caleb sighed to close the door to the spa in an attempt to keep the woman distracted until the other two were done.

Spencer and Hanna moved into the room, quickly closing the door behind them, before she led her over to the bedroom, getting down on her knees to unlock the box, "No laptops, just papers." She was disappointed, but held them up as Spencer snapped photographs, and her eyes continued to move around the room in the hopes she would be able to find the piece of evidence they need to end the nightmare. There was a noise, enough to cause Hanna to freeze on the spot, whilst Spencer quickly packed everything away and yanked her arm as she hid under the bed. Hanna would have been caught if the brunette hadn't been with her, as her entire body had frozen, only to be forced under the bed by the other woman who quickly wrapped an arm around her. She managed to snap herself out of it enough to stare at the boots of whoever had just walked through the door, knowing Caleb would have made himself known by then, he would have learned his lesson from the last time and besides, he was the only thing keeping Jenna out of that room.

The lock box was pulled from beside them, a burnt file thrown on the floor before it was placed along with the other papers they had found. And then she saw his face, for the first time in years, Noel Kahn. Her grip tightened on her best friend, and her eyes closed, her body flinching when he kicked the table in anger. If he found them, she had no idea what would happen to them and for some reason, all she could think right then was that, him phoning the police would probably be the nicest option. It was hard to trust anyone after everything that had happened.

Somehow though, despite everything, she trusted Caleb. There was still a part of her that feared him walking out on her and Henry, although they weren't in a relationship, so would it really be walking out? Henry sat between the two of them on the couch in Lucas' apartment, his eyes focused on the television screen, pacifier in his mouth, as he clutched onto his favourite blanket and cuddly toy. When she spoke of A.D or A, or Charlotte, the kidnapping and sometimes, even the rape when he was in the vicinity, she wondered if maybe, he understood anything. If he would retain any of the information that had been spoken around him. The thought terrified her, even if she knew it was impossible – he was just a baby, his memories had yet to form (at least, she hoped).

She shook those thoughts off and took a deep breath, "Okay, you beautiful mind... what's that code mean?" She finally said, with a smile on her face as she looked at the man who was sat next to her with his eyes focused entirely on the pictures she and Spencer had taken earlier that day. "I don't know, I'm gonna need some extra caffeine to figure that out." He mumbled, before he let out a frustrated sigh.

"Well, this is like some kind of test for Mary, right?"

Caleb nodded his head, "Yeah, it's her DNA." She gulped, and busied herself as she pulled her son onto her lap when she saw his head starting to drop, and he was forcing himself to keep his eyes open. Caleb busied himself with his laptop as Hanna rocked Henry on her lap, running her fingers through his hair as she hushed him gently, until he finally gave into exhaustion, eventually. "Okay, so I recognise the pattern but I'm not familiar with this encryption."

The blonde moved a little closer to the man, before her eyes glanced down at her sleeping son, "Spencer told Emily about what happened and now she won't even look at me or Henry. He... he reached out for her today and she ignored him. She loved him so much before but now he's just the son of a rapist and this is exactly what I wanted to avoid, Caleb... I didn't want people thinking of him differently. I didn't want him to get hurt because of something that happened..." She trailed off, tears in her eyes as Caleb set his laptop to the side and turned towards them with a frown.

"She's probably just processing at the moment... Emily loves Henry, everyone does." His fingers moved to gently graze along the little boys cheek, his own eyes tearing up before he cleared his throat, "I'm so sorry for walking out on you before..." There were those words she had longed to hear since he had walked out of that door two years before but they still hurt more than she thought they would. He had apologised before, but there was something so real about that sentence, real enough for her to visualise the day he left her, a sobbing mess on the floor as she begged for him to come back. He was gone before she could tell him, and she wished she could have said those words so much sooner.

"It's hard, Hanna... hearing what you went through and seeing you with this baby that was... we all know what his father was and you know better than anyone and it's so hard to just accept but Emily doesn't blame him, none of us do and I shouldn't have just walked out. Your reaction wasn't normal, I wish you could have told me but the way you reacted, that wasn't the normal reaction to someone getting found out after they've cheated. I was so lost in my anger and my hatred for the... baby growing inside of you that wasn't mine, I couldn't see past that and I'm just sorry." Hanna sniffed, her eyes moving down to the little blonde baby who looked so much like her, she was thankful to genetics that allowed her to look into the eyes of her baby and not have to suffer even more by seeing the same eyes that had bore into her that night.

"It was just... difficult. Being so close to someone and then having to cut them out of your life completely. It was like losing a limb or something, a part of you." She finally said, trying to get out how she felt, even if the words barely made sense. She needed Caleb to know what he meant to her, how it felt to lose him. "A-are we still friends?" She finally asked, not missing the hurt that passed on his features before he cleared his throat and moved his fingers from Henry's cheek, before he forced a smile and picked his laptop back up, "Always."

Nothing good ever happens during the night in Rosewood, Hanna had very quickly decided. In fact, nothing good ever happened in the dark anywhere. Darkness brought out the evil, and whilst she knew that evil lurked whether in the day or the night, she still knew that the last thing they should be doing was walking in the middle of nowhere. She sighed as she heard the leaves crunching beneath their feet, the ground shining from their torches, this was so dangerous but somehow they always found themselves in the most dangerous of situations. "There's nothing here!" She finally announced, earning her an eye roll from Emily who quickly grabbed her arm and pointed it down, "Cellars are below ground, Hanna."

Somehow, it was the most normal interaction she had with her best friend since she had found on what happened, so the blonde just gave the other woman a small pout as she looked at the ground. "Guys!" She heard, causing her to look up and see what Spencer had found, focusing on the task at hand before she said what she was really thinking about the entire thing. Someone was after them, someone wanted to hurt them and yet, there they were, going to a dark, dingy cellar in the middle of nowhere. No one would be able to find them, at least not for a while.

Her nose scrunched up when they started to walk down the steps, and it became increasingly obvious that no one had been down there in so long, "What's that smell?" She lifted her hand to her nose, giving Spencer a smirk when the brunette spoke with that usual Hastings tone – a form of bitter sarcasm that never failed to give Hanna some sense of security. Spencer was there, and sometimes, that was as close to safe as she could get. "Yeah, if grandma died, was eaten by her cats and then found five days later."

"Dark much?" Spencer shrugged her shoulders and looked behind her at her best friends, "Well, it's just dark enough." She moved towards a file cabinet, yanking out one of the drawers as she shone the light on the names there, "Guys, look at this, Jessica had a file on each of us. She was investigating us." The blonde moved to her side quickly, Emily not too far behind her as they glanced down at the files that filled the drawer, "Yeah, all of us except Aria, she doesn't have a file." Her eyes scanned over the names she could see there, tempted to pick up her own but instead, the second drawer was opened along with a bunch of other secrets none of them wanted to be true.

Emily was staring down at the words in front of her, her eyes wide and her face pale before she glanced behind her at the only DiLaurentis in the room, "Mary had a second child." She finally announced, and it was with those words that the entire world seemed so much more terrifying than it had moments before. Charlotte had been one thing, she had thought of them as her dolls, as objects she wanted to play with but this person, they wanted revenge. A potential brother or sister of the woman who had put them through hell before. "Wait, a second what?" Her hands shook and she had to grip a little tighter onto her torch as she tried to focus – was there anything else that could happen to make her life any worse than it already was?

"Boy or girl?"

"All it says is no complications due to prior birth. The kid would have been our age by now." Hanna almost wanted to burst out laughing, Rosewood in itself was a huge joke being played on her and her friends and anyone who happened to be involved with them. Now, she had to learn that there was a twenty-three year old running around, related to Charlotte, who wanted revenge. She scoffed and looked behind her at the other blonde, "Well, that's great. Now you have another cousin who wants to kill us." She pushed past Alison, although she knew it wasn't her fault – she was as much of a victim as the rest of them when it came to A, super A, A.D or whoever the hell was after them next. She wondered how many A's there would be before it all came to an end.

Her eyes fell on the other wall, covered in newspaper clippings and photographs of all of the girls, Jessica had been stalking them for so long, it was terrifying to think that whilst Mona and Charlotte had been after them for all those years, the mother of their 'dead' best friend was after them as well. She barely listened as her friends spoke, her torch shining over some photographs of herself as she tried to remember where they were taken, what she had been doing, why she had never noticed. "The last memory I have of her is when she was burying me alive. She knew I got out. She never stopped searching." Alison whispered beside her and Hanna just shrugged her shoulders, "So, this was kind of like her lair."

Before anything else could be said or done about everything they had found, the sound of a car alarm going off in the background causing them all to turn around with their eyes wide. Hanna looked at the car with all four of the doors wide open and she felt her heart dropping, someone knew they were there, everything they did to try and find out who the hell was after them was just landing them in more and more trouble with every passing second. Her torch dropped to the ground and she covered her ears as she closed her eyes and Spencer ran over to the car she had parked there when they arrived; someone must have followed them, despite everything they had been through over the past few years, none of them were adept enough at identifying when they were being followed or watched. "The keys are gone, it won't shut off unless the keys are in there! Just... get inside and shut the doors, it'll shut up if you shut the doors!"

She could barely hear the sound of Spencer screaming above the loudness of the alarm but she followed the other two and jumped into the back of the car with a relief like nothing she could ever describe when the alarm finally stopped. It was just when her heart started to relax just a little, when she started to panic again. The doors locked and she could hear the panic of the people around her and it only served to make Hanna shake even more as she tried to open the door; since everything that had happened, she had an intense fear of being trapped and right then, she was completely and utterly trapped somewhere they would never be found. She let out a sob as she tried the door again, the tears falling down her face as she shook her head; she was there again, she was in that shed, she was waiting for A.D to come back and hurt her, destroy her.

The only thing that distracted her from her thoughts was the sound of a monotone, computerised voice counting down the seconds. "We're going to blow up!" She exclaimed, the first thing that came to her mind, because that was all that could mean, it was the only explanation. "Hanna, shut up!" She barely heard Alison snapping at her, their panicked breathing overtaking everything in the car as Emily looked around, "Spence, do you have a jack or anything under the seat to break the window?!"

Hanna let out a sob, before she sat back in the seat and took a deep breath, Emily's hand moving to her own, "We're going to blow up, aren't we? That's what countdowns mean." She whispered, her hands shaking as she moved to grab her phone, staring down at the background – a smiling Henry – wanting that to be the last thing she ever saw. When it reached zero, the others ducked their heads and Hanna kept her eyes focused on her phone, wishing she had known this was going to happen; she had wanted to die so many times before but Henry had been the one thing stopping her and now, she hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye to him. In those few seconds, she wished him everything she would never be able to give him and all of the things she would never have the chance to give him – the chance at a normal life, pure bliss and happiness, all the love in the world, safety, a home, a family...

"We're still here." She mumbled, almost dropping her phone in shock when she looked around, wiping at the tears that fell down her face. _If you find out who I am before I find out who killed Charlotte, you die – A.D_

She read the words on the screen and moved further back in her seat as she closed her eyes and shook her head, "I need to go home," She whispered, "I-I need my son, I need to go home, please... Spence..." They didn't have the keys yet, she knew it was impossible but the panic had set in and the only thing keeping her in the car right then as Emily's hand in her own and then the sound of a loud, large explosion in front of them. The place they had just been in, the one place that held evidence they needed to find out who the hell was trying to hurt them. Hanna pressed her phone against her chest as she closed her eyes, praying to every God she struggled to believe in that maybe they would be okay.

The sound of something scraping along the window behind her pulled her from her thoughts and she slowly turned her head to be met with familiar words that she couldn't quite place right then. "Guys," She whispered, causing the other three to turn their heads and watch as an unknown person continued to write the words on the back window before moving away, the sound of keys dropping causing a momentary relief to run through Hanna's body before Alison repeated the words out loud, "I see you."

It seemed as though hours had passed before Hanna found herself standing outside the building she was staying in, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to rid herself of the tears that still fell. Emily was beside her, waiting for the blonde to make the first move to walk into the place but Hanna's eyes were focused on the light shining through the second floor window as she bit down on her lip, knowing that Caleb would be waiting for her and Henry would be in there, fast asleep and seemingly unaware of the things that were happening around him. "So, you were..." The words were left unsaid but Hanna knew what Emily was referring to and she slowly nodded her head before she looked at the woman.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you, it never should have been Spencer." Emily gave a nod of her head before she pulled Hanna towards the curb, so both of them could sit down. Hanna's arms wrapped around her knees and she rested her head on top of her arms as she looked across the otherwise empty street. "Please don't hate Henry," She finally whispered, when a few moments of silence had passed between the two women, "I saw the way you moved away from him today and I don't want you think of him as the product of what happened. He's still the same, beautiful baby boy he was before you found out. I struggled for so long to fall in love with him but... he's my world, Em and I couldn't take it if my best friend couldn't see beyond it. His father is an awful, horrible person but Henry is innocent. It took me so long to distinguish between the two, I almost lost him because of it."

She heard Emily's shaky sigh beside her and finally, she glanced at her, chewing down on her lip before her hand slipped into her best friends, waiting for her to say something. "I don't hate him," Emily finally said, "I hate myself for not realising. I knew you were struggling but I didn't do anything, I just sat right up there on my high horse thinking you were struggling because you cheated on Caleb and found yourself as a single mother. I thought it was normal, I thought... I don't know what I thought but I should have known, I thought I knew you better." She ran her fingers through her hair and then moved to rest her hand on Hanna's shoulder, "I could never hate him, or you but I hate what happened and I hate myself for not seeing it. You could have told me, Han, you could have and you should have..."

Hanna nodded her head, "It's easier said than done though, isn't it? It's hard to say the words, it's hard to tell people what happened, there were days when I wished I could scream it from the rooftops so everyone would know that I wasn't this awful, horrible cheat who had this perfect man who loved her so much but it wasn't good enough... and then there were other days I needed to keep the secret close to me because I-I was embarrassed, mortified and ashamed." She looked down and shook her head, "The words were on the tip of my tongue so many times but I just couldn't say them. It was like they were stuck, I was stuck."

Emily wrapped her arm around her best friend and they snuggled further into each other, tears falling down their faces as they sat in silence before eventually, Emily broke it, "He's beautiful, Hanna. He is absolutely, amazingly perfect and he is loved and that is all thanks to you. It doesn't matter who his father is because he is all you."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Apologies for the wait, this chapter has taken an extremely long time to produce as Hanna was in the episode a lot more than I remembered! So, reviews would be much appreciated, as each one gives me the motivation I need for these very long chapters. Let me know what you think, ideas you have, things you would like to see, I'd love to hear each of them!**

 **Usual triggers apply – mentions of rape are included in this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars and many of the words in this chapter is taken from the show, so spoiler alerts apply for those who haven't seen the latest episodes of season seven.**

" _Dissociation gets you through a brutal experience, letting your basic survival skills operate unimpeded... your ability to survive is enhanced as the ability to feel is diminished... all feelings are blocked; you 'go away'. You are disconnected from the act, the perpetrator and yourself. Viewing the scene from up above or some other out-of-body perspective is common among sexual abuse survivors." - Renee Fredrickson_

The five young women, and Caleb, walked down the empty, dark streets of Rosewood, Hanna hanging back with Caleb every so slightly as they all spoke so openly about everything that was going on. Perhaps that should have been the first sign for Hanna that none of it was real. "Okay, so we know that Noel Kahn stole the Mary Drake file from Toby's airsteam."

"How is Yvonne doing?"

"She's... she's okay, Toby's gonna spend some time with her." Spencer replied, with a small shrug of her shoulders and Hanna wondered, for just a moment, if she could see a subtle glimpse of jealousy behind her best friends eyes, but she pushed it back. There were more pressing matters than feelings for an ex-boyfriend. "And right after he got that file he called Dr Cochran."

"Sounds like Jenna and Noel are on the same path as we are."

"Only, they're ahead of us." Each of them took those words in for a second before the silence was broken and the subject only slightly changed, "But who burned us out of the storm cellar?"

"Somebody who didn't want us to know that Mary Drake had a second child."

"A.D?" That was when Hanna couldn't take it anymore and she stopped in her tracks, frustrated that nobody could see the obvious glaring them in the faces. She didn't want to be the only one fighting for the justice she so longingly sought after and every moment they wasted wondering whether it was Noel, or Jenna or Mary Drake, was a moment wasted and a moment further they were all in danger.

"Noel Kahn!" She exclaimed, giving them all a look that she hoped was one they could not argue with, "You guys, Noel's been in the middle of everything that has been happening to us. He clearly has more A-ness than anyone else out there." Spencer smirked, and raised her brow before they continued to walk, a little slower this time, "I wouldn't have put it that way, Hanna." The conversation quickly regained back onto one of their suspects and the past that had been hidden from them. With each word that fell from Alison's mouth, the hairs on the back of Hanna's neck went up and she believed her suspicions were confirmed. Noel was behind it, all of it and there was nothing or nobody who could convince her otherwise.

"See? No story with Noel Kahn in it has a happy ending." She mumbled, and Emily, as always, tried to be the diplomat. She tried to come up with something that would take this from their hands and into the hands of the police but Hanna knew that no matter what they did, no matter how much evidence they would be able to gather, unless they got the confession she needed to hear, it would go no further. Noel Kahn would get away with it, and he had been getting away with things for way too long. "Like he does with everything." She heard Spencer say and she stopped once again, moving her hand through her hair as she tried not to stress out about the entire thing too much. She could feel all eyes on her and it caused just a second of self-doubt before she shook her head, "Exactly why we shouldn't be arguing whether Noel is A, A.D, Uber A or whatever! God, I can't believe you guys." She didn't look behind her as she stormed away from them, going through everything that had been revealed in her head over and over, her hopelessness and frustration being the only thing that drove each step right then, forcing back the tears as she gulped away the lump in her throat and just stared ahead.

She didn't stop until Caleb's hand was on her shoulder and she flinched away, turning around and stepping away from him, "Don't." She warned him, a glare crossing her features as her arms folded and she watched behind him as her friends walked away and left the two of them completely alone. Maybe that was the second thing that should have told Hanna that it was a dream and nothing more. "When are they going to realise that Noel Kahn is the one we're after?!" She practically screamed at her ex-boyfriend, not missing the look he was giving her.

She could tell, before he even spoke, that he didn't believe her. He doubted her and the last time he had doubted her, he had walked out on her. "They just wanna be certain, okay? Mary and Jenna are still out there."

"Oh, come on! How much more proof do we need than the words 'I see you' being written on our car outside of the storm cellar? Those were the _exact_ words written on Ezra's car at Camp Mona!" It was so obvious, why was she the only one who could see it?

He frowned, and she could see the doubt in his eyes, the doubt he was trying his best to hide as he stepped a little closer to her and scratched the back of his head, "I know, it's just-"

She cut him off before he could carry on and she shook her head, a sad smile on her face when she came to the realisation that no matter what she said and what she did, nobody would ever believe her. She was just the dumb one, if it was Spencer who told them all it was Noel Kahn, she had no doubt they would all be completely on board with it. "You don't believe me either."

"We have to be completely positive before we do anything rash."

"Well, I am." She glared, and further widened the gap between them as she raised her brow, "And by now, if you're not, I don't know what is going to change your mind." She shrugged when he said her name and she turned around, walking away from him before the sound of a revving engine and squealing brakes stopped her in her tracks. Before she could register what was going on, she felt herself being pushed to the ground, the sound of a body hitting metal and her head turned to see a smirking Noel in the drivers seat of the car that had been aimed towards her just seconds before. But then, her eyes moved to the unmoving body of her ex-boyfriend, the man she still loved and she screamed.

Once her eyes opened, Hanna had only taken a second to glance at the clock, relieved that it was six in the morning – early, but not too early. After that, everything was rushed – she threw on some clothes, she grabbed a still sleeping Henry and placed him carefully into his push chair and she text Caleb to let him know she needed to see him. She wasn't even thinking as she drove towards the Radley hotel where he was now staying, helping her mother with the security part of the hotel since Sara Harvey's death. She didn't have the time to think about what she was doing or what she was going to say to him to explain why she was there, because just seventeen minutes after she had woken from the nightmare, she was standing outside of his apartment door. He had just woken up, she could tell that much but she didn't care as she wrapped her arms tightly around him and took a deep breath, "So, you're fine?" He nodded his head in response, a small, nervous laugh falling from his lips, "Really fine?"

"I'm fine." He repeated to her, pulling back as he looked at her in an attempt to convince her that he was, indeed, alive and well. There had been no car accident, he was still breathing, the entire thing had been a horrible nightmare but somehow, it still felt real. As though it was a warning of the things that were going to come. "Really?" She whispered, wrapping her arms around him, even tighter this time as she inhaled, breathing him in. "Fine."

When she pulled back, her cheeks were a light tinge of pink and she checked on her son quickly to make sure he was still sleeping before she moved towards the little desk Caleb had in the corner of the hotel room, "So, um, how is it going over here?" She had briefly explained to him via text about why she was coming over – she had a nightmare that Noel had hurt him and she needed to check on him. He seemed to understand though, that right then, she didn't want to talk about it so he nodded his head and followed her towards the desk, "Not that great, I mean, I'm going over the material that you and Spencer took photos of from the lock box but everything except Mary's DNA is in some code that I can't crack."

She was desperate, and he could see it in her face just as she could feel it pumping through her veins. Sometimes, her desperation to catch one monster when she felt so helpless about the other monster that haunted her dreams, was the only thing that got her out of bed in the morning, "Yet, right?" She believed in him, she knew he was good at what he did, just as she knew he would be doing everything he could to help her and her friends but she needed him to understand this. She needed answers that only he could give her.

It had been two years since she had been raped and Hanna had long since given up on the belief that she would ever know who it was. It had crossed her mind more than once that maybe it wasn't an accident, that maybe it was someone she knew, someone from her past that had caught up to her but then she knew that sometimes, bad things just happened for no reason. No connection, no history... they just happened. However, this was one thing she would be able to find out if they just managed to put the clues together and make him pay for everything he had done, everything he had put them through. Still, she was struggling to come to terms with everything that it meant if Noel was the one who was behind it all because surely, that would mean he had been the one to kidnap her that night, which meant he was the one who tortured her.

Not the man she had murdered.

"I'm doing my best." Caleb frowned, breaking her from her thoughts as he sat on his chair and glanced over his computer screen with the look of desperate concentration on his face that only her and her troubles could bring to him. She felt bad, for a second, until she realised that Caleb was her biggest chance right then at proving her right. "Why DNA?" She finally asked, chewing the bottom of her lip as Henry stirred and she once again let the feeling of pure guilt wash over her. He was so out of routine at the moment and she had jut pulled him from the safety and comfort of his own bed and rushed him to the hotel without a second thought for how it would make the tired baby feel. She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair, finally moving to sit on the edge of the bed as she gently rocked the push chair. "Your guess is as good as mine," He replied, "What has Mary been up to?"

Hanna sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "There's no sign of her at Alison's or at the Lost Woods. What about Jenna? Any tapping around we need to be worried about?" Her eyes moved towards the screen that displayed different areas of the hotel, glad that her mother had been in the right mind to give Caleb the kind of job she had. Although she knew why Ashley had done so – it was to keep Caleb in Rosewood for as long as she possibly could, to keep him as a part of the Marin's life as much as she could because no matter how many times Hanna tried to tell her otherwise, she still thought that Caleb was meant to be in her life.

He shook his own head, "She hasn't left her room." Hanna guessed that much would be true, unless there was another way to get out of that room that they had yet to discover. Another secret hole in the back of a closet that led to another secret passageway she never wanted to go back down. "I guess Noel's taken a lead whilst Jenna is practising her flute." She muttered bitterly, playing with the ends of her hair as she let out a sigh of semi-defeat. She had no proof other than the feeling that was in her gut, the feeling that was driving her on but was still not proving anything to the people around her. She needed hard evidence if she was going to make them see what was right in front of them.

"Speaking of Noel, give me your phone." He pulled out another phone and she frowned, moving to stand up as she pulled out her own. "What's that?"

"This is your new phone, it's one hundred percent bug free. I have some for the rest of you guys too. You can't be too careful with Noel and Jenna on the prowl." Maybe he did believe her after all, but she could still see that doubt in his eyes that she had seen in the dream version of him. Why would he believe her? What had she done over the past few years that gave him any reason to trust anything that fell from her lips? She gulped and looked down at her phone, "I-I have videos and photographs of Henry on here, I don't want to lose them because..."

She trailed off and Caleb took the phone from her and handed her the other one with a smile on his face, "I'll back it all up, I promise. You won't lose a single thing, I'll make sure it's all safe." She nodded her head, trusting him enough to know he would only do what was in her best interest. She looked down at the new phone in her hand and pressed the unlock button, smiling when she saw a photograph of her, Caleb and Henry saved as the home screen, one he must have taken when she was sleeping on his shoulder with Henry between them, a cheeky grin on his chocolate covered face as his blue eyes looked into the camera. They looked like a family, the family she had wanted so badly but could never have.

She had left with an awkward hug and a muttered apology as he told her she was welcome to come over at any time. It wasn't for the first time that they had come close to kissing but Hanna had pulled away before their lips could actually touch and focused on getting Henry and herself home. It was just a few hours later, when she found herself sitting on the table of Lucas' apartment, colouring in a drawing she had done previously of an outfit she was intending to design for her son, that she was caught off guard by a sudden pain in her shoulder. It had happened before, it was a phantom pain, something that crippled her with fear because it brought on the memories of those twenty-four hours.

That night, two years ago, he had branded her – cut her thigh, nothing that warranted stitches or a hospital visit but enough for her to feel the sting. Even when it had healed, she had still felt the pain every so often, a pain that would take her right back to the night. The therapy sessions mandated by social services after they had gotten involved, had taken her through what this was – phantom pain brought on usually by the loss of a body part but sometimes brought on by a loss beyond the physical means. That familiar sting always managed to take her back to that night and now, there was a pulsating pain radiating from her shoulder and her back that forced the images of her screaming 'no' to the unidentified man in front of her. He was walking towards her, the cattle prod in his hands, she could hear the sound of the electricity running through it and she screamed, sobbing.

Slowly, she moved her jumper from her shoulders and turned her head to look in the mirror, staring at the scars that Noel, or Elliott, or someone else, had left behind. " _Please no, please stop..."_ She heard, as she closed her eyes and shook her head, gulping back the tears that so longed to fall before she was disturbed by a knock on the door. Grateful for the distraction, she shoved the material back over her shoulders and jumped up, glancing over at Henry's bedroom to make sure he wasn't disturbed before she walked to the door and opened it up.

When she saw the person who was waiting for her on the other side, a feeling washed over her that was completely indescribable, "Goodness, Hanna, you look like you've seen a ghost." Was all the old woman said, her piercing blue eyes staring at the blonde in front of her, making Hanna feel as though she was staring into her soul. She took a deep breath and looked behind her, a nervous reaction before she turned back to the woman who looked barely any different than she had the last time they had encountered each other whilst Hanna was sure she had aged at least ten years since the age of seventeen.

"Mrs Grunwald, what are you doing here?" She finally managed to get out, with a small shake of her head, as the other woman peered over her shoulder and motioned for the inside of the apartment, "Are you alone, my dear?"

Hanna bit down on her lip, "I.. no, kind of. My son is here but Emily is out..." She was cut off by the woman before she could continue her rambling, "No, I mean, are you _alone?"_ There was an emphasis on the last word and she frowned, slowly realising what she was implying before she felt the blush creeping up on her cheeks and she folded her arms in an attempt to protect herself despite the fact she knew there was no danger.

"Caleb and I are..." She trailed off, "I don't wanna be rude but what are you doing here?" She asked, confused by the sudden appearance of someone she had almost forgotten about. Sometimes, Mrs Grunwald seemed to be more of a dream than a reality, it was as though Hanna had found some sense of security in the woman who seemed to know things beyond the reality of everything. She had pushed it back as time had passed but with her standing right there in front of her, she couldn't help but feel as though she was being pulled back to the seventeen year old version of herself who believed in a world beyond the reality she had been forced into.

"I had a dream." Came the reply, causing Hanna's frown to deepen and her eyebrows to raise before she took a deep breath, "What happened in it?" She asked, recognising the look in the woman's eyes that very much mirrored her own when she had woken up that morning. As the woman stepped inside, she just shrugged off the question with a wave of her hand, "I've never considered the content of dreams to be important. It's the impression they leave that affect me." Hanna understood, questioning what impression it had on the woman that would lead her to her door on the very same day that Hanna had dreamt the kind of dream that left her feeling unsettled for the rest of the day.

"In this case, the dream left me quite unsettled... the sense was strong enough that I felt compelled to come here." That gave Hanna just a brief explanation as to why the woman was there, but it didn't shift the discomfort she felt deep inside when she thought of what kind of dream would have brought the mysterious woman to her door on that day. Hanna didn't want to believe in anything other than cold, had reason because believing in something beyond that only served to hurt her even further. Reality was reality, and she had to live through it every single day but if there was something more, something that could have ended the pain she felt that night and when she was kidnapped most recently, then that was something she wasn't sure she could cope with.

"The sense of what?" She asked, regretting the words that fell from her lips the moment she had said them when she heard a small cry coming from the closed bedroom door of the room her son was staying in. The response sent a shiver down her spine and she stepped back, nervously looking at the room Henry was in, "A darkness... around you, Caleb and Henry... are you and Caleb alright?" Hanna left the question unanswered as she moved towards the room when the cries became more prominent, "I'm sorry, I'll be right back." She muttered, slipping into the room and trying to focus on her breathing when her own tears began to fall.

She had felt the darkness as well, only she had hoped it wouldn't extend to the little boy who was standing in his crib, with his arms outstretched to her. Quickly, she took him in her arms and gave him a small smile as she pressed her lips to his head and closed her eyes. She needed to get out of the apartment, somewhere public where the danger could be close, so she could prove to herself that she was right and everyone else was wrong.

The decision to go to the hotel had been an easy one; her mother was there to take Henry for an hour or so whilst Hanna spoke to Mrs Grunwald and she was able to have an actual conversation with the woman without wondering if Henry would be able to hear her and understand what this darkness that she had brought to him was. After putting the conversation on pause, she looked down at the glass of wine she held in her hands and started it right where she had left it off, "Caleb and I... we're definitely not alright. None of us are." She leaned forward, her voice low so no one around her would be able to hear her, "Someone's been trying to hurt us."

"Do you know who that someone is?"

She nodded her head, "I think so but the others aren't quite so sure." The grey haired woman looked around, a concerned look on her face before she took a deep, trembling breath, "By any chance does that person have a connection with this hotel?"

Somehow, that was exactly what Hanna wanted to hear, and she sat up a little straighter with a nod of her head, eager to know that somehow, there was proof she wouldn't be able to explain to anyone else. Perhaps Caleb would understand, he had seen things, things that were beyond explaining, perhaps he would believe her after this. "Yeah, yeah.. he's staying here. He attacked Alison, he kidnapped me and someone just died in this hotel."

Despite her eagerness, the elderly woman was momentarily distracted by those last few words as she shook her head and stared at the wall to the side of her, "Many people died here, Hanna, before it became a hotel. The pain radiates through these walls, their cries of anguish still echo, do you hear them?" Hanna took a moment to look around as she gulped, but instead of the cries of the many people who had suffered here when it was an institute, she could only hear her own screams for help, begging someone not to hurt her. She closed her eyes for just a second, her hands trembling, gulping back the lump that formed in her throat as the tears almost fell. She held them back though as she bit down on her lip and opened her eyes, "No."

The look in the piercing blue eyes of the other woman told Hanna that she didn't believe her but she still nodded her head, "You're lucky. It's deafening." A moment passed, and Hanna gulped back a large amount of her wine until the woman spoke again, "I apologise if my coming here disturbed you."

Hanna just shook her head and put the glass down, "You say you feel this darkness around us..." That was what she needed to know about right then, she needed to know what she had to protect her son from – even if the answer was her.

"I wanted to warn you that you are in danger but I see that you already know that."

"But from who?"

The woman only sighed before she replied, "All I know is that the source of the threat against you is close. Very close." At that, Hanna's eyes averted away from the person she was with and around the large hotel until her eyes settled on Noel Kahn, standing just a few feet from her. She had no idea why she did what she did next, as she drank the rest of her wine and then casually moved the glass over the edge of the couch she was sitting on and dropped it to the ground with a resounding crash of the glass as it shattered. It got his attention, which had been exactly what she wanted. He smirked as he headed towards them and suddenly, a hand was in hers and she stared at the woman in shock for a second as she glared at the man who had joined them, "Hello Hanna, take any country drives lately?"

His voice made her shudder and she held back the sound of her screams that resonated through her mind constantly, suddenly glad she had the mind to take her son to his grandmother before because the tension in the air was not something she wanted to expose him to, along with the sense of danger the man had brought with him. If she doubted it before, there was no doubt in her mind right then as she saw the look in those eyes that would haunt her forever. She looked away from the scene, her body trembling slightly, _"No, let me out! Please let me out, please stop!"_

"Freaks." He muttered, with a roll of his eyes before he walked away and Hanna's eyes met with Mrs Grunwalds for just a second as she took a deep breath and wiped the blood from her nose in shock. Hanna felt concern rising through her as she leaned forward and handed her a tissue she pulled from her purse before she shook her head. There was a darkness around them and she was one hundred percent certain right then that Noel was the cause.

Hanna's exit was rushed as she sent an emergency text to her best friends and rushed home, sending a message to her mother asking her to amuse Henry for just a little while longer whilst she sorted something out. She knew the red head would never understand what was going on with her daughter, as much as she longed to but she also knew the woman would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with her grandson. The blonde paced, wrapping her arms around herself as she waited for everyone to be seated – Aria was the last to arrive and the moment she did, Spencer broke the silence, "Okay, Hanna, we're all here, what's the emergency?"

The words came out before she could stop them because she knew if she didn't just say everything that was running through her mind, she would never be able to say it, "I had a nightmare that Caleb was run over by a car but he's okay and then Grunwald showed up and told me he's not okay and then Noel Kahn showed up and made Grunwald's head explode!" She sounded crazy, she could hear it in her own words and she could see it in their faces and she wondered if any of them would ask if she had taken her medication that day. Truthfully, she had barely taken it since she had gotten back to Rosewood but that was because no amount of anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication would be able to ease the anxiety and depression that came with the town she loathed so much.

"To be fair, that does sound like an emergency." Aria shrugged and looked at the other women in the room, as Emily glanced at Alison and then at Spencer before Spencer leaned forward, "Okay, can you go over that again more slowly.. and what exactly are you saying?"

Hanna refused to go over the entire thing again, knowing what they thought of her. For a moment, she wondered if it was Alison, Spencer, Emily or Aria standing right where she was right then, if they would get the same looks from those who sat in front of them, if they would get the same questions or the raise of the eyebrows. She wondered what they would say behind her back, what they would whisper to each other – was she as crazy as she felt right then? "That Noel Kahn is A.D!" Was all she exclaimed as she raised her hands in a frustrated way and let them drop again, waiting for someone to say something.

But then before they could, she quickly spoke again, "You guys, I told you last night he stole Mary Drake's file, he hurt Yvonne, he called Dr Cochran..." Aria was the one to cut her off, a confused look on her face as she turned to look at their friends, "Wait, we weren't even together last night."

Now Hanna was getting annoyed, sending a glare towards her best friend, "No, we were in my dream. Catch up." She snapped, "He burned us out of the storm cellar and he wrote on the window, he probably killed Sara and we know he's bad because way back when he pushed the sorority girl down the stairs!" She could see the confusion on Alison's face, and Hanna scrunched up her own nose in equal confusion because she wasn't sure how she knew that. Perhaps she had heard it once, a long time ago, maybe deep down when she had seen the girl at the bottom of those stairs she already knew what had happened or maybe she was just guessing but she was right. She could tell by the way Alison looked at her that she was completely right.

"Hanna, what about Sara telling me we're looking for the same thing you are? I mean, she and Jenna were working with Noel..." Emily tried to make Hanna see reason as the blonde groaned in frustration, "Yeah, to find Charlotte's killer and that still leaves room for Noel Kahn to be A.D!"

"And what about the storm cellar?"

She could tell that everything she said was falling on deaf ears, it was pointless speaking to her best friends because nobody would take her feeling at face value. She knew it was him, she just knew and there they were, doubting her. "He's the only one who would write I see you."

"Maybe?" Spencer questioned, with a raise of her brow and she turned to look at Aria, just letting out a small sigh, Hanna opened her mouth to protest even further but suddenly the conversation was taken towards Caleb and what he had found. Hanna just shook her head, gripping at her hair in anger and frustration, "Not good, but what does it matter anyway? You guys are never going to realise that Noel is the one behind everything!"

Emily sat back and shrugged, "Never say never." She replied, causing Hanna to quickly snap, "Oh, thanks Pam." She exclaimed, feeling satisfied at the look of hurt that crossed her best friends face, "Hey!" Hanna ignored her and instead, turned to Spencer who she thought would be her best best – if she could convince her, then the brunette would be able to convince the others; "What else is there to look into? Nothing. We're at a dead end." When Spencer responded, Hanna was confused, and for a second, she almost insisted on going with Spencer instead of Aria but she had her own plans to make. Nobody was going to believe her until she got the proof she needed and she was never going to be able to get that proof with them breathing down her neck, telling her she was wrong every chance they got. Instead, she just nodded her head and walked away towards her bedroom, shutting the door behind her so everyone would get the hint she just needed to be alone.

It was just later that night that she found herself doing the same thing, putting down the note she was sure was left for them by Noel, another threat to their lives, another thing they had to be worried and scared about. This time though, as her friends spoke behind her, the three of them whispering to themselves about going to the police, she headed towards the front door of the apartment without a word, even when Emily called her name. Instead, she shut the door and the moment she was out, she felt a relief she would never be able to describe to another person. She had a plan, one that didn't involve people dragging her down. For the first time, Hanna was going to end it.

"The deals on, I get you the money, you give me the keys." She spoke the moment the other person answered the phone, barely given the person she had found on the internet time to speak. This was a plan she never wanted to go through with, not on her own but there she was – this was personal. This person had kidnapped her, Noel had tortured her, ruined any sense of safety she had forced herself to believe she had and now he was going to pay. And her friends were going to see that she was right, that she deserved to be listened to. She had a voice, and she decided right then that it was about time she used that voice to make someone pay for the damage he had caused her, and before he could hurt her even more. "Tonight and then you forget you ever heard from me – my name, the location, this number, all of it. Do you understand?" When the person didn't reply on the other end, she quickly repeated the words, nodding when he told her that he understood, "Good. The less you know about this, the better."

There were just two things she had to sort out before she could walk away completely, because she knew she was going down a dangerous path that she may never be able to return from. She looked down at the phone she held in her hands, and the smiling photo of her baby boy with a small smile on her face; everything she did, she did it for him and whilst he had once almost been the boy who was the son of a rapist and the woman who killed herself, at least he had a chance at knowing his mother would have done anything she could to protect him, even when she wasn't able to protect herself. She had the biggest thing to lose, she had the highest stakes in this game Noel was putting them all through and because of that, she had to play Noel at his own game. She was done being played with, she was done being scared. Maybe she couldn't protect her son from the evil in the world, but she could protect him from the evil in Rosewood.

After she sent a text to her mother, checking where she was, she headed towards the hotel and to the office she knew her mother would still be in. Henry was in the corner of the room, happily watching something on her mother's tablet as he munched on a packet of chips. He greeted his mother with a huge smile, letting her know he was watching Toy Story before he went straight back to the characters on the screen and the cheesy puffs he had all over his fingers. "Are you here to pick him up or do you need me to take him for the night?" Her mother spoke and Hanna moved towards her as she took a deep breath, her hands shaking before she slowly moved to sit down in front of the woman who had once been the only person Hanna felt truly loved her.

"I need you to take him, for a few days... maybe more." She whispered, glancing behind her at her unaware son before she wiped at the tears that found their way down her face, "I don't know when I'll be back but I need you to be the one who looks after him, okay? I need him to be with you because I know you love him, I know you'll keep him safe..." She was desperate, and it was enough to make the woman move from her computer and towards her daughter, kneeling down in front of her as she took her hands in her own and met her eyes. There were tears in her own, but she nodded her head, "I'll do anything... do you just need a break?"

Hanna shook her head, "I never need a break from him, mom... I need to do something. I can't tell you everything but there is something going on, something I need to protect him from. No one believes me, no one will help me, I need a few days to sort something out and then I will do everything I can to come back to him and to you." She sniffed, and closed her eyes, glad when her mother didn't ask any of the questions Hanna knew she would never be able to answer.

Instead, she stood up and went over to the wall, typing in a code before she grabbed some things from the hidden safe there and went back over to her daughter, "Take this..." She whispered, slipping the handgun into her daughter's handbag without meeting her eyes, "You need something to protect yourself and... here," She gave her some of the cash she had pulled out along with the gun, "Just in case." Hanna was grateful and she smiled as she tucked the money away into her bag along with the only item she had to protect herself, an item she wished she had with her on the night Henry was conceived. Only, she wouldn't have the perfect boy who was giggling to himself in the corner right then and despite the nightmares that night had brought her, despite how much it had changed her and how much it had changed _for_ her, it broke her heart to think of a life without him.

"Mom, if I don't... if something did happen, I need you to know something. And it's going to hurt to know, but I need you to look at that little boy and remember how much you love him. I need you to remember that feeling more than anything, how you will do anything for him, die for him... protect him. I need you to hold onto that feeling." Ashley looked scared but she still moved her gaze over to the boy and smiled, tears falling down her face, and Hanna knew she had to tell her mother what really happened, she deserved to know the truth. "I never cheated on Caleb, not willingly... there was a night, I was walking home from work, I was going back early to surprise him and I was lost in my thoughts, planning my apology out because we had been fighting so much lately and suddenly, I felt something press against my back and I was yanked into an alley."

She took a deep breath, she had her mother's full attention and she could see the fear in her eyes, already knowing what had happened before Hanna could even continue with the story, "I tried to scream, I tried to fight but he was so strong, mommy... he held me so tightly, and then there was a knife against my throat and I had to decide whether I wanted to die or live and I really, really wanted to get home to Caleb so I stopped. I didn't scream, I just sobbed and begged for him to stop but he didn't care. He pressed the knife against my leg, I was wearing something short... I should have been more careful, I should have known better, I should have been more aware..." She gulped, and before her mother could open her mouth to tell her that it wasn't her fault, she shook her head, "I could feel the blood dripping before I felt the pain and after that everything kind of goes blank... I remember crying, I remember trying to push him off, I remember the knife against my neck and I can even remember the way he smelt, the way his stubble felt against my face when he tried to kiss me and then he pushed me to the ground and I knew that was it. Nothing would ever be the same again, I was never going to be the same again."

She looked down at the hands that were in hers and she let out a broken sob, "I remember the pain more than anything, and sometimes I can hear the screams but they don't seem real. Sometimes it all gets jumbled in my head, and I wonder what actually happened and what I've made up. Did I really fight as hard as I thought I did? Could I have done more? Should I have screamed louder? M-maybe I deserved it because I... m-maybe I didn't fight hard enough." She closed her eyes tightly and suddenly, Ashley's arms were wrapped around her and her lips pressed to her head before she whispered in her ear. Hanna listened to the woman speak, for just a second, as she told her she loved her, that she was strong, that she would never deserve something so awful. And then, that she was sorry... sorry for assuming she had cheated, sorry that Caleb had left her, sorry for mentioning it too much, sorry that she had taken her struggling to be normal for a young, single mother.

Hanna was the first to pull away as she wiped at the tears that fell down her mother's face, "When it was over, I got up and I stumbled to the hospital, I didn't tell them what happened, but I think they knew. When they phoned the police, I left, and I remember going to work and taking a shower there when I knew everyone else was gone and just like that, any chance I ever had of catching the man who did it to me was gone. I d-don't know why I did what I did or why I didn't tell anyone, it was kind of like I was breathing but I was just going through life numb. I thought maybe that when I left Rosewood, when Charlotte was charged, that it was over and my life would be nothing but good from then on. I thought I had been punished enough but I was so wrong and I couldn't handle it. I kept opening my mouth to tell Caleb what happened but instead we just argued more, he hated me more and more every single day, and in the end... I lost him but he lost me first. The person he fell in love with was gone and when he was gone, it hurt so much but I was relieved because I didn't have to pretend." She took a deep breath after she had rambled, trying to catch her breath through her tears as she shook her head, "I-I just thought you needed to know because I don't know what's going to happen, and I need you to look after him. I need you to protect him, to stop him from ever seeking out who his biological father is when he's older if I'm not here to do it, okay?"

She could tell her mother wanted nothing more than to break down, but she bit down on her lip and took a breath, trying to be as strong as she possibly could for her daughter. Behind closed doors when she was alone, it would be a different situation but right then, Hanna was going through something she couldn't understand and all she could do was protect the most precious thing in both of their lives. Hanna pressed her lips to her forehead and finally pulled back, moving towards the little boy who quickly stretched his arms out for the woman the moment he saw her coming. Quickly, she took him in her arms, holding him as close as she possibly could as she just breathed him in. "Remember baby boy, I love you more than anything in this world. More than the stars, more than the moon, more than every planet in the universe. I love you so much more than you could ever think possible." She pulled back slightly and put her hand on his chest, "I'll be right here, okay? When you want mommy, close your eyes and put your hand here..." She took his hand and put it where hers had been, "That's where I am, that's where I will always be."

She held back the sobs before she turned to the woman and handed him her son, pressing kisses to his face when he started to cry, "You are my entire world, my precious angel." She glanced at Ashley, "If something did happen, when he's older... make sure he knows what he saved me. That I never blamed him, that I never hated him..." It was a lie, for six months she had hated him for living but he had spent longer with her loving him than he ever had with her hating him, "Make sure he knows he's good. I need him to know that."

Hanna had no idea what was going to happen but she felt as though she was saying goodbye, and she had no idea how long she would be saying it for. Noel Kahn was dangerous, that much she did know and if he was the one who kidnapped and tortured her, then he was capable of so much. She needed to say goodbye, just in case she never got the chance to again. With one final look at her mother and her son, she smiled through her tears and waved, closing the door behind her.

The moments she spent in the elevator, to the floor her ex-boyfriend was currently staying at, were spent trying to compose herself. She wiped her tears away, she took a deep breath – Caleb would be more difficult because she wasn't giving him a reason to stay behind, she wasn't handing him her child asking him to protect Henry as she had done with her mother. With her gone, Ashley still had a piece of her, a reason to let her go. Caleb would be more difficult, which was why she had to say goodbye without him knowing she was saying goodbye.

With a deep, trembling breath, she knocked on the door and waited for him to answer, but the moment he did, she knew it was going to be so much more difficult than she thought it would be. He greeted her, and she repeated it back to him with a small smile on her face, hiding her nerves, "I-I'm just stopping by to tell you I'm going to be off the grid for a few days."

He frowned, and looked confused, "Why? What's going on?"

She had expected that question and so the words fell from her lips in an easy lie, "I'm going to New York for a few days, just to go through some things at work. I've not picked up some paper work in a while, so they need me in the office just to go through everything, bring some stuff home with me." He seemed to accept it, until he asked her the next question, another one she had been prepared for, "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, thank you." She politely declined his offer, only for him to look around his hotel room and shake his head, "I mean it's no trouble, this room is getting kind of old, actually." He really wanted her to say yes, and she pushed him back before he could go any further with the hopeful expression on his face and the tone in his voice, "I'm fine, Caleb."

She was firm enough for his shoulders to slump, a sigh falling from his lips, "Okay, um, where are you going to stay?" She shrugged, and gave him an honest response because she knew if she gave him the name of the hotel then he would have some way to attempt to trace her, and then get worried when he found out she wasn't there. "I don't know yet, anyway, I gotta go. Henry's with my mom if you want to see him or anything, at any point."

He nodded her head, "Well, have a safe trip, I guess." She only nodded at him, taking him in for one last moment before she walked away without another word. She needed to leave before she convinced herself otherwise, before she told herself that he should be let in on the plan, that she needed his help. Truthfully, she had needed his help two years ago but right then, she didn't need him. She needed to protect him, she needed him to believe her and most of all, she needed to do this for herself, by herself. Only, her feet stopped moving when she got to the bottom of the hall, next to the elevator as she tried to tell herself that she needed to keep moving forward. Instead, before she could tell herself otherwise, she was running back to him, her arms wrapping around him as she tried as hard as she could to stop the tears falling down her face.

He knew something was wrong, she could tell in the way that he held her, in the way his face buried into her hair and the way she could feel his heart against her own chest. When she pulled back, their foreheads rested against each other's, their noses bumped and for a moment, she thought she was going to let herself kiss him but instead, she turned her cheek to the other side and started to walk away once again. She wanted to press her lips against his, so much more than she would ever be able to put into words but he deserved better, that was what she told herself, he deserved someone who wasn't as damaged or as broken as she was. And if he couldn't find that, if she got out of this alive, then he deserved someone who didn't have another stalker chasing after her and ruining the lives of her and the people around her.

When she found herself in the small apartment she had paid for, in cash, Hanna knew the reality of her situation was about to come crashing down on her. No one believed her, no one was willing to listen to her about Noel and so, she had to prove it. She had to find the evidence for herself, and when she did, she had to force a confession from him because even if the police didn't want to know, she'd be able to tell her friends that she was right. Slowly, the blonde moved to press the duct tape against the newspaper pages she had brought with her, placing them carefully across the window as she blocked out the outside world.

Maybe she couldn't catch the monster who had hurt her two years ago, but she could catch this one. And for once, she was going to prove to herself that she wasn't weak or helpless – the two things she had felt so heavily since the night she was dragged into an alley and any sense of good she had left in that world was torn from her so cruelly. Just as she had done that night when she was kidnapped by A.D, she had something to prove to herself, and now to the people who were meant to have her back no matter what. As she blocked out the last of the night sky with the last piece of paper, she took a deep breath and removed the gun from her bag. She was ready for whatever Noel Kahn threw at her, as ready as she would ever be, at least.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! The usual triggers apply but there is heavy (but not graphic) reference to self-harm in this chapter, towards the end, so please be wary if this is a trigger for you. And for all those people waiting for Haleb – here it is! Let me know what you think in the reviews; the next chapter is the last where I will be following the series canon-wise, so let me know if there's something you want to see or anything you desperately want to happen.**

" _We lay there with our bodies touching, and as I shook, a powerful knowledge took hold. He had done this thing to me and I had lived. That was all. I was still breathing. I heard his heart. I smelled his breath. The dark earth around us smelled like what it was, moist dirt where animals lived their daily lives. I could have yelled for hours." - Alice Sebold._

Spencer stared down at Emily's phone and shook her head, "Went to New York for a business meeting, be back in a few days." Her nose scrunched up in confusion and she looked at the two other women in the room, "Isn't Hanna a Journalist for New York Magazine?" She finally asked, her frown deepening when Aria nodded her head. Hanna didn't talk much about her personal or her work life but the little they did know, didn't add up to her being called to work for a meeting so last minute.

Emily walked up behind her, "Yeah, she used to write for their fashion section but she seems to do more freelance work for crime stories. She mentioned something to me once about going to night school to study Criminology but when I asked her about it, she kind of shut down. Like she was embarrassed or something, I guess..." She sighed and ran her fingers through her long hair, taking her phone from Spencer's fingers as she looked down. "Do we really believe she's in New York?"

"I guess... I mean, I've been fired, maybe they called her there to do it to her face. I can't imagine she's had the time or the energy to write many articles lately." Spencer spoke, moving towards the table she so often saw Hanna working at, flicking through the papers of research she had there – there were a few sketches, but hidden beneath were articles of rape cases, some bits highlighted with notes jotted down beside some of it. She gulped, "Maybe she's telling the truth, but maybe she's gone to find her rapist." She held up one of the articles that Hanna had circled, one of the most recent dated just two weeks prior and Aria grabbed it from her to take a closer look, tears in her eyes as she bit down on her lip.

"Why would she go now? She's the one convinced that Noel is A.D and we're so close to nailing him."

"Because all we have is a bunch of circumstantial evidence and if anyone knows how that feels... it's Hanna." She pointed at one of the articles Hanna had highlighted, the headline reading that a suspect had been released for lack of evidence.

"Right, which is why we need her here where we can keep her safe, and so we can find something more concrete." Spencer could hear the desperation in Aria's voice as she spoke, and she could see the tears in her eyes that she was struggling to hold back. She looked behind her at Emily, who was just staring down at her phone before she let out a sigh, "Okay, I'm gonna call her and tell her to come back."

* * *

When her phone rang once again, Hanna just looked down at it, seeing Emily's name flashing up before she shook her head and took a deep, shaking breath. Her hands shook slightly, but she quickly looked away, focusing on removing the duct tape, a hammer and a camera from the large bag she had placed on the table.

Her blue eyes fell to a close, and she tried to focus on her breathing, her fingers digging into the palm of her hand in an attempt to bring herself back to reality. _Please, stop... please, no._ Her eyes snapped open and she grabbed the camera once again, moving to place it on the stand as she forced the tears back. She wasn't going to cry over Noel, or over that _thing,_ not when she was supposed to be focusing on ending the hell Noel Kahn was putting them through.

Slowly, she moved to sit down on the chair she had placed in the middle of the room, staring into the camera before she cleared her throat. "My name is Hanna Marin and if you find this video before I finish what I need to do, something went terribly wrong." She paused, "Please give this to the police." With a determination she had not felt in so long, she moved to a stand and turned off the camera, trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. But then, even if it was the wrong thing to do, maybe it was right for _her._

* * *

Her foot pressed against the brake of the car, at a distance as she kept her blue eyes on Noel Kahn. He had gotten in the car just half an hour before and she had been following him since, only for him to pull up just to dump a garbage bag, glancing around him as he did. The blonde slipped her cap on further down to cover her eyes, waiting for him to pull away before she got out of her car and made a run for the dumpster, barely taking the time to look around as she yanked it out and opened it up, searching through the garbage and the take out boxes before her fingers clasped around the familiar feeling of a phone.

Quickly, she pulled it out and bit down on her lip, pressing it to turn on as her eyes gazed over the broken phone, a flash of Sara's face coming up on the screen before it shut back down. This was it, the evidence she had needed and wanted to get Noel alone, to get him to confess to everything he had done to them, to her. She couldn't help the smirk on her face as she took a small, plastic bag from her pocket and slipped the phone inside – she had no idea she would have gotten so lucky so soon, but Noel was careless, it seemed.

* * *

It was just half an hour after that, she set her plan in motion – meeting with the creepy man in his parked car, with barely any people around them wasn't the safest move she had ever made but she needed those pills more than she needed to consider her own safety. She tried not to think about the people who had sat in the car before her, the awful men and boys who wanted to take advantage of some girl – a stranger, or someone they knew. The more she thought of the rapists who had sat where she had sat, the more she had to gulp down the nauseated feeling that rose in her throat. "Never sold these to a chick before."

She forced a smile, and shrugged her shoulders, "Glad I could be your first." She muttered, jumping slightly when her phone rang, flashing up with Emily's name _again._ For the first time, she decided to answer it, causing the young man next to her to go silent, watching her carefully, "Emily, I got your messages. No, I'm in a meeting... I can't talk now. I'll call you later." She lied so easily, hanging up as she took a deep breath and made eye contact for just a second, before she looked away to pull the money from her bag.

"Now, look... a little bit goes a long way. One of those should knock him out for hours." The exchange was quick, the pills in her hand, the money in his and she just nodded, "Good to know." She whispered, not giving him another look before she stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She felt the need to shower, to scrub at her skin until she was sure the remains of the disgusting men who had sat in that seat before, she could barely breathe, ignoring the looks of those around her when she ran towards her car and opened the door as quickly as she could manage before she dived inside and locked it.

The way her heart thumped against her chest, the way she was struggling to get air into her lungs, Hanna knew the beginnings of a panic attack better than most and she blindly moved to touch the steering wheel, her hand slamming down against the hard object as she let out an anguished sob, until her forehead made gentle contact with the wheel and her eyes fell to a close, the tears starting to flow.

 _She could smell him, his body pressed up against hers, the knife pressed against her throat as his spare hand wandered over her body. He smelt like old cigarettes and cheap vodka, mixed with the undeniable smell of body odour. Their eyes met for a second, before his fist clenched and she felt a burning pain on her cheek. She took it as a hint to keep her eyes closed, and she squeezed them tight shut before she shook her head, "Please, please don't do this to me... please..." She knew her words were pointless, she could feel his hand fumbling against her thighs, she could feel him pressed against her in the most sickening manner._

She opened her eyes and, with trembling hands, moved to open her bag, finding her Valium bottle with a sigh of relief before she popped two of the pills and tried to remind herself where she was. Being in the vicinity of a man who was so willing to sell what was known as a date rape drug couldn't set her back, she had to focus on the plan. She knew what she was getting herself into when she had made the decision to do this without the help of her best friends or Caleb.

It only took her a moment to regain her sense of where she was, focusing on the present, as she started the engine and counted in her head in an attempt to keep her heart beating at a normal pace. "It's going to be okay," She finally muttered to herself, "You got this."

The moment she got back to the safety of the old motel room, she locked the door behind her and sank down to the floor, grabbing her phone from her bag along with Sara's smashed phone. _Got Sara's phone with your prints on it. You want it back, be at Bowa's Pub. 8pm._ She typed out quickly, pressing send before she could convince herself otherwise. Once she had managed to regain control of the way her entire body shook, she slowly moved to stand up, grabbing the hammer and the pills, smashing them both up. Maybe one would be enough to knock him out for hours, but she wasn't taking any chances – not with the person who tortured her and made her feel as unsafe as she had two years before. She was broken, that much she was aware but that made her the best person to do the job. Sure, she had a huge someone to lose if it all went wrong but at least he would be _safe._

* * *

Aria looked down at the thumb drive she held in her hand; Spencer and Emily had gotten back from Noel Kahn's cabin just a few moments before and had returned with the kind of evidence that terrified her. She took a deep breath and finally made eye contact with Spencer, "Have you looked at any of the other folders?"

The woman was quick to shake her head, knowing that to look at what her friends had been through in there, especially as there was stuff there that none of them had spoken about, would have been a breach of their privacy. Charlotte, Noel and now the police would know but those they loved the most could be kept safe from the things they had done in there, the things they had been forced to do. Aria was more than sure there were a few things she didn't want anyone to see, especially not her best friends. "No, you... you can if you want."

"No." She was quick to respond, putting the small item on the table in front of her as she quickly, adamantly shook her head, "I don't wanna see any of that footage, ever."

"Yeah, well, the only people who need to see it are the police."

It would have been a good plan, had a certain blonde not been missing for over twenty-four hours now, "Well, we can't give it to them without Hanna, we all need to be together for this." Her words were not to be argued with, meeting Spencer's eyes as she watched the other woman's shoulders slump and a shaky breath being released when she realised this was not something they could do without the fourth member of their group, but still, she tried, "Yes, in theory but we have no idea when she's going to be back."

"Or where she is." Emily interrupted them as she walked down the stairs to Lucas' apartment and looked at her two best friends, "I just phoned New York Magazine, told them I was looking for Hanna, made up something about Henry and they said there was no meeting. She's got an article due in a few days but that's it, no reason for her to skip out on Rosewood..." The stress, and the fear was evident in her dark eyes and she stared hopelessly down at her phone.

"Where the hell is she then?" Both women moved to stand up, suddenly more terrified than they had been moments before when they could calm their over active imaginations down with the thought that Hanna was safe. She was in New York, she was working, she had important things to do beside chasing Noel Kahn down. "She wanted to turn Noel in last night and we didn't listen to her."

"Okay, but if she was going to go to the police on her own, she would have done that already." Spencer tried to reason, looking between the two girls as she sighed, and she could see each of them searching for the answers that they hoped would be true.

"Maybe she's with Mona?" Aria offered, with a hopeful look in her eyes as though that would be the one thing to make the most sense – if Hanna wanted to take Noel down, she would go to Mona who could quite possibly make that happen.

Emily offered another solution, "Or she's with Caleb."

* * *

He was fifteen minutes late.

Her eyes glanced over at the clock once again and she let out a sigh, taking a sip on the beer she had bought as she just waited. If he didn't turn up, she had no idea what she was going to do. She needed this more than anything, she needed to put an end to one demon when she didn't even know the name of the other.

Once again, her phone flashed up with another call, Aria's name this time and she shook her head, ignoring it when she saw the one person she was looking for. She hesitated, and watched him walk over to a corner booth, removing the small package from her bag as she looked around and then poured the crushed pills into the one glass, watching as it fizzed up before she mixed it with a straw. Hopefully all she would need to do was convince him to take one large gulp and at least she would be able to drag him the hell out of there and in front of the camera she so desperately needed for him to confess on.

* * *

"Hanna is not picking up and I just heard back from Mona, she's not heard from her either." Aria put her phone in her pocket and looked at her other two friends, watching as Spencer hung up her own phone with a look on her face that told Aria everything she needed to know right then.

"She's not with Caleb, either but she did drop by the hotel last night and leave Henry with her mother, and then told Caleb she was going off the grid for a few days." Spencer ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the stress starting to rise with each passing second that Hanna was gone. Emily was the only one who said their fears out loud, "She's going to do something to Noel."

"Like what?" Each of them shrugged and they looked at each other, "Well, whatever it is, she's going to do it alone because she thought that we wouldn't help her." Tears in their eyes, that familiar feeling of guilt creeping up inside of them when they thought of how Hanna really needed their help and once again, they hadn't been there for her. Last time, she hadn't given them the chance, but Emily, more than anyone, felt as though she could have done more. That they should have known somehow, they should have seen through the lies and the forced smiles and the way she was acting to know she had been through something. This time, they could see that there was something going on with her, but they had ignored her concerns, pushed them aside.

"Okay, well we really need to find her before she does something stupid." It was probable that each of them would do something stupid in the past but now, more than ever, the traumatised woman was capable of so much more than they wanted to know. "Caleb's trying to track her down on her phone right now." Spencer muttered, feeling a complete sense of helplessness at the entire situation.

"And in the meantime?"

The brunette hated how they looked at her, as though she was the one who supposed to hold all the answers when she had no idea what to do right then. "In the meantime we go to the police and we tell them everything." She answered, only to roll her eyes when they shot her down – they looked to her for a solution and then fought the one she gave them, she was honestly feeling as though she couldn't win right then.

Emily shook her head quickly, "Tell them what? That Hanna said she was going to be in New York but we think she's here hunting down Noel like it's 'The Hunger Games'?" She practically shouted as she looked between the other two women in the room. "No, I think we wait and see if Caleb finds her." Aria nodded her head in agreement and Spencer just shrugged her shoulders, "Okay. Sure." She muttered, reminding herself not to let them look to her for advice again, not if they were never going to listen to what she wanted and needed to do. The longer the object was in her possession, the highest the likelihood there was of Noel getting it back but without a majority vote, she couldn't go to the police with videos of all five of them down there.

* * *

It took a minute for Hanna to grab the two beers and walk over to Noel, reminding herself how confident she needed to look for him to fall for the words she were about to say. With a small smirk on her face, she set the glass down in front of him and slid into the booth, attempting to look as confident as she possibly could, "I'm waiting for someone." He said, as he eyed her up and she raised a brow in response.

"You're waiting for me." Was all she said in response, wondering if she was looking into the eyes of the man who had held a cattle prod against her skin until she screamed and begged for him to stop. Was he the man who forced her to relive the memories she had tried to push back? She gulped back those thoughts and watched the look on his face, sliding the beer a little closer to him, "I know you killed Sara. I knew you'd eventually slip up."

There was a confident, condescending look in his eyes, and he leaned forward ever so slightly, "Oh, you got it all wrong, didn't you hear? Sara fell in the shower." Hanna looked at him, wondering if he honestly thought he was going to get away with it. If people like him truly believed that they were above everything and anything, and there would never be a consequence for the things they did.

"Then why did you have her phone? Why drive all the way down to the city to dump it and then come here to try and get it back?" She had him there, she could tell by the flash of anger in his eyes that he managed to hold back with a clearing of his throat and an uncomfortable shift in his seat. "What do you want, Hanna?"

She took a deep breath, more than ready to go through the plan she had formed in her head, "The police are suspecting that there was foul play, they wanna question me. Sara died in my mom's hotel, they know about her past and that someone took Sara's room key from the concierge desk."

"Well, that doesn't look very good for you."

"Or you. The cell phone was a big screw up but we can both walk away from this clean." She took a sip of her beer, hoping he would do the same but he just kept his eyes focused on her instead, not making a move for the drink in front of him. "After the police talk to me, they'll question other guests."

"I wasn't in the hotel when it happened, I went to see a movie." She could see the confidence slowly dissipating as he cleared his throat again and looked at her. Still, she tried to remain as confident as she possibly could, taking another drink of the liquid before she smirkd, "At my place... we watched 'Birdman' right?" He cocked his head to the side, a confused look in his eyes, before Hanna spoke again, "You help me, I help you."

She watched as he took the glass and her heart thumped against her chest, waiting for him to just drink it so she could get the hell out of there and stop talking to him. She needed to take his blood, she needed concrete proof that he was who she thought he was and then it could be over. She could go back to hiding in her New York apartment. But before he could lift the glass to his lips, he put it back down, noticing the eagerness in her body language, "I wanna see the phone."

With a sigh, she took the phone from her bag, and then put it back inside when she saw the recognition on his face, "Cheers." She lifted her glass, "You should have some, it's good."

"Not my thing." He muttered, before he pushed the glass closer to her, "You have it." She could tell that he was onto her, that he knew there was something not quite right with the situation. If she wanted an alibi, she would go to her friends, they had each other's back all the time. There was no reason for her to follow Noel, he had seen right through her plan and it was going to make her life so much more difficult.

"I already have done."

"Just take a sip." She looked down at the liquid, and for a moment, wondered what the effects would be if she did, but reminded herself that there were two crushed up pills in there and if one had the desired effect, she wasn't certain what a small amount would do. When she didn't make a move to take the glass, he nodded his head with that ever annoying smirk on his face and he moved to stand up. He paused, for just a second, before he made a move to grab her bag and the one item she had against him, inside of it. Her own hands moved, taking hold of her bag for herself as she attempted to stop him from grabbing it, before his fingers, with bruising force, grabbed onto her face and forced her to look up at him, "Be careful, Hanna, or you'll end up just like Sara." He whispered, his grip on her jaw tightening as she felt her eyes start to water, his hand burying itself in the bag to take the phone.

She didn't fight him this time, paralysed by fear, only looking away from him when he dropped his hand with a satisfied grin on his face. It wasn't until he was gone that she let a tear fall down her pale cheek and she shook her head, wiping at it quickly, taking her bag from beside her as she took a deep breath. In the matter of a few minutes, she had managed to lose the one piece of leverage against Noel Kahn that she had.

It was all that consumed her thoughts as she made her way back to the motel room she was currently hiding in, _hopeless,_ she kept whispering to herself, wondering if she had been Spencer or Aria, or Emily, would they have lost the one vital piece of evidence they had? She would have laughed, if she hadn't felt so pathetic. It was in the dark, lonely room that she allowed herself to look at her phone, scrolling through all the missed calls she had, smiling when she realised her mother had sent her a photograph of Henry with a smiling, very messy face, reminding her of what she was doing and why she was away from him right then. He deserved to have a normal life, in the very least, he deserved to grow up feeling safe.

Her finger hovered over a voicemail from her best friend before she pressed it onto speaker and allowed Emily's voice to fill the otherwise silent motel room, "Hanna, we know you're planning something. Whatever it is, don't do it. We found out Noel's been staying at his parents cabin and you were right all along. He is dangerous. We're ready to go to the police and tell them everything but we want to do it all together." There was a pause, and then a sigh, "I love you. Please come home." Hanna shook her head and stared at the blank wall in front of her, pressing her phone against her mouth as she tried to think – she could go home and forget this plan and just... go to the police with her friends or she could do what needed to be done and get everything she needed. Going to the police wouldn't be enough, not with the miniscule amount of evidence they currently had. Hanna needed a confession, she needed to hear what he had done to her.

Emily had given her the perfect place to do what she needed to do, grabbing the weapon of choice in her hands as she smirked and ran her fingers over the cold metal. He was going to pay for everything he had put her through, she was going to make sure of it.

When Noel pulled up at his parents cabin almost four hours after she had arrived, she was more than ready to put an end to his reign as A.D. Her fingers clasped around the weapon, her cap thrown on the ground as she had intended for it to be, a smile on her face when she watched him bend down to pick it up. This time, she didn't hesitate, instead she stepped forward from her hiding space and, with as much force as she could muster, slammed the crowbar down onto the back of his head. An overwhelming feeling of satisfaction rushing through her as she watched him fall to the ground, "It's over, bitch."

* * *

With two days passing since they had last heard from Hanna, it was time to do something they never thought they would have to do. At some point, there was a massive distrust for the police and a fear of the repercussions for them if they did go to the police. "If we do this, there's no stepping back from it."

"And we risk the police finding out about Archer." Spencer reminded them, looking between all of her friends as she bit down on her bottom lip, causing Caleb to scoff, "You mean finding out that Hanna ran him over and you buried him like a dog!" She could tell that he was stressed, beyond stressed but there was nothing she could say or do to calm him down. He loved Hanna, anyone with eyes could see just how much he loved her but right then, it was going none of them any good.

Ali just shrugged her shoulders, "To quote my dead husband, karma's a bitch."

"It was an accident." Emily tried to reason with her friends, knowing that if the police did find out, it wouldn't matter whether it was an accident or not. They would go to jail, they would lose everything. "And we knew how it looked, we did it to protect Hanna." Spencer whispered, finally meeting Caleb's eyes, her words seemingly relaxing him a little as he shook his head and let out a defeated sigh.

This time, Mona spoke up, "Who is currently our resident girl gone rogue." There was a worry in her eyes that had remained there since she had found out what happened to Hanna, and that there was someone new to torture them. "I'm trying her one last time." Caleb took his phone from his pocket, pressing on speed-dial number one before he held the phone to his ear, doing his best to contain all of his emotions right then but with each time he rang Hanna and every time she ignored it, he was feeling those emotions about to come spilling out right then.

"Let's just ping her cell and go get her." Mona offered a solution, one Caleb knew wouldn't work thanks to the new phone he had given the blonde, "I gave her a new phone, okay? You can't hack it." He wanted to hit himself for giving it to her at the wrong moment, just at the time they really, really needed to find Hanna and know she was safe, know that she was okay.

"Why isn't she picking up?"

Emily rubbed her eyes and shook her head, "Because Noel probably has her locked up in another slaughtering hole." As before, she said the one thing they were all thinking, but none of them wanted to say out loud because that would somehow make it real. When Caleb heard the familiar sound of Hanna's voice mail once again, he resisted the urge to throw his phone against the wall as he let out a frustrated groan. When Mona saw that look on his face she gave a small nod of her head, "Let's just call the cops, okay? Tell them everything you just told us about Jenna and Noel." When there was another momentary pause, Aria was the one who spoke their fears this time, wiping at a tear that fell down her cheek, "Noel is out there somewhere and he might have Hanna."

With that, each of them nodded their head and Spencer dialled those three numbers that caused her hand to tremble. Her eyes closed and she heard the operator speaking on the other end of the phone before she took a deep breath, about to start a whole new circle of events she knew they would never be able to take back, "I think my friend has been abducted."

* * *

Hanna stared at the unconscious man, tied to the chair she had managed to drag him onto just moments before. "Wake up, bitch." She said, kicking the side of his leg as she waited for him to open his eyes. When he just let out a groan, but made no other movements, she went over to the table and grabbed a large knife, staring at the reflection in the shiny surface as she looked into her own eyes. _Please, let me out, please don't go!_

She quickly shook her head and turned back to face Noel, the knife held in a steady hand as she moved towards him. Glaring, she pressed the knife against his cheek and gripped onto his hair to pull his head up, "This is your chance to tell me the truth. Just admit it. Admit you're A.D!" Her voice rose with every word she spoke, the temptation to dig the knife in almost too much before she dropped the knife to his neck and reminded herself of how terrified she had been in that dark alleyway. She wondered if Noel felt anything right then, if he was scared of what she could do to him – if he had the same thoughts she had once had when a blade was pressed to her own throat two years ago.

 _Please don't do this to me..._ Hanna blinked back the tears, ignoring the way her hand shook as she dropped the knife further. "Fine." She whispered, when she got no response from the man, "We'll do it my way." The blonde let the knife fall to his thigh, marking the spot she had been scarred, the movement quick, as painful as it had once been for her. She could practically hear the way she had screamed that night, how it was muffled by his hand, the way she felt the blood dripping down her bare thigh and that stinging sensation she tried to focus on when he finally started what he had intended to do when he dragged her own that alley.

The sound of the blood dripping onto the plastic she had placed beneath the chair pulled her from her thoughts as she lifted the knife up and stared at the blood that coated the once shiny surface, not feeling anything as she did. There was no remorse, no regret, no guilt, no fear; for the first time, Hanna felt nothing.

* * *

"Hanna Marin, white female, blonde, mid-twenties, now considered a missing person, possibly abducted by one Noel Kahn. White male, also mid-twenties, who should be considered dangerous and possibly armed."

The police scanner echoed through the room once she had returned from the laboratory, having seen her own face on the television screen there which had caused her to almost run back to the motel room she had left an unconscious and bleeding Noel in, half an hour before. They were looking for, they assumed she was missing, that Noel had kidnapped her which meant her mother would be worried, and so would her friends. This wasn't part of the plan, but then she supposed, the plan wasn't mean to take three days.

Her eyes stared at the man who was still tied to the chair, groans falling from his lips now and then as he shifted himself only slightly. Before she could talk herself out of it, she lifted the phone to her ear after she dialled a familiar number, knowing this was the only way she was going to be able to cope with this, "I need your help and I need you to come alone."

Hanna wasn't surprised when barely half an hour later, there was a knock at the door and she was met with the one and only Mona Vandermarin. In another life, they could have been the best of friends, but there was still a wedge between them that Hanna couldn't explain. Despite that, Hanna knew there was no one better equipped at helping her than Mona was – she was fiercely loyal and if Hanna didn't want her to tell anyone, Hanna knew the other woman would keep her mouth shut. Besides, the woman knew what she was doing better than most, nobody could deny that.

"I'm so sorry to rope you in like this but when I saw the news, I didn't know who to call." She finally blurted out, watching as Mona bandaged Noel's leg up once the door was closed, neither of them really saying a word to each other until that moment.

"Well, next time call me before you abduct someone and go on the run. It just makes my life a little easier." There was just a momentary pause as Hanna resisted the urge to roll her eyes and nodded her head, "When do you get the test results?"

"Not until tomorrow." With suspicious eyes, she watched as Mona patted the man down, her hands wandering over his legs before she pulled something from his shoe, "What are you doing?"

"Looking for this." The way she spoke made it clear that she thought Hanna should know what she was on about, but Hanna just shrugged her shoulders and scrunched her nose up in confusion, "What is that?"

With a frustrated sigh, Mona looked at her oldest friend, "You seriously haven't spoken to anyone?" Hanna's blue eyes moved over to the unconscious man and she lifted her arms towards him, "I've kind of hand my hands full!"

Mona only looked from the object she held in her hands before she turned to Hanna, not sure how she was going to take the news, "There is footage on here that proves that Noel was working with Charlotte. He was part of the dollhouse." Her words were slow, carefully spoken and she watched for the reaction in friends eyes, not missing the tears that looked as though they were about to fall. "I was kind of worried he destroyed it but you clearly knocked him out before he had the chance to. Look, Hanna, you don't need the rest results, this right here is more than enough to put him behind bars."

"No."

Hanna's response was quick and unexpected and Mona wondered how one word could hold so much weight – she could practically hear the pain and see the struggle her friend was internally struggling with. "What do you mean, no?" She dared to ask, taking a step towards the blonde, tucking the evidence into her pocket as she waited for Hanna to give her a good reason for why she didn't want to go to the police yet.

"Busting Noel for the dollhouse is like busting a mob boss for tax evasion. It's settling. And I'm not ready to settle. I've been settling every single day for the past two years, Mona, telling myself that I did the right thing by not going to the police, settling for the belief that the next woman he raped would but I'm _tired_ of settling. I'm never going to get justice for what he did to me, even if I had gone to the police that night and I need justice this time. I need more."

Mona gulped back the lump in her throat, not able to stop the tears from falling before she quickly wiped them away, "Hanna, you can't get any worse than the dollhouse." Or what happened to her when Henry was conceived that fateful night, she added, in her head as she just looked at the woman in a desperate attempt to understand what was going through her head right then.

At her words, she could practically see something inside Hanna break, the way she stepped back, the anger that flashed in her eyes, "I have scars on my back that say different! I want Noel to be held accountable for everything he did. I'm going to prove he's A.D. I need to." There was vindication, such dedication in her tone that Mona just nodded her head and reached out a hand for her friend to take, hoping she would. "Please, Mona, help me... I just need to stay hidden for ten more hours... _please._ " She sobbed, her hand finally moving into Mona's, hoping she would help her just until she got the results she needed and then she would force Noel to confess to everything he had ever done.

With a small, sad smile, Mona squeezed the hand that was in hers, "That's the last thing you're going to do." She whispered, moving a little closer to the woman so she could brush a piece of hair behind her ear, "I have a plan, do you trust me, Hanna?" At the nod of her head, the shorter of the two brightened a little, pulling back before she went over the plan she had quickly formed in her head, one that would get Hanna off the news, put her in the clear and ensure Noel confessed to whatever he put the other woman through in the twenty-four hours she was gone.

In the five years since they had graduated high school, Hanna Marin had become a good liar. A very good liar. At one point, Mona knew her well enough to see the tell tale signs that her best friend was lying to her about something – Hanna would look away, she would stammer over her words, her cheeks would turn a light shade of pink. There was always something the blonde would do that would give her away but now, if Mona hadn't told her what she needed to say in the first place, she would never have guessed she was lying. "It looks bad, I know... but I just wanted to prove to my friends and to all of you that Noel is the person who's been tormenting us. So, I went to Holly Brook to find the girl he pushed down the stairs, if I could get her to talk then we'd have a credible witness. Unfortunately, I couldn't track her down. I'm just... I'm so sorry that I worried everybody by disappearing like that. I guess... I-I just wasn't thinking."

As she stepped forward, Mona clapped with a look of pride on her face as she smiled at the other woman, "You've gotten really good at this." She commented, but for a second, she wondered if she should be a little more scared that the other woman had gotten so good at lying to the people who knew her best – what else was she hiding from them?

"Do you think the cops will buy it?"

"Definitely, it's your friends you need to worry about, they're harder to fool." At the mention of the four girls that would be hearing this story, Hanna gripped onto her hair, her palms pressing against her forehead as she tried to stop the tears from falling, "God, I hate lying to them."

"You're doing them a favour by not getting them involved." Hanna felt the guilt creeping inside of her, wondering if she had done the right thing by getting Mona to this motel room and asking for her help. "Thank you again, Mona, are you sure you're able to-"

Mona cut her off before she could finish, with a wave of her hand and a smirk on her face, "Don't worry, I got my end covered." She wanted to tell Hanna that she would do anything for her, she would do anything she possibly could to make up for all the pain she had put Hanna and her friends through at the beginning. "So, why don't you run it through for me one more time?"

Hanna nodded her head and took a deep breath, "It looks bad, I know-"

* * *

"I'm just so sorry I worried everybody by disappearing like that. I wasn't thinking." Her eyes glanced over at the people in front of her, including the police officer who soaked in all of the information she had just gone through with them. Lying to the police was something she had grown accustomed to over the years but lying to her best friends was the hardest thing in the world, especially when this was something that affected them as well.

"Well, since we opened up an investigation, you're going to have to sign a written statement." She nodded her head, and gave a slight shrug of her shoulders before she turned back to her friends, "Hanna, you should have called us."

"I know... sorry, again." She almost felt relief when they were distracted by something behind her, her arms folding around herself in an attempt to protect herself and stop the truth from spilling out of her somehow. It wasn't until she turned around and faced the person they were staring at – as hard as it had been to lie to her friends, she knew he was going to be a lot harder to convince. "What's going on?" He asked, suspicious as he stared at the scene in front of him, his glare settling on the blonde despite the relief that ran through him in that moment. Especially when she spoke as though nothing had happened, "Hey, Caleb." She smiled, biting down on her lip when she saw the look on his face.

It took the entire car journey from Spencer's house to Lucas' apartment for Hanna to calm her mother down on the phone, going through the made up story Mona and she had created, asking her if she could just have Henry for another night or two until things calmed down. When she finally hung up, she knew she would finally have to talk to Caleb, which was something she had otherwise successfully avoided since he had walked into the Hastings house barely an hour before. She had spoken to her friends, she had spoken to her mother, even asked her to put Henry on the phone when it looked as though her mother was calm enough to let her go. Now, there was no excuse as she turned to look at the man, "Has she calmed down?"

She only nodded her head in response, "She's gotta put Henry to bed now, so I said I'll see them tomorrow." She mumbled, "Thanks for bringing me home." _Now leave,_ she added in her head, _leave before I tell you all the things I don't want you to hear._ Instead of him making any sort of move to leave, he stepped forward, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?" She could tell just by the way he looked at her that he didn't believe her, she could see the apprehension in his eyes, hear the concern in his voice and she wondered if there was even any point in trying to convince him anything other than what he clearly thought. "Yeah, I told you guys what happened. You were all mistaken, I've apologised for making you worry, I don't know what else you need from me, Caleb."

"I know." He shrugged his shoulders and she almost let out a scream of frustration, "You know? Then why the hell do you keep asking me if I'm okay?"

"I guess I'm just waiting for an answer that I believe."

This time, it was her glare that settled on him and she spoke slowly, to the point, "I'm okay." She ran her fingers through her hair, increasingly frustrated by the second when he just shrugged his shoulders and smirked, looking at her as though he knew her so damn well, "Sorry, I don't buy that."

"Seriously, Caleb? You can go! There's a cop right outside my door and he's not moving. I don't care what you think, what you believe or what you don't believe, I want you to go. You don't know me anymore, Caleb, you don't know who I am!"

"Hanna, the last time I left you in a room alone, A.D took you so I hate to break it to you girl, but you're stuck with me." He stepped forward, "And you seriously think I don't know you? You've not changed that much Hanna, you're still the person I fell in love with when I was sixteen years old."

"Look, I really need you to leave me alone."

"Why? Do you have somewhere you need to be?"

"You know what? You're a real pain in the ass." She slammed her hand down on the table and looked at the man in front of her, "So are you!" Came his quick response, and for each step forward he took, Hanna would take another one back, her arms folded around her in an attempt to protect herself. As though Caleb was someone she needed protecting from.

"Excuse me?"

"Hanna, you don't do dishes until the mould, you eat French fries in bed. Cold. You don't gas up the car until it starts beeping. You won't admit that we're meant to spend the rest of our lives together. You send food back if the waiter breathes on it funny and you know what? There's probably milk in that fridge that's older than me!" There was barely a gap between them by the time he finished speaking and Hanna stared at him in shock, her heart fluttering as she just looked into the dark eyes of the man she loved more than she could put into words, caught up in the words he had spoken that held the most weight.

She didn't have the heart to tell him that she cleaned plates the moment after they had been used now, along with the rest of the apartment because she couldn't stand for anything not to be clean anymore. She still at cold fries in bed, on her more normal days, and what was the point in filling up her car with gas until it actually needed it? The beeping was just a warning, after all. She shook those thoughts off though and instead, dared herself to make eye contact with another person for longer than ten seconds. "W-what did you say?"

"About the milk?" Caleb scoffed, and scratched the back of his head, with a small shrug of his shoulders, knowing exactly what she was referring to but he still felt the small amount of embarrassment that he had just blurted it out in such a way. Whilst she was gone, he had spent time with Henry, he had seen what he could have had and should have had and whilst she should have told him, and she could have told him what really happened that night, he never blamed her. He was only just starting to let go of the guilt he held for everything that happened to her from that night and beyond. She didn't say a word though, she only shook her head as she took a deep, trembling breath and watched as he completely closed the space between them.

"Hanna, I don't want to spend another day without you, or Henry. Ever. For the rest of my life. These past two years, especially knowing what you went through, have been hell and I never want to suffer through that again. We deserve happiness, we deserve each other."

There were unshed tears in her eyes as she looked at him, before she let out a laugh and shook her head, "Like I said, you're a real pain in the ass." Both of them smiled at each other and Caleb gently nudged his nose against Hanna's as he lent down and pressed their foreheads together, silently asking for permission which was granted when Hanna's lips pressed against his. Her hands cupped his face and she pulled him a little closer to her, as her fingers moved to tangle through his hair and then rested on the back of his neck. It was the kind of kiss filled with love, but also desperation, the kiss that two lovers had suppressed for far too long and Hanna didn't know where to put her hands, wanting to take everything in as much as she possibly could just in case the moment ended sooner than she wanted.

When they finally pulled away, both of them breathless and smiling, his hand slowly moved down to her waist and she bit down on her lip, "I-I can't..." She finally managed to get out, relaxing only when he nodded his head and pulled her into him gently. His hand rubbed at her back gently and Hanna slowly pulled back to look him in the eyes, "I do need to show you something though." When he didn't say anything, only looked at her with a curious look in his eyes, she bit down on her bottom lip and moved to pull her shirt over her head, turning around after a few seconds.

Slowly, his fingers danced along the scars that were scattered over her skin, before she felt his lips pressing against them. Her eyes closed and she took in the moment, felt his lips against her skin and the hands that danced along before they rested on her stomach and she felt her shaking, tense body begin to ease. She relaxed, a small smile on her face when his lips moved towards her ear and he pulled her a little closer, her back pressed against his chest, "You are beautiful, I love you." Slowly, Hanna moved to turn around, pressing her hands against his chest as gave him a soft smile, "I love you."

Her movements were slow, meaningful as her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, Caleb getting lost in the moment for just a second before he grabbed her hands and shook his head, "Hanna, if you're not ready." Instead, she matched his movement and shook her own head, "I-I think I am, I want..." She trailed off, blushing before she took his hand and stepped backwards, towards the bedroom, "I want to at least try." She could see the nerves in Caleb's eyes, but she could also the love, a look that replaced the lust she had seen in the eyes of the man who had stolen so much from her. Since then, she had barely allowed her mother to touch her, let alone taken any comfort in the touch of another man – especially Caleb.

Once they got to the bedroom, Hanna shut the door behind them and took a deep breath, turning back to look at the man she had lost her virginity to when she was sixteen years old. "We can take it slow, right?" She questioned, her words barely a whisper as he nodded his head and smiled; she could see how nervous he was as well, it was almost like their first time all over again but this time, Hanna was more terrified than she had ever been. Her eyes watched as the man moved back over to her, this time, his fingers taking her arm as he looked at the scars she usually kept covered, his fingers moving along each one as tears started to fall down his face. "Y-you did these?" He finally asked, already knowing the answer before she even nodded her head and his lips pressed to the scarred skin of her wrists, and she felt the wetness of his tears coating her skin before he pulled back.

"Can you stop?" He finally asked her, mentally noting how some of the wounds were fresher than others, "Will you stop?" Hanna bit down on her lip, before she let out a small sigh, "I don't know, Caleb, I've never tried before. But I want to, and that means something, doesn't it?" Her bottom lip trembled and he pulled her towards the bed, pulling her to sit down before he moved next to her. The nerves between the two were obvious, and as Caleb truly took in the woman for all her beauty – and her scars – he knew he would do anything he could to make sure she knew just how loved she was.

When she moved to lay down, his fingers traced along her gentle stretch marks she must have gotten when she was pregnant when Henry and a pang of regret ran through him at all the things he had missed. The stuff he should have been a part of, all the things some stranger he might have bumped into on the street once, had stolen from him in the most cruel of ways. Carefully, he hovered over her and looked her in the eyes, asking her once again, "Are you sure?" When she nodded, he placed her hand on his shoulder and pressed his lips to her nose, "If you feel uncertain, if you want me to stop, or if you have a flashback... tell me or squeeze my shoulder and we'll stop, okay? I won't be mad, I won't be upset, we'll stop and I'll hold you. I don't want you to rush this."

With a small sniff and a nod of her head, Hanna only nodded her head, before she took a deep breath, "Just slow, okay?" He smiled down at her, before he pulled back enough to pull down his pants, his own body shaking as he did. Hanna moved as well, pulling down her own jeans, and Caleb only watched her, knowing she needed to keep as much control right now as she possibly could. And he would let her do anything she possibly could to keep that control. It was awkward, as though it was their first time all over again, both of them trembling slightly as they fumbled with their own clothes. His eyes gazed over the scars on one of Hanna's legs and then the large one that ran across the other thigh, one that was deeper, angrier than the others, but he shook it from his mind right then. Questions could come later, he intended on having the rest of his life to ask her the questions he needed answers and to hear the answers she needed to say.

Instead of speaking, he moved to hover over her once again, pulling the blanket over the two of them before he pressed their lips in a soft, gentle, loving kiss as he felt her relax beneath him. He opened his mouth once the kiss was over, with the intention of asking her if she was sure once again but her hand moved to his shoulder and gently stroked the skin there, causing him to smile, "I love you." He spoke with such conviction, it was enough to pull Hanna from the darker thoughts that were trying to make themselves known, before she repeated the words back to him and pressed her lips to his with a smile on her face.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews – the next chapter will be rather heavy on the Caleb/Henry bonding so hopefully that will answer all your requests!**

" _This is the way the world ends._

 _Not with a bang but a whimper." - T.S Eliot_

Hanna smiled as she opened her eyes and tilted her head up slightly to look at the still sleeping man. Her head was resting in the crook of his neck, her hand on his bare chest as his arm wrapped around her and held her close. It was a moment she had never thought would happen, not because they had broken up but for so long, she had never imagined herself being touched by another man. The thought had so often paralysed her, the panic would rise and she'd be right back in that dark alley.

Caleb was different though, he was patient, slow, gentle and when he had stopped the moment she flinched away when his fingers had brushed over her neck to move some of the hair that had fallen there, just to ask if she was okay, she knew that no matter what, she was going to be okay. The blonde wanted the moment to last forever but she was distracted by the sound of her phone ringing and with a frown, she moved from his side and climbed out of the bed, dressed in only his shirt.

With one quick look at the caller ID, she quickly answered it, "Do you have the results?" She asked, keeping her voice low and to the point, before he could even greet her or introduce himself, " _Yeah, they're not a match."_ At that, she felt her heart drop and she shook her head, it couldn't be true, Noel had to be Mary's son, she was so sure. She was so sure that she had kidnapped him and risked everything because of it. "What? Are you sure?"

" _We tested the sample you gave against the DNA you provided and they don't match."_ Hanna ran her fingers through her hair and glanced behind her to make sure Caleb was still asleep, "Is there anyway you made a mistake?" She questioned, " _No, those two people are not related."_ She tried to come up with reasons why in her head, hoping that at least one of them were true and he could re-run the test and give her the results she do desperately wanted and needed right then, "Okay, so there's no way you dropped ketchup from your hot dog or one of your hairs from your beard fell in there?"

" _Uh, I don't have a beard."_

"You have to be wrong!" When he replied, confirming that they had not made one, and indeed, Noel Kahn was not a Drake as she had so firmly believed, she hung up the phone quickly with a small groan, typing out a text to her best friends as she bit down on her bottom lip, _Spencer's house. Now. I screwed up big._

* * *

"So, you just decided to go rogue?" Spencer glared at the blonde, followed by a shake of her head before she looked around at the other women in complete shock. They had suspected that Hanna was up to something, they knew she wanted Noel to confess to everything he had done more so than anyone else but at the same time, she never thought Hanna Marin would go so far.

"Well, I was so sure Noel was our guy and you guys were just getting cold feet." She shrugged her shoulders, nibbling on her bottom lip, guilt and embarrassment in her eyes as she looked down at the counter and took a deep breath when Spencer snapped back at her, "Hanna, if by cold feet you mean we weren't willing to abduct someone and beat a confession out of them, then yes, we got cold feet."

With a sigh, Hanna looked down at her hands, "I'm sorry, I just thought if I did this on my own then I could prove to you guys that..." She paused, wondering what she had been trying to prove for just a second – was she attempting to prove that she was okay? Was she trying to prove that she could do things by herself without suffering a panic attack? Was she trying to prove to everyone around her that she was strong? She settled on the first thing that came into her mind at that moment, "Noel Kahn was A.D."

For the first time, Spencer didn't say anything back, instead, Aria looked at her best friend in confusion, "I can't help but notice that you keep talking in the past tense."

"Well, there was a problem." She groaned when they questioned her, knowing the time had come that had led to her sitting in Spencer's house confessing that she had lied to them, "I was wrong. I got the results back and Noel isn't Mary's second child." Of course, the confusion followed because whilst Hanna had been the most certain, the others had been convinced along the way. It would have made so much sense if Noel was who they thought he was, the results had put a spanner in the works.

"So, you're saying he's not A.D?"

Hanna frowned, shrugging her shoulders, unsure why they were asking her the questions as though somehow she was meant to hold all the answers. "Well, I'm not really saying that either." Alison rolled her eyes at Hanna's reply, "What are you saying, Hanna?"

"I'm saying, I have Noel tied up in a chair in an old motel room and we need to deal with that!" The blonde exclaimed, exasperated, getting increasingly annoyed with each passing second because she had come to them with a problem and she needed help sorting it out. Her fingers ran through her hair and she took a deep breath, watching as Spencer leaned forward with a hint of a smirk in her eyes and a frown on her lips, "So, we're a we again?"

Hanna didn't response, only aimed a glare towards her best friend, giving a one shouldered shrug as she resisted the urge to roll her own eyes. She had come to them for help, if they weren't going to give it to her, then she had no idea what she was supposed to do. When Emily spoke, she glanced at the woman with a grateful smile, nodding her head in agreement – just because he wasn't Mary Drake's child, then that didn't mean he wasn't the person who had been tormenting them. She remained silent as a plan was formed, playing with a thread on her top as she listened. There was a part of her that wanted to tell them about the big step she had made the night before, she wanted to discuss something semi-normal that she was meant to be able to say to her best friends but instead, they had to deal with the man she had kidnapped and left.

* * *

Hanna took a quick look around to make sure nobody was around before she unlocked the door, rolling her eyes when Aria spoke, "You did remember to like... water and feed him right?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Of course." She replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world although in reality, she gave him no food and barely any water; or at least about as much as she had gotten when he had taken her all those weeks ago. She barely registered what was in the room, until Spencer exclaimed, "Did you remember to tie him up?"

For the first time since the perfect night before, Hanna's heart started to beat quickly, the panic started to rise and she gripped at her hair as tightly as she could in an attempt to remind herself where she was. She couldn't fall apart, not in front of the people who would blame her if she did, at least because this was her fault. Her eyes watered though and she looked in complete despair at the ropes that had once held the man, "Oh my god." She managed to get out, feeling as though she was about to throw up at any moment. The exclaims from the other women reflected her own feelings and she closed her eyes, trying to remember her happy place as her therapist had taught her to do. She couldn't panic, not right then.

Finally, her eyes snapped open and she stared at the stand where the video camera had once been, "H-he took the camera ! He can make it look like I kidnapped him." Now she could let the panic truly set in because she had a son, and if Noel took that tape to the police, he could probably get away with everything he had done to them and Hanna would end up behind bars.

"You did kidnap him, Hanna!"

When Alison snapped at her, Hanna did the same, her glare settling on the other blonde, "Well now he can prove it!" Before the argument could escalate any further, the familiar sound of all their phones going off at the same time echoed through the empty room, meaning only one thing. When an address was read out, she looked down at the time – half an hour, they had half an hour to get to the place that she had never heard of.

Spencer drove them there, all of them in silence as Hanna tried to ignore the way her hands shook. Quickly, she took out her phone, sneaking a glance at Aria who was sitting next to her but seemed so engrossed in her own phone, staring at news articles that mentioned Nicole's name, Hanna took the opportunity she needed right then. _I can't explain anything to you right now but I promise I will when I get home. I just need you to go to my mom's house, I need you to stay with her and Henry and I need you to make sure nothing happens to them. No matter what, I need you to protect him._

She stopped the tears that longed to fall down her cheeks as she pressed send, biting down on her lip before she turned off her phone and stared out the window, not able to stop the terrible feeling that radiated through her body the closest they got the address they had been given.

* * *

"Is the door locked?"

"I doubt it, who would want to break in here?" Spencer replied, her eyes quickly glancing around at the old, large house before Hanna let out a scream, stumbling back into Emily as she stared down at the disgusting creatures that had almost given her a heart attack, "Oh my god, I hate rats!"

"I had not knowing what this place is."

"And why Noel wants us here." Alison muttered, as they stared at the large, empty house, each of them shivering in fear. Hanna took a deep breath, daring to take another step further, gripping onto the thumb drive a little tighter as though it was her only security. Her blue eyes looked over at Emily as she moved towards a sign, calling to them that she had found something, "Joseph Lloyd King. School for the blind, established in eighteen seventy three." When Alison mentioned Jenna, Hanna gulped; they had asked Caleb and Mona to keep an eye on the blind girl who hadn't left the hotel since Sara's death but she had also asked Caleb, behind her best friends backs, to leave the hotel and go to her mother's house. "So, Jenna could have come here when she first lost her eyesight?" Hanna muttered, before the crackling of a loud speaker distracted her and she took a deep breath, trying to suppress her fear.

"I didn't lose my sight, you took it from me." Her eyes closed when her friends discussed how Jenna had gotten there in the first place, deciding not to mention that Mona couldn't have possibly watched every way out of that place or even know every way out of there on her own. Although, at the same time, she knew Jenna would have been waiting there for them along with Noel. Both of them were in the house, just waiting for them to hand over the one piece of evidence they had.

"Give us the camera and we walk away."

"And we'll pretend like none of this happened."

"Leave it on the table." Came the voice, as Hanna stepped back and slipped the evidence onto the table, suddenly bitter and annoyed that she hadn't thought of taking the camera with her when she had left the motel room. Her thoughts were momentarily distracted by the sound of her own, angry, desperate voice sounding through the empty house. "That's me, trying to get answers from Noel." Hanna whispered, her eyes staring at the stairs before she made a run for it – grab the camera, and then leave. That was all she could think of right then, she needed to take the camera, and then make a run for the door so she could go to her mother's house and check that the three people she loved so much were all okay.

As she quickly moved through the hallway, she could hear the sound of her voice as she demanded answers from Noel with no response. She heard the sound of the knife slashing against his skin and her hands quickly gripped at the nearest wall when her eyes closed and the flashes of her own screams and cries rang through her head and she took a deep breath. Quickly, when she felt Emily's hand on her lower back, she forced a smile and pushed herself through it, repeating Henry and then Caleb over and over again in an attempt to calm herself down.

"Was there a blind baby epidemic I didn't know about?" Alison commented, staring at the multiple cribs in the room they had just walked into, where the camera Hanna had set up in that motel room she suddenly regretted renting out, was resting in one of the dust filled cribs. "This is where they learned how to take care of kids." Emily responded to the other blonde, and for a moment, Hanna let her eyes wander over to one of the old, plastic dolls, wondering if Jenna would ever be able to hold her own child as Hanna had once been so terrified of being able to do herself.

Quickly, she shook it off when she realised that the blind woman was one of the reasons they were there, and there was no room for sympathy, not after everything she had done to them since that fateful night. "Let's just get out of here." She had her own baby to take care of, one she had been neglecting thanks to the games Noel wanted to play with them since they had arrived in Rosewood and she knew she needed to be with him more than she needed revenge, at least in that moment.

Slowly, they walked through the old blind school, their movements quiet, their words whispered but their breathing heavy. They were scared, all of them were and although it was disconcerting, Hanna still felt a little comforted by the fact she wasn't the only terrified one right then. With her eyes on the front door, she could feel the hope rising in her until Emily let out a groan, "I left my phone upstairs."

The blonde looked at their other friends, half expecting one of them to say they would go with Emily to grab her phone and then run back down but instead, their faces paled and each of them looked as though they were going to vomit just at the thought of venturing further into the creepy school than they were right then. The door was right there, and whilst Hanna half wanted to tell Emily to just get a new phone and leave it, she let out a sigh, "Come on," She whispered, handing the camera to Spencer as she walked past her before she followed the dark haired woman back up the stairs, muttering a sarcastic thank you to their friends as she did.

They had barely taken two steps from the top of the stairs when she heard a creaking sound, and her entire body froze. "Did you hear that?" Emily's hand moved into hers and Hanna's eyes glanced around quickly before they settled on the man she had last seen tied to a chair, bleeding and unconscious.

"Did you really think we'd let you leave?" He smirked, his bright eyes giving them both the once over before he shook his head, "You know too much." Hanna gulped, she had heard that before, after Mona had ran her over with a car – she had known too much then and that had cost her a broken leg, years later, she wondered what it was going to cost her right then. She wasn't going to stick around long enough to find out though, as she and Emily ran into the nearest room and shut the door behind them, both of them hiding behind the nearest object when a second door opened and there he was.

As far as Hanna could remember, they had never done anything to Noel, not to warrant everything he had done to them. And if they hadn't triggered it somehow, as they had with Jenna, that meant one thing – he was a true psychopath. Charlotte had been mentally ill and somehow, Hanna could forgive her for everything she had done to them and blame it on the illness instead, but with Noel Kahn, Hanna had no doubt that he _enjoyed_ the fear and the pain he was causing which was so much more terrifying. "You can run, but you can't hide."

Her eyes closed when she heard his voice and quickly, her hand moved into Emily's once again, squeezing it tightly when she realised she couldn't breathe. Right then was not the time to have a panic attack, but the well-known feeling of something crushing her chest gave it away and she quickly shook her head when Emily looked at her. Breathe in and then out, she tried to tell herself, but at the sight of him brandishing a large weapon, all that came out was a soft whimper when tears began to fall down her face. She couldn't breathe, she was the most hopeless person in the world right then, or at least, that was how she felt. Henry needed her to get out of there alive, but all she could see was the panic in Emily's eyes when she realised she was quickly losing Hanna to the depths of an anxiety attack.

"I taught Jenna a lot but one thing she taught Charlotte and me... that was how to smell fear." Her chest felt as though it was on fire but she still understood the look in Emily's eyes as she removed her hand from hers and yanked at the shelves in front of them, watching them topple down like dominoes before the last one landed on the intended victim. It was the only opportunity they had to run and neither hesitated to leave the room just before the lights went out and they were plunged into darkness.

"E-Emily, I can't... I can't..." She tried to exhale, but the tears started before she could stop them and instead, she felt Emily's hands on both her shoulders, "I know you're scared right now Hanna but I need you to try and focus on me, and the right here, right now because we need you. I need you. Henry needs you to get the hell out of here so I need you to push through this, do whatever the hell you have to do to be able to get past this." Hanna shook her head, wanting to tell her that she didn't know what to do, that usually being able to hold her son in her arms, close to her chest, was enough to calm her down, perhaps Caleb's arms wrapped around her would have the same affect but she couldn't have either of those people with her right then. She had to rely on herself and that hadn't worked out too well for her in the past.

Still, her hand clutched over the large shovel Emily had snatched from the room, in the hopes a weapon would make her feel better, that being able to physically touch something that could hurt the person who was after them, would reduce the panic. She could only just make out his figure in the dark, but the little light there was from the cracks in the wood covered windows, shone off the blade of the weapon he had taken and she knew, without hesitation, that it was him. Quickly, before she could even think about what she was doing, she ran towards him, lunging and lifting the weapon with a grunt, watching as the sharp object lodged itself into the ground below them. He was distracted for a split second, as Emily made her move, punching him hard enough for him to fall.

It was the sound Hanna would always remember. The shovel dropped from her own hands and suddenly, she could breathe again, the pressure off her chest was gone and every emotion she had felt was replaced with shock at what had just happened in the matter of a few seconds. Her eyes closed to the sound of his severed head falling down each of the steps and she gulped back the bile that rose in her throat before she heard the sound of the other woman tumbling towards them, none of them had the time to discuss what had happened and with Noel gone, Hanna was sure that could mean they could get the hell out of there with nothing but emotional scars.

"We have to get out of here! Jenna's got a gun!" Spencer's eyes were wide with terror from the little Hanna could make out and it was enough for her to hold back the comment that was stuck in her throat right then. What damage could a blind girl do to them if she couldn't see what she was shooting at? Perhaps that made her even more dangerous, she supposed.

In the moments that followed, everything seemed to happen so quickly, and despite her belief just a second earlier, Hanna supposed a blind girl with a gun could do a hell of a lot of damage if that was what she intended to do.

The clear sound of a gun shot seemed to echo through the hallways.

And then the sound of them all screaming, panicked, terrified, filled with sobs and the sounds of feet tumbling down the stairs as they ran towards the door. Hanna could hear the door knob rattling and hands slamming against the wooden door, followed by the desperation in the voice of one of her best friends, "They locked us in, they were never gonna let us out of here!"

It didn't take long for them to realise their group wasn't whole, followed by the screams of a name that no one could really focus on.

She couldn't breathe. That crushing feeling was back, as though someone had just laid her down and placed a boulder on top of her, one that was slowly crushing her. There was a scream, and she had no idea if it came from her or someone close to her, everything and everyone seemed too far from her in that moment and despite the fact there was a woman with a gun in front of her, she still scrambled to grab her phone from her pocket, begging it to turn on quickly as she let out a sob.

Before she could look at the photograph of her little boy, the phone dropped from her hands and she let out a gasp for air, her entire body shaking when her back pressed against the nearest wall. She had always heard that before someone died, their entire life would flash before her eyes and she was met with a wave of emotions she would never be able to describe.

" _Are you sure you want to eat that, Han?" Alison looked at the woman and gave her a small smirk before she pushed her hair back behind her ear, "You don't want to be Hefty Hanna forever, do you?" The fourteen year old blonde looked at her best friend, tears in her blue eyes as she shook her head, before Alison moved a hand down to her back, "There's a way you can stop it, you know? I can show you, do you trust me?"_

 _She knelt down next to the toilet when suddenly, she was met with the eyes she had so quickly fallen in love with. She could see the disappointment, the anger, the pain that she had caused him before he looked at her, grabbed his bag and walked out of the door. Suddenly, the eyes she had been looking into before turned into the familiar blue ones of the baby boy she adored so much, only they reflected the same emotions. This wasn't her life, but what she supposed her life could have been – her teenage son looking at her with pure disgust, before his hand wrapped around her throat and she could smell the man who had helped her bring him into the world. She could hear his voice, she could smell his breath, she could feel the knife pressed against her but still, it was Henry's words that fell from the lips pressed against her ear, "You turned me into a monster, mom. This was your fault. You left me alone to be like him."_

Emily's arms quickly wrapped around her and Hanna moved one hand quickly to grip onto her arm as she let out a sob, followed by a strangled cough before once again, her eyes closed and she heard the sound of her name being called, only it sounded far away, getting further with each desperate scream of her name.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Wow, this has been a long time, sincere apologies! The next chapter will be the last and then I have an idea for a sequel that will focus on Hanna trying to find the man who raped her (continued from the newspaper articles the girls found in the apartment when Hanna went missing), so that will focus more on the rape as opposed to A which is where the direction of this particular story took me.**

 **Thank you for all of the reviews and please keep them coming with ideas for how you would like for this story to come to an end.**

" _Memory could save, that it had power, that it was often the only recourse of the powerless, the oppressed, or the brutalised." - Alice Sebold_

 _Hanna's hand reached out for the young man standing in front of her – his piercing blue eyes and bright blonde hair was enough for her to know who he was. Her baby boy was all grown up and was looking at her with nothing but pure hate. Hanna had no idea what she had done to earn such hatred but at the same time, there was that sickening feeling in the bottom of her stomach that led her to believe that she deserved it. "Henry..." She whispered, trying to force his eyes to meet with hers as she once again, reached out for his hand only for him to yank it away from her before he took a step back._

 _He glared at her, and suddenly, she found herself trembling, "You did this to me." He hissed, "You should have killed me when you had the chance. You should have done what you were supposed to do! You should have been a mother!" He was screaming and she found herself standing up as she shook her head, with no words she could possibly say to defend herself. There had been a few times when she had wondered what her life would have been like had she had an abortion. Would she have had a better chance of healing and moving on with her life if Henry wasn't in it?_

" _I'm a monster." Suddenly, her attention was drawn to his hands, freezing at the blood stained skin she saw there as she took a deep breath and shook her head. No, her innocent baby couldn't possibly have hurt another person. But then, she was sure that the man who had raped her had been an innocent baby at some point. "I found him, after you left me, I found him and he showed me what I was missing out on. He told me that after he conceived me, he carried on hurting all of those other women... their blood was on your hands! If you had done something when you had the chance, everything would be so different."_

" _Henry, I couldn't... it took me so long to even admit it to myself, I just couldn't go to the police when I had the chance and then when I finally started to come to terms... it was too late, no one would have believed me." There were tears falling down her cheeks and she took a step towards her son who must have been sixteen years old. "I couldn't have killed you, you're not a monster... I never should have made you feel that way. Don't let me and him turn you into something you're not, you can be better than us."_

 _With a scoff, Henry looked at the stains on his hands before the blood started to suddenly drip down onto the floor. Hanna gulped and Henry smirked dangerously at her, the same way his father had done all those years before. "I had no chance, not with you as a mother and him as a father. There was nothing anyone could have done to save me. And then you left me, you left me and any chance I could have had... died with you."_

The blonde gasped and quickly sat up, only to gently be pushed back down by firm hands, "Hanna, I need you to stay still, okay? You're in the hospital, you're safe but you need to try and relax for us." Everything hurt, but Hanna just nodded her head a little before her eyes closed again, the lights were too bright, the noises around her seemed loud and the pain that radiated through her body pulled her away from the Henry she had feared he would turn out to be.

It took another few moments before the same person spoke to her again, and she opened her eyes just to look into the chocolate brown eyes of a female she didn't recognise. "I'm Dr Rogers," She introduced herself and all Hanna could do was nod her head in response, "You were shot, we lost you for a moment there but you're going to be okay. We have to rush you into surgery now, so you're going to feel a little sleepy, but you're going to be okay." Hanna felt the tears start to fall – she had died, even if it was just for a few moments, she had died and the only thing that had kept her clinging on was the fear of what Henry would turn out to be was she not there to try and give him the best life she possibly could. Still, she was terrified that his precious first few months would have an impact on their future relationship and she hadn't let herself realise how much that scared her until she had been so close to dying. She felt a hand in hers, and for a moment, she let herself believe it was Henry's hand, that he was glad she had made the decision to remain alive. Her eyes fell to a close, as she struggled to stay awake and coherent enough to ask the questions she longed to know the answer to.

When her eyes opened again, she was met with silence, except for the familiar sound of light snoring coming from the person next to her. Slowly, she tilted her head to the side, a small smile on her face when her eyes fell onto the sleeping figure of the man she thought she had lost forever. "Caleb..." She whispered, reaching out for him before she repeated his name, watching as he stirred and then opened his eyes. When he realised she was awake, he quickly stood up, and was at her side before she could say anything else to him. Slowly, his hand moved to rest on her forehead, brushing her hair from her eyes before he smiled a little. She could tell he had been crying, and it broke her heart that she had been responsible (once again) for making the man she loved cry.

"You scared the hell out of me," He finally managed to get out, Hanna leaned into his touch and whispered an apology, before he moved his hand from her head and reached for the glass of water on the side dresser, helping her sit up ever so slightly before he lifted the glass to her lips. She gratefully felt the cool water slipping down her throat and she closed her eyes momentarily to gather her thoughts. Everything came rushing back to her – how she had ended up in hospital, how Noel Kahn had ended up dead, how Jenna had sought revenge for the fact they had blinded her when they were teenagers and how the last thing she could remember from that house was the screaming of her name but she had no idea if her best friends had even made it out of there alive.

As though he could read her mind, Caleb gently sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his own, "Spencer was shot as well." He confirmed her worst fears and slowly, Hanna shook her head, "Apparently... Jenna shot her, and there was a second gun shot shortly after, you pushed Spencer out of the way and..." She gave a small nod of her head when the memory of what had happened that fateful evening came back to her in a sudden wave. She could remember seeing Spencer's pale face, the way she looked down at the blood that poured over her shirt and her hands clasped onto her stomach. Her knees shook, matching the way Jenna's hands did with her fingers over the trigger once more. Hanna reacted before she could think of anything else – Spencer had already been shot once, she could die but she deserved a fighting chance. Quickly, she pushed her out of the way, and she could barely register the pain before she heard screams.

She was brought back to the present when Caleb squeezed her hand, "Spencer had surgery as well, she was shot in the stomach... she woke up a few hours ago but she's been in and out of it since." Hanna bit down on her bottom lip, "You were shot in the chest, the bullet shattered your collarbone but you'll live." His nose scrunched up, "But if you ever do that to me again..." He left the words unsaid but Hanna knew what he meant – she had scared him and she hated herself for doing that. She had reacted in the moment without a thought for the people she could have left behind but right there and then, the only important thing had been getting Spencer out of the way.

It was strange, even a few months ago Hanna would have considered herself to be suicidal but so much had changed since then and suddenly, there was this need... a desire to carry on living. She had forgotten what being alive felt like – there was a difference between living and being alive because finally, she had started to realise she had the chance to move on with her life. The kind of chance she had never thought she would allow herself to have. "You should sleep." Caleb interrupted her thoughts and she only closed her eyes in response, realising just how exhausted she was.

"Will you stay?" She mumbled, gripping onto his hand a little tighter before he stepped back to pull his chair as close to her bed as he could possibly get it. "I'm not leaving your side until I absolutely have to."He promised her, pressing his lips to her hand as his eyes rested on her face and then moved down to her chest, watching the gentle rise and fall that reminded him that she was alive and she was going to make it. He was never going to let her go again.

* * *

Hours had passed, and between odd bits of sleep and checking that Hanna was still breathing, Caleb felt more exhausted than he had been in a long while. But still, despite that, when the door opened to reveal an equally tired looking Ashley holding a smiling, wide awake Henry, his eyes lit up and for the first time, he removed his hand from Hanna's to stand up and hold out his arms for the little man. Quickly, their eyes met and he felt the familiar feeling of pure love rise up when Henry reached out for him as well and Caleb pulled the little boy as close to his chest as he could. Maybe Henry wasn't his in regards to genetics but he was Hanna's, and over the past few days, Caleb had found himself falling in love with the boy in a way he never thought possible.

He could still remember the day he found out she was pregnant with someone else's baby. He would still find himself laying in bed that night and going over how he had felt. He had been disgusted, heart broken, devastated at the loss of everything Hanna's pregnancy had caused. For a long while, he had been angry at her – convincing himself that she was weak, she had betrayed him in a way he never thought she would but when he had found out the truth, the only thing he felt was regret. Pure regret for all of the things he had said, the things he had done, the way he walked out on her and left her to raise that little boy on her own.

He would never be able to change the past but he knew he would do everything in his power to make sure all three of them had the best future possible. Hanna had issues she would have to deal with but who didn't?

He gently rubbed Henry's back and pressed his lips to the blonde hair, breathing everything in about him. Was it possible to fall in love with the son that should have been his, so quickly? "Hanna," He finally said, holding onto Henry with one arm as he reached out his other to wake the older Marin up gently, knowing she would want to see her son. When her eyes opened and she was met with the innocent face of the person she had missed more than she thought possible, she couldn't help but smile despite everything that happened, "My little man." Her voice was just a whisper, her throat raw from screaming and crying in that house she longed to forget, mixed with the dryness caused by hours of sleep.

"Mommy!" Henry cried out in response, quickly struggling in Caleb's arms in an attempt to reach the woman. Caleb, having got the hint, placed him on the bed and reminded Hanna to watch her injuries when he saw the flash of pain on her face when she reached for her son. "Mommy has missed you so much, have you been good?" Her fingers brushed through his hair when he eagerly nodded his head and grinned at her before he quickly moved to snuggle into her side, pressing an open mouthed kiss to her cheek as she wrapped her good arm around him and held him close.

She looked up again, seeing the relief in her mother's eyes – Hanna had never really understood how draining being a parent could be until she had become one herself. And she imagined, being a mother to her or her friends, must have been beyond difficult – beyond anything that was considered to be normal teenage angst. They had been tortured, blackmailed, stalked and kidnapped and sometimes, their parents had been brought into the entire thing without the knowledge the girls had. The look in her mother's eyes was years of pain and fear all aimed at her only child and Hanna wished everything could have been different.

"I'm okay," Was all she managed to say, knowing they would have to talk more later but for now, those two words would be enough for Ashley to relax. Caleb moved to lead the elder of the Marin's towards the chair he had been occupying all night and the day before, "At least it's finally over." He offered as a way of offering some form of relief for the two women in the room, content in the knowledge that once the physical and psychological healing was gone, the wrath of A was finally over and what more could they possibly ask for?

"We can finally start moving on." Ashley spoke, her voice stronger than she looked right then, but Hanna appreciated the determination that flashed in the red heads eyes for just a brief second. Hanna could only nod her head in agreement as she held her son close, smiling at the way his hand slowly moved up and down her arm in a comforting manner she often extended to him when he was crying. Her fingers would slowly graze along his back, up and down until he calmed down. In this moment, her fingers moved through his hair, savouring every second she got to share with him because it seemed as though she had taken it all for granted before. She had almost lost him once and she had never wanted to experience such terror again but now, he had almost lost her and if she wanted him to have any sort of fighting chance, she had to give him all the love and attention he deserved. She was glad to see nothing but adoration in both Caleb and her mother's eyes when they looked at the little boy as well because the more people he had on his side, the more chance she knew there was of him growing up to be the kind hearted, loving boy she knew he could be.

* * *

It was the first time he had left Hanna's side at the hospital, but he had wanted to give Ashley and Hanna some time alone. He had seen the panic and the fear on the woman's face when she had been told her daughter had been shot, and he knew that they needed some time together to talk about what was going to happen when she was released from the hospital.

With Henry safe with him, Caleb let himself into Lucas' apartment where Hanna had been staying, having decided with Ashley that he would pack Hanna and Henry's stuff up and move them to Hanna's childhood home before she was ultimately released. She was going to struggle with simple things like picking Henry up, and cleaning up after him (and herself, Caleb thought to himself with a slight smirk as he looked around at the cluttered apartment), so they both agreed she would need help until she decided what she was going to do and if she was going to move back to New York.

Slowly, the man set Henry down on the couch and handed him his favourite cuddly toy and quickly moved to switch on Toy Story so the little boy would have something to amuse himself with whilst Caleb attempted to get everything of Hanna's into the few boxes he had brought with him. Every few minutes, he found himself checking on him, wrapping a blanket around him when, after one hour, he found Henry laying on his side, watching the movie intently but with sleepy eyes. Eventually, he found himself in the room that Henry had been calling his own since they had arrived back in Rosewood, a grin on his face when his eyes glanced around at the little home Hanna had tried to make for him. He had a travel crib, but there were plenty of toys and Hanna had even hung up a few pictures here and there in an attempt to make the plain guest room similar to the nursery he imagined Hanna had designed for him back in their New York apartment. A pang of sadness washed over him when he thought of everything he had missed out on – the first time Henry had kicked, the moment Hanna had found out she was having a son, and then when she had given birth to him. Caleb quickly realised he knew nothing of that day, but he had heard from Spencer that Henry had been almost two months premature and for a while, no one knew if he would survive. Ashley had shown him a few photographs she had of the little boy in an incubator, hooked up to various machines, tinier than Caleb could have imagined.

That was something he should have been there for.

His eyes watered when he thought about it and bent down to pick a cuddly bear from the crib, recognising it as one he had given to Hanna on their first night in New York together. The tears fell before he could stop them – he should have fought harder for the life they had deserved. Hanna had been right when she told him she couldn't forgive him for what he had done because he never should have assumed that the only logical answer to her behaviour and to the fact she was pregnant, was that she had cheated on him. He should have known her better, he should have controlled his anger and asked her for the answers he had so desperately needed but had never gotten until years later because he had stormed out of there and left his phone behind with no chance of Hanna being able to contact him.

With a small sigh, he moved back to the living room and sat on the couch next to the young boy, not able to stop a growing smile that appeared on his face when, without hesitation, Henry moved to sit on the man's lap, his head resting on his chest and his eyes falling to a close as his little hand curled over the bear Caleb hadn't realised he was still holding. His eyes glanced down at the blonde hair of the boy and he wrapped the blanket a little tighter around him, pulling him even closer as he watched him sleep. He had missed a lot of things – the first time Hanna had held him, the day she had brought him home, the decorating of his nursery, the baby shopping, the building of the copious amounts of baby furniture he knew they would need, the sleepless nights, the first time Henry got sick, his first word...

"I promise I'm not going to miss another moment in your life." He finally mumbled, as his fingers moved through the long hair of the little boy, "God knows you deserve a better father than me, I don't even know how to be a good one because... I didn't really have anyone to show me but I'll do anything I can to make sure you have the amazing life you deserve, you and mommy." With a gulp in an attempt to stop the tears that longed to fall, he shook his head, "I'm not going to miss anything ever again. I promise."


End file.
